When it comes to talking to people, it can be difficult to know where to start, especially if you are only just embarking on your own process of exploration. But it begins with a conversation. So how should you talk to people on Feeld?
Ditch your preconceptions
First off, there’s no need to be intimidated by the Feeld community – it’s a broad and beautiful spectrum of personalities, situations, desires, and kinks. Secondly, while Feeld is an app for dating differently, don’t go into your interactions automatically making assumptions – not everyone is going to be into non-monogamy, sexually upfront, or seeking exactly what you are. As with everything, respect and getting to know someone can go a long way; it’s safer to assume someone’s tastes are vanilla until you have proof that they might be otherwise.
Opening a conversation
“Hi!” might work, but a more considered opening is likely to land better; mostly we get one shot at these things. Ask yourself what drew you to them in the first place, whether it was a cool tattoo, a niche interest in their profile, or a reference that made you smile, and work from there. And men, don’t open with a certain type of photo – you know what we mean.
A sex-positive mindset
In terms of keeping an open mind, sex positivity starts with openness and a lack of judgement. Knowing yourself and owning your own desires is a vital part of it, but also appreciating that there is room for all forms of sexual expression and respecting the desires of other people is equally important. Not everyone is going to be into the same things as you, and vice versa. If someone invites you to do something or expresses a desire that isn’t your thing, politely declining rather than shaming them is a more compassionate and open approach – and one that can lead to learning more about yourself too.
Come from a place of curiosity
Dating can feel like a cynical game, but approaching others with genuine curiosity is an approach that will take you further than negativity. There’s so much to be curious about, after all. You have the opportunity to talk to and meet people who you might never meet in your everyday life, people outside of your immediate social circle and workplace. Ask questions of your Connections that delve into who they are, and share things about yourself in return. Beyond desire, what turns them on intellectually, emotionally, and practically? What does that for you? Use their profile information to find common ground or things that intrigue you, and enjoy the process of getting to know them.
How do you wish to be seen?
The seeds of a conversation are planted before a word is even exchanged, thanks to the information you share about yourself in your profile. What sort of impression do you want to give off? What energy do you desire? Everything from what’s in your profile to the photos you are sharing can potentially tell other humans something significant, and give them an ‘in’ with which to spark a chat.
Don’t be entitled
Nobody is obliged to speak to you, or obliged to give you their time. If they are not interested, don’t push it – or worse, get annoyed. Yes, it can be disappointing to feel like you have a spark with someone, and then to be met with silence. But things change for people all the time, life happens, and sometimes even the most promising start just isn’t timed well. If a conversation fizzles out, there’s nothing wrong with a polite check-in. But don’t send four increasingly aggressive messages demanding an explanation. Saying that, ghosting is not the best behavior. If you are the one receiving the polite check-in, take a minute, if you can, to be honest and articulate that you’re not currently feeling it.
How should people interact with you?
Your profile can also provide information about the way you prefer to be contacted, and the kind of ongoing contact you would like to have. What’s the best way to intrigue you? Would you rather skip the small talk? Do you prefer in-person contact, or are you actually here for long, longing, virtual conversations?
Don’t pretend to be something you’re not
We’re not just talking about catfishing (although that is a definite no-no). If you are new to kink or non-monogamy it can be tempting to pretend to be more experienced than you are, especially if you’re worrying that others may judge you. But we all have to start somewhere, and there’s no shame in being a relative newbie. After all, each interaction is a potential learning experience. The best thing you can do is to be true to yourself.