Planning your first threesome? t​he most important things you need to know

So you are about to pursue your first threesome. Exciting, isn’t it? Before you take the plunge, I realize you might have some questions for me, so consider this a “getting started with threesomes” post. There are a few important things to consider to ensure everyone leaves feeling happy and satisfied. With that said, follow me:

1. Have open communication

As with any sort of meaningful relationship, secrecy should never come before open communication. This may seem obvious or irritatingly patronizing but trust me, the more open you are, the better time you will have. Intimacy is based on trust, and trust is based on honesty. The thing that frustrates me the most about other dating apps and sites is the amount of deception that exists on them. How many times have you “swiped right” and put yourself out there, only to realize the person isn’t at all what his or her profile said? People lie about their age and relationship status. At Feeld, that doesn’t fly. Not on my watch.

2. Establish boundaries and a safe word

Part of open communication is establishing boundaries, rules and a safe word. This should be something you do in any sexual relationship but especially for your first threesome. Remember you want this to be fun and you want to create a safe space to explore. Here’s how:

Establish boundaries so everyone is on the same page. Know what everyone’s limits are and respect them. This also includes what you share with others outside your group—remember to be respectful of others and what they choose to share with the larger community.

Establish rules so you know what’s fine to do and what is definitely not—including using protection. It’s in everyone’s best interest to be honest about what they want and don’t and to respect everyone else’s sexual safety.

Establish a safe word so that everyone knows how to tell each other when to stop or take things a bit slower. Don’t pick something that could come up in conversation anyway and be misunderstood for something else. Pick a word that is clearly the safe word and make it known to everyone before you start anything. Like your keys and protection, never leave the house without this.

3. Set intentions and expectations that are mutually beneficial

Like boundaries, be clear about what you want and expect of the situation and ensure that you understand what everyone else’s intentions are too. No detail is too trivial to talk about. This may seem like it’ll detract from the mystery, but trust me, it’s critical because it helps you become more comfortable in the moment.

Let’s be honest, threesomes are wild and wonderful but they can be tricky—sometimes they’re a bit confusing, other times they can get messy. Don’t be afraid to laugh and have fun—and by all means, ensure all parties feel included at all times, whether that’s making eye contact or directly touching them. It’s about giving and satisfying others more than sole pleasure-seeking for yourself.