Portraits of a family chosen

Photographer Carmen DeCristo with her sisters Angel Quinn and Yermill Turcias (AKA

Deathrayz)

As an avid traveler, I am blessed to have a chosen family that is large and steadfast, consisting of trans siblings I hold community with around the country. The home in Brooklyn I built with my sisters Angel Quinn and Deathrayz is where I was able to plant the roots that allow me to branch the family tree so far and wide. We are three transplants from completely different backgrounds who came to NYC to safely transition, and were rewarded for that journey by finding a strong community. Angel is a fierce young DJ and resident Brooklyn party girl whose personality is right there in her name. Like all angels she is the perfect balance of grace, love, mischief, and beauty. Deathrayz is an electronic and hardware musician with cult followings around the country sweating it out to her homemade beats. Her passion can be felt through her pulsing tracks and seamless blends that DIY scenes hold in high esteem. I’ve seen this girl DJ from a Nintendo DS, she can make music from anything. Together, we are a powerhouse of sexy, innovative, talented sisters building a home and world in our own unique ways.

My chosen family consists of the individuals that I walk away feeling whole and fulfilled from. They’re the people I hold unapologetic space for, the ones I come to for celebration and grieving. It is a strong network that builds over time and is deeply rooted in devotion towards continued mutual support. It is a space for love to flourish.

Our common love for the spontaneous has driven us many places together, quite literally. I have taken countless last minute road trips to catch my sister playing a set out of town, taking photographs along the way. And oftentimes friends and family will hop along for the ride just for the hell of it. Our creative res burn brighter together, and to live in such a powerful, creative community is such a blessing.

Photographer Leor Miller with her chosen family Bix Archer, Stephano Espinoza, Pat Garcia, Saskia Globig, and Michael Ipsen

My friends and I—who I choose to think of as my current chosen family—met through the MFA program at the Yale School of Art. We had all left our respective communities, where we had other groups of friends and entanglements, in order to come to school. 

Chosen family as a concept seems to mean really different things to different people. I think for myself, as someone who has a pretty good relationship with my non-chosen family, finding a chosen family has felt like less of an existential issue. But there are, of course, things that certain people are going to understand more than others, especially when it comes to queerness and transness. 

If your chosen family are the people who understand you in a really deep way, I think those people tend to be the ones who are able to help reveal you to yourself in some way. Like when I turn to a friend in a time of need, when I’m feeling really bad or dysphoric or something, there’s always this point where I come to reframe the thing I’ve been feeling through having that conversation. My friend Lucy and I also have spoken a lot about this bizarre phenomenon in relationships with other trans women where you come to feel like the mother and the one doing the mothering, even across a really large generational divide like there is in my friendship with her. I think the give and take of all relationships shapes me.

When I think of my chosen family, I think of all the people who have been there for me and who have supported me, which spans all the way from high school to now. Since this shoot was more or less bound by my current geographical location and schedule, I wasn’t able to fully account for that really wide range of people who have meant so much to me. At the end of the day, I think chosen family is about the people who make the world bearable in all its complexity.

Photographer Emilio Tamez with her chosen family Gabriel, Piers, and Dax

I really believe that everything and everyone in life is a mirror. Your external world is a reflection of what goes on in your mind and heart. This is surely true about the people closest to us. Too often, we are searching and searching for these chosen families. We look to belong or fit in, but in reality, they find us when we are truly ready. The “right” people weave themselves into our lives when we become “aligned” by our own metrics. That is when you are in tune with your community, and commitment through loyalty is exactly what family means. 

Assembling a chosen family has been a healing process that I am forever grateful for. I never felt like I had real friends until adulthood, and these friendships challenge and teach me more and more. Radical honesty, tenderness, thoughtfulness and care were things I never received from a “friend” growing up. I waited so long to give it. These relationships have shown me that I can let my guard down—I am safe to give love, and smile, and be affectionate, and be silly. It healed a big part of my teenage self that was isolated and dissociated from the world around me to protect my heart.