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Nov 15, 2022

A Week on Feeld…as a 31-year-old kink educator in Mexico City

How does a dating app like Feeld fit into your day-to-day life? We’re taking a closer look at how real humans from our community use Feeld over the course of one week – whether that’s back-to-back dates, verbal foreplay, or reflective time on one's own.

Our “A Week on Feeld” series asks Feeld members to record a week of using the app – whether that’s back-to-back dates, long chats and verbal foreplay, or reflective time on one’s one. This week we’re in Mexico City with Blue, a 31-year-old Mexican/American woman who teaches Shibari and other kink practices, and who likes black coffee, psychedelia, and biking around the city with her punk dog, Matteo. 



Monday

I recently decided to do 45 days of sexual meditation – meaning no sex, no kissing, no masturbation, no sexual interaction with myself or others at any time. So basically, most of the things I love. Today was the second-to-last day. So, of course, as I love a good challenge, I decided to go to a lingerie-themed drawing evening where everyone involved is not only a model, but also an artist. So many beautiful, sexy, and liberated humans in lingerie or full nude – oh so erotic. I even took my ropes and tied myself in a self-choking predicament tie. Does that count as cheating? I think it might have because it was hottttt.

You could feel the erotic energy in the air as the session went on. I remember opening my eyes and seeing a mass of colorful, sensual outfits and people in extraordinary positions. I felt completely dissociated from my body, trapped in my own world among the sounds of strangers’ pleasure. And to top it all off, the hot couple I was watching in front of me were the two new Connections I had just made on Feeld a few days before – and then they mentioned that they were going to the same party that I was headed to the next night. Thank you, universe. 


Tuesday

I spent most of the day cruising around on my fixie bike trying to find something that would glue little glass squares to my head. After my razor shave and frightening myself a few times in a window as I walked home from the barber shop, I was ready to transform myself into a disco ball. The party I was attending involved a high-stakes outfit prize – a trip to Acapulco, baby!  As someone who really likes intense sensation, I also like intense…well, everything. So – of course – the last day of my sexual meditation is going to be celebrated at the biggest swinger Halloween party in Mexico. 

My friend and fellow Feeld user, who was also my date to this pineapple party, came down with a stomach bug at the last minute, and for obvious reasons didn't want to go in his current state. But, he did recommend a friend of his who was curious about the experience, so I said “Jalo”, which is Mexican slang for “I'm down”, and had my first ever blind date for a swinger party. 

Everything went really well, and reaffirmed my belief in the quality of people who navigate kinky spaces both online and off. The other partygoers in attendance always asked for and respected consent. I really got off on the level of communication that some of the couples, us included, were establishing. I even had a hot makeout session with another person solely because they asked me to. Never underestimate the power of asking! That's a lesson that keeps being re-affirmed over and over again. I've learned that the odds usually end up in your favor.

My favorite moment was the instant gratification of when I asked two couples if we could join them, and instantly feeling five hands on my body and my foot in someone's mouth. WHOA. It was a wonderful way to kick the bucket on what felt like eternal celibacy and dive right into…sharing.  It's interesting to see myself from a different perspective and acknowledge how much my own sexual and sensual interests have evolved over the years as I’ve given myself permission to pursue things I truly enjoy, and learn from others. 

Unfortunately, the sexy couple from the night before ended up not making an appearance – but we won the trip to Acapulco!!


Wednesday

Halloween, baby! My first official Feeld date of the week, and honestly super last-minute. After hardly any talking at all, I invited my date to a museum that was having a cacao festival. As I’m a Scorpio, and love all things creepy and spooky, I had to check out the surrealist alter dedicated to the painter Juan O’Gorman (who, btw, committed suicide by ingesting arsenic, hanging himself, and shooting himself.) My date took an Uber literally all the way across Mexico City to take an ancestral chocolate-making class with me at the last minute. In Mexico we would call that “rifado” (very cool). He gave me a kiss in the suicide room, so I guess I’m not the only one that gets horny from morbid things.

I really appreciated his directness – we didn't spend much time on the filler conversation, but met up and talked about what we were looking for. He asked me if I wanted to hook up that night, which I honestly appreciated and almost agreed to, despite my current boundary of no ONS (one-night stands), kinky or otherwise. I listened to some Biig Piig while reading the book Disco Bloodbath (a memoir by James St. James about his life as a New York City club kid in the 80s/90s), instead of riding my bike for forty minutes for a hookup. The coconut husk full of hand-made chocolate sitting in my fridge will last longer than my ONS anyway. Kinky dating in your thirties is hard. I have a bedtime and more boundaries now. 


Thursday 

It’s really exhausting matching with hot, interesting people only to find out that they are in town for the night, or a few days if you're lucky. I’m on Feeld seeking to meet people to explore and deepen my kink practice, and with that comes communication, connection, and practice. All things that are not going to happen for me during one encounter. So I was excited to finally Connect with a local!

We went for Oaxacan food and cacao drinks since I was preparing for an ayahuasca ceremony that weekend and had to abstain from all things delicious; sex, weed, alcohol, and all types of meat. He was an older, intellectual type who writes research papers about the cultural importance and significance of food. We had a nice chat and rode our bikes to my friend’s shop to buy some soap. I appreciated his honesty about being new to the scene and curious about the app, even though we were looking for different things. In the end, this date was a nice reminder that whether you click in an intimate way or not, it's always nice to meet other humans who are open to exploring and who are honestly putting themselves out there. 

P, the male half of the hot couple from earlier in the week reached out to invite me to tie up his partner for a sexy motel date. Um, yes please and thank you! Besides, I've been wanting to check out this specific motel since it has a great reputation here in CDMX.

All in all, I’m feeling tired. Dating in general is tough, and lately I've been swamped with my personal goals, teaching kink workshops, private rope sessions, planning events, and dating. I feel like everyone I match with is just beginning their journey of exploration away from traditional sex and interactions, which is amazing… just not for me and not what I’m looking for right now. On my time off I would much rather take off my teaching hat and be able to be playful, rather than being the person to explain the cool, weird shit I’m into every time. Even though finding someone to casually have some kinky fun with would be the best, there's also times I would really just love a foot rub and a head scratch. 

Living in a traditionally conservative and religious country does make finding people okay with the idea of non-normative forms of connection a bit of a challenge. But here we are, and I'm up for it! Today is going to be date night with me and Nathan Fielder – I can’t stop watching the episode about the asexual computer store.


Friday

I'm on yet another detox from all vices since I decided ayahuasca was a good last-minute idea. The ceremony was insane. And I am not using that word lightly. I mean it was INSANE. It was on a Chinampa, which is an area of land surrounded by the labyrinth of waterways in Xochimilco, Mexico. Between the sounds of animals being slaughtered to one side and the theatre re-enactment of “La Llorona” (a horrible story about a murderous mother) coming from speakers to the left, and the lady going batshit crazy right next to me, the ceremony got weird. And I had to cancel the very sexy appointment with P and M, the dreamy Mexican couple that I manifested during the week. Fingers crossed there's a next time. 


Saturday

As the week was approaching its end, an exciting surprise slipped into my feed. A new profile! Because by now, honestly, I knew who was who and had swiped through every profile looking for an exciting match for the week. He was local, new to Feeld, open about what he was looking for, and no small talk – lets goooooooo. The sexual meditation is over, the cleanse is done, the ayahuasca ceremony and real life exorcism is complete, and finally out of my system. I’m feeling brand new, baby! Now that thirty-minute bike ride to have a beer with a tall glass of Mexican water is more motivating than ever. 

He was actually tall, had a nice smile, and brought his dog (named Versace). The initial offer was to go to his apartment, but that's always a hard no for me when meeting for the first time, so we negotiated for a Japanese restaurant around the corner. Which in retrospect, was a smart move because when we met, I'm pretty sure we both knew that I'd end up in that apartment later anyways. But at least here, I got to have a delicious salmon bowl before getting finger-banged. Finally, a person who lives in the city, who’s not a catfish (that still happens), and – drum roll please – made me cum. A few times. 


Sunday

This week led to a few important moments of self-reflection – one of those being how I used to live within the box called monogamy and how it was okay for me not to get my desires and needs met in previous relationships. I always wanted to give, and thought that asking for what I needed from both my partner and myself wasn’t valid. I’ve come from there to where I am now – brutally honest with my needs, both sexual and non-sexual. It feels almost confrontational to see the evolution of it all. Even as someone who is a kink educator, I can still find it challenging to navigate and express my own boundaries. Now I am more confident and most importantly, honest, in how I navigate dating spaces – especially kinkier ones –, and the many styles of relationships that I want and that I’m capable of having. It was a great way to end an intense week of self-reflection, making a few new friends, fucking, and riding my bike home at 3am with wet panties.

Blue is a 31-year-old Mexican/American woman who teaches Shibari and other kink practices, and who likes black coffee, psychedelia, and biking around the city with her punk dog, Matteo.

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