Feeld’s State of Dating Report Finds the Slow Burn Is Back

NEW YORK, NY — October 20, 2026 — Feeld, the dating app for the curious, today released its latest State of Dating report, Holding Out For a Slow Burn: Why We’re Lusting After Story-Driven Sex in an Age of Instant Gratification. Developed in collaboration with Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute, the research reveals a paradox at the heart of modern dating: dating has never been more optimized for speed, yet maybe desire was never meant to be rushed.

Nowhere is that tension more apparent than among Gen Z men, who report some of the greatest frustration with modern dating, yet show a striking appetite for romance.

Gen Z men may be dating’s frustrated romantics

Nearly half (49%) of Gen Z men strongly agreed that modern dating is missing something, the highest of any demographic group surveyed. They were 26% more likely than older men and 23% more likely than Gen Z women to feel this way.

But their frustration doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve given up on romance.

90% of Gen Z men said attraction becomes stronger when two people build a shared story together, compared with 85% of Gen Z women. More than 1 in 3 Gen Z men (37%) also said dating feels too transactional.

For young men navigating conflicting expectations around masculinity and relationships, romance media may offer an alternative to conventional dating scripts. These stories create space to explore what it feels like to be truly desired, rather than always being the one doing the pursuing.

“Data often tells a much bigger story than the headlines suggest," says Sy Dusk, Senior Product Analyst at Feeld. "Gen Z men are clearly frustrated with modern dating, but they’re not a monolith, and that frustration doesn’t mean they’ve given up on connection. In fact, their growing embrace of romance suggests quite the opposite. When we look beyond the conventional narratives, we start to see a more nuanced picture of what young men actually want, and one that gives us real reason to be optimistic about the future of dating.”

Porn isn’t Gen Z’s default when connection gets difficult

The data also challenges the idea that young adults are replacing sex and relationships with pornography.

Nearly 60% of Gen Z men and more than 70% of Gen Z women said they do not turn to porn when real-world intimacy feels difficult.

Rather than abandoning intimacy, younger generations may be searching for different ways to experience it. And the growing appetite for slow-burn romance suggests that anticipation and emotional connection may be part of the answer.

Dating isn’t meeting our needs. The slow burn might.

The frustration extends far beyond Gen Z men. Across the survey, 80% of adults said they struggle to meet their intimate needs in real life, while 58% pointed to a lack of authenticity and clear intentions in modern dating.

Just 13% of adults surveyed said attraction develops entirely instantly. Meanwhile, 86% said attraction becomes stronger when two people create a shared story together, and 80% said anticipation and buildup are crucial to erotic excitement.

The findings suggest that the appeal of the slow burn isn’t just about fantasy. It’s about wanting intimacy that develops over time, where getting to know someone is part of the attraction itself.

Fantasy is becoming a gateway to intimacy

Nine in 10 adults (90%) said fantasy plays a central role in their intimate lives. Previous Kinsey Institute research found that nearly 80% of men and 73% of women fantasize about romance, suggesting that the desire for emotional connection is central to how people experience attraction.

When conventional dating isn’t meeting people’s needs, fantasy offers an opportunity to imagine something different. Rather than simply escaping reality, people may be using fantasy to explore what a relationship could look like outside the expectations of modern dating.

Even the most fantastical romances often fulfill remarkably ordinary desires: being accepted for who we are and feeling deeply wanted.

Romance media is rewriting our desires

The cultural explosion of slow-burn romance may be both a reflection of what people want and a force shaping those desires.

From Bridgerton and Heated Rivalry to The Summer I Turned Pretty and romantasy phenomena like A Court of Thorns and Roses, some of today’s most popular stories are built around the tension and anticipation of a relationship that slowly unfolds.

And audiences aren’t just consuming these stories. They’re taking inspiration from them.

56% of participants said romantic films, television, romance novels, and fantasy fiction have shaped their ideas about relationships and connection. Among Gen Z, that figure rises to 64%.

Nearly 60% of Gen Z men said romance media has shaped their desires, putting them roughly on par with older women, historically the core audience for the genre.

These stories offer more than escapism. They present alternative relationship scripts where being understood and accepted takes precedence over conventional attractiveness or traditional dating expectations. Their popularity suggests that audiences may already be craving the kinds of connections they depict.

“Even the most fantastical romances tap into very real human desires,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller. “These stories aren’t necessarily about finding the perfect partner. They’re about being accepted for who we are, feeling deeply wanted, and imagining relationships outside the usual rules of dating. At a time when so many people feel something is missing from their intimate lives, the appeal of the slow burn makes sense. It’s a reminder that attraction isn’t always instantaneous. Sometimes it’s the anticipation and the story we build together that make a connection so powerful.”

The slow burn is more than a cultural trend

These stories are about so much more than just sex. They’re also about being wanted, being understood, and truly being seen.

Perhaps the slow burn reflects a growing recognition that desire needs space to grow. Even the most fantastical romances reveal something deeply human about what people want from relationships.

The slow burn isn’t simply a fantasy about what dating could be. Increasingly, it may be a blueprint for what comes next.

Find the full State of Dating report HERE.

Methodology

The report draws on research conducted by independent research agency Censuswide, alongside responses from Feeld members. The final analyzed sample consisted of 3,310 adults from the United States (60%) and United Kingdom (40%), all of whom had sought new romantic, intimate, or sexual connections within the previous 12 months.

The research explored attitudes toward modern dating, attraction, fantasy, and romance media, with additional insights drawn from previous Kinsey Institute research.

About Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. He is the author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life and an internationally recognized expert on the psychology of human sexuality.

About Feeld

Feeld is the dating app for the curious; those open to experiencing people and relationships in new ways. Founded in 2014 by Ana Kirova and Dimo Trifonov after questioning the status quo of their own relationship, they were inspired to challenge cultural scripts around gender, sexuality, and dating on a global scale.

Feeld’s ever-evolving platform creates a safer space online and IRL for people to explore their curiosities outside of existing blueprints and find meaningful human connections of all kinds. Feeld has led with a progressive mindset since its inception, pioneering a remote-first work model with a globally distributed team. With over 20 sexuality and gender options in-app and growing, Feeld is a space for the experiences that make us feel alive and most intimately connected to ourselves and others.

Learn more at feeld.co.