After the Threesome: How to Prevent Potential Awkwardness

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So, you’re ready for your first threesome! But what happens when it’s over? Do you just… roll out of bed and go home? Should you call? Does this mean you’re dating now? It’s totally normal to feel a little unsettled, especially after your first ménage à trois—but there are ways to prepare for the tricky feelings that come after the main event. Here’s a list of things to keep in mind before taking the plunge to prevent an awkward morning after. 

Make Sure Everyone’s On Board

It’s easy to assume that everyone finds the idea of having a threesome inviting—but sometimes people can be pressured by their partners to bring in a third and take the leap before they’re ready. If you aren’t doing your part to make sure that everyone is 100% committed, not only are you violating basic standards of consent, but you’re setting yourself up for an awkward encounter and some possible hurt feelings afterwards. Even if you think the other two people are as willing as you are, make sure you’re only initiating the moment after checking in with all parties. With threesomes, there should be no grey areas—make sure that consent is given by all parties in unambiguous terms. 

Talk It Through

Even if your threesome wasn't planned in advance, you should still take the time to have a group discussion before you begin. If you're opening up your relationship for the first time, setting boundaries and expectations can help you ease into the situation and avoid feelings of jealousy after the fact. For single folks, ground rules are key to avoiding awkward post-coital confrontations, especially when you're playing with a couple.

Sex with Friends?

A lot of people say that a threesome with friends is a no-no, but some may disagree. We’re likely to feel more comfortable with friends than strangers and because they know us, and friends can be great allies in easing any tension or awkwardness that comes with sharing a bed (or wherever) with multiple people. You’re also less likely to have feelings of insecurity or jealousy after the fact, since you probably already have a good understanding of where your relationship stands before getting down.

Still, there are lots of reasons why someone might be more comfortable pushing their boundaries with people they haven’t yet met. Some people may want to steer clear of the emotional baggage attached to existing relationships, or feel concerned about how having a threesome with friends might affect their larger social group. If you’d rather have a threesome with people you haven’t met yet, or you want to branch out from your usual crew, meet like-minded singles and couples on Feeld.

Focus on Giving

A lot of people who haven’t had threesomes before tend to think of it either as a sexual experiment or as something to check off their bucket list, but neither of these mentalities make for good sex. To have a fulfilling time, the aim should be more than just doing it say you’ve done it. Threesomes are best when all parties want to test their sexual boundaries and provide each other with a safe, open and satisfying experience.

Threesomes can be awkward if one person is feeling left out. The best way to avoid this is by being a giving partner, and putting the pleasure of others first. If all three of you make an effort to care for each other equally — both physically and emotionally — chances are that you're going to have great sex and an even better day after.

Decide When to Leave

So, do you stick around for breakfast, or do you cut and run? Unless you’re with friends or your partner, some would advise getting out of there when it’s over. Just like a one-night-stand, it’s good etiquette to leave before being asked to.

So, Should You Call?

Even if you have an amazing threesome, it’s entirely possible that you won’t hear anything the next day, so don’t feel too hurt if that’s the case. Sometimes a threesome can lead to a relationship, and sometimes it’s just a one-off. That said, feel free to get in touch with the people you played with — it can be a nice gesture to thank the third, or the couple that invited you along.

When the time comes, keep it cool, stay respectful and have some fun. Remember, sex is already complex with two people, so don’t beat yourself up if things get a little bit uncomfortable before or after a threesome. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t good, and it’s worth it for the fun you’ll have in between… time, sheets and each other!