Feb 17, 2020

LVRSNFRNDS Interview: Non-monogamy, hook-ups and three-way dating

For our Valentine's Feeld Social, we spoke to Sophie Mona Pagès, founder of community platform LVRSNFRNDS, about redefining relationship narratives.

LVRSNFRNDS is a community platform disrupting classic relationship narratives. They seek to transcend the monogamous/non-monogamous binary to create spaces where anyone can craft relationships that work for them.

Hosting regular events that empower their guests to meet and encounter like-minded humans, LVRSNFRNDS was the perfect partner for our Valentine's edition of Feeld Social.

Following a full house, we touched base with LVRSNFRNDS founder Sophie Mona Pagès to learn more about the platform and what inspired its creation.


Where did the idea for creating LVRSNFRNDS come from?

Early in our relationship, my husband and I felt the desire to experiment with other people. We tried dating apps, hook up apps and sex clubs but they all left us feeling frustrated, either because they lacked a feeling of personal connection or they were too in-your-face.

What I wanted was to have sex with friends! Though not necessarily our existing friends, so I knew I would have to make new ones.

That’s when I held the first Risqué; a party where like-minded people from all walks of life could chat, where crushes could blossom and where the potential for sexual relationships could develop in a more natural way. We had the most amazing time and it invigorated my passion for bringing people together, throwing parties and hosting events. I saw potential not just for a party but for a community of wonderful lovers and friends that I could shape and grow.

What makes Risqué different from other sex-positive meet-ups?

In French we have a word: déguster. It means to take time enjoying the pleasure of something, to savour it, not to rush to the end – like you would a delicious meal.

This has been my ethos for Risqué: to give people a space to enjoy each other and break down the impersonal, goal-oriented nature of hook ups.

While, of course, people hook up at Risqué, there is no expectation for them to do so. Removing that pressure allows our members to feel more relaxed, to be more comfortable in their skin. I want people to think, I have all my life to enjoy this person I am meeting now.

The moments when I feel most successful aren’t when people say 'so-and-so and I slept together' but when people tell me that for the first time they are in a room full of people where they don’t feel judged, where they can speak freely about their desires and express themselves honestly.

Does the LVRSNFRNDS community have its own distinct identity?

I always struggle with this question because I want LVRSNFRNDS to be as diverse as I can possibly make it. How could I narrow down such a rich community to a single identity?

What I realised is that diversity is also an identity. Diversity does not happen by accident, you have to put a lot of effort into creating it. If I simply let in everyone who applied, it would be a sea of white men – like a tech event!

So I put a lot of effort into curating who attends Risqué so that there is always a mix of sexual preferences and gender identities, people attending solo and people in relationships, London locals and people from all around the world.

And secretly I am always playing matchmaker, thinking, 'Oh this member would have so much fun talking to this one…'

Then once you have a diverse community, you have to nurture it. If you do not remove the people who make others feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, eventually they will be the only ones who attend.

What plans do you have for the future of the community and its events?

I have added and will continue to add a broader range of events for our members. Some people thrive in socials like Risqué but others might feel more at home playing board games or watching a movie. My goal is for every member of LVRSNFRNDS to have an event where they feel relaxed and free.

And thanks to our amazing members I am now able to hold educational events hosted by people from within LVRSNFRNDS who share their knowledge, experiences and perspectives with people inside and outside of the community.

After that, I would like to take over the world! I have just launched Risqué Paris and am going to continue hosting events across Europe and hopefully beyond. If you think your city should be the next one to join the LVRSNFRNDS community, please get in touch!

Go to our Instagram for a glimpse of the three-way speed social and sensory supper experience as part of our Valentine's Feeld Social with LVRSNFRNDS. To stay in the loop for future events, subscribe to our Experience newsletter.

Photo credit: Nizzah

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