“This is a really nice playlist,” said the man I was in the middle of fucking. Sometime between meeting up at a wine bar a few blocks away from my apartment and tumbling into my bed, it had become clear I’d be queuing up the tried and true playlist I’d made for such occasions, dubbed “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times.”
Part ambiance, part insurance against my roommates hearing anything too salacious, the playlist held a special place in my heart thanks to all the encounters it had scored. For the next hour or so, as my lover acquainted himself with my body, he also became acquainted with my musical sensibilities. I was glad both were to his taste.
I’ve been continuously updating “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times” ever since college, when I began having sex more frequently. I’ve yet to hear any complaints, and his was not the first compliment. As someone whose Spotify Wrapped clocked her as having listened to 65,846 minutes of music last year, I can confirm that having the right soundtrack can enhance any moment. Sex is no exception. So allow me to be your MC and guide you through music's erotic capacity.
On taste and touch
Music does a lot more than create an atmosphere. It can also produce its own physiological sensations in the body to stimulate arousal. Frisson (from the French for “shiver, thrill,” pronounced “free-sawn”) describes the intense bodily sensations—goosebumps, hair standing on end, tingles running over your skin—coupled with strong emotional responses that music can elicit. This experience goes by other names: chills, thrills, and—my personal favorite—skin-orgasms. With a term like that, it’s no wonder that, according to one study, 40% of respondents considered music to be more arousing than the physical sensation of touch.
Another study found a strong positive connection between autonomic nervous system arousal—including increased heart rate, respiration, and electrodermal activity—and the pleasure of listening to good music. The highest recorded moments of pleasure, as indicated by chills (aka frisson), occurred when participants listened to songs they personally considered pleasurable (the study included the list of all the songs participants selected, a crowd-sourced sex playlist in its own right). Which is to say, perhaps unsurprisingly, the sexiest music is also the music you most enjoy.
As such, while the common refrain is that a fast BPM or a smooth R&B jam makes for the best sexy music, these characteristics don’t necessarily determine arousal, nor do they inherently make for better mood setters. Music educator Elena Bowman concurs: “While stimulation (in the broadest sense) arises from a combination of nostalgia, dopamine, and other bodily processes, I wouldn’t make the argument that a certain tempo is better for fucking. It’s not down to the chord structure. It’s not built into a genre.”
For me, Florence + the Machine’s dramatic, ethereal songs most frequently send shivers down my spine. Nearly a quarter of “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times” is composed of my favorite band’s music, spaced out to ensure a sense of variety as the playlist progresses. For Bowman, “Dave’s Gone Skiing” by Toto is the sexiest song purely because it’s “some of the most technical writing you can find in rock music. It’s [got] asynchronous time signatures, it’s [got] precipitous storytelling, and it’s not bogged down by any lyrical structure. It’s hot as fuck.”
Orchestral percussionist and music journalist Donna Lee Davidson cited Michael Jackson’s “Butterflies” as a top-tier sexy song, since “it knows how to delay a progression. Michael Jackson in general knows how to make you wait.” She also mentioned Janelle Monáe’s “The Rush” because “it’s a good example of both [lyrics and sound] coming together,” and Destin Conrad for his suggestiveness: “Lowkey, I thought the person who sent [his album, LOVE ON DIGITAL] to me was feeling me; that’s how sexy the music was.”
In other words, any song has the capacity to be sexy if the person listening to it deems it so.
Anticipatory pleasure
While individual musical taste influences one’s pleasure, there are still sonic tendencies that tend to elicit frisson more frequently. One key study on the subject reported that frisson-evoking songs often contain unexpected harmonies, along with melodic appoggiaturas (an extra note added before the main chord note), and melodic or harmonic sequences (the repetition of notes in a different pitch). Essentially, frisson can spring from sounds that are distinctive and surprising while still remaining somewhat familiar and comfortable.
Another study noted a positive relation between sonic complexity and arousal. The music becomes more engaging—erotic, one could say—when you know a change in sound is coming, but it hasn’t yet arrived. Tension builds. It’s during this anticipatory waiting period that dopamine is released. It’s why a beat drop hits so hard, or a bridge feels so cathartic: it’s the biggest awaited change in the song.
This echoes what Davidson told me regarding the link between musical pacing and eroticism: “[It’s] not [about] rhythm so much as pacing. There’s something happening internally within the progression that is not allowing you to arrive at the next musical idea. It’s not just about [being] slow; it’s about the resolution. Say you have something that’s moving quickly, but you’re still being made to wait [for the resolution to the chord], you’re waiting for that release.”
This is true of listening to individual songs, but it’s also important to keep in mind when creating your playlist as a curated work. While I’ve constructed “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times” to have a sonic progression—beginning with slower, moodier music that eventually escalates in tempo and tone—I also like to put it on shuffle to keep that feeling of surprise alive no matter how many times I’ve listened to it. What could build anticipation more than not knowing what comes next?
Sensuality in sound
What makes a song sexy to me isn’t dramatic or intense production, or explicit lyrics about sex itself. Instead, it’s often about a more understated kind of sensuality: the slow lick of a warbling guitar; a breathy, echoing harmony; a moody, slower beat. Musicologist Nate Sloan comments that Nina Simone’s use of double entendre in “Sugar in My Bowl” is almost akin to “lyrical lingerie”—sexy because it prompts the imagination. It’s hot precisely because it’s not trying too hard to be sexual. When I listen to these sensual songs, I can’t help but imagine soft hands slowly tracing my body, regardless of what the song is actually about.
Frankly, I barely consider lyrics when adding songs to “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times,” and yet my attraction to the sound follows a similar logic. My playlist includes songs about breakups, fraught friendships, and toxic relationships simply because they sound erotic. I listen for and follow the emotion these songs provoke in my body, rather than what they literally, lyrically, express.
Take, for example, the song I always begin “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times” with, even when I set it to shuffle: “Lipstick on the Glass” by Wolf Alice is the sexiest song I’ve heard because it sounds overwhelmingly sensual. Even though it’s about cheating, the song never fails to send a shiver of desire down my spine. It begins quietly, slowly, with a moody guitar and a sustained high note that is either from a synthesizer or human voice, I can’t tell which. Ellie Rowsell’s vocals are breathy and layered with echoes throughout the song, evoking an ethereal, soft yearning. The sharp sting of the cymbal and the steady beat of the drum undercuts it all, creating a sense of urgency that contrasts with that floaty sound. For me, it’s eroticism incarnate.
Different kinds of sex can be set to different scores
I routinely play “Lipstick on the Glass” first, not only because it turns me on, but because it sets the tone for the kind of sexual encounter I want: something intimate and a little tender, even when there’s also tension or intensity. Other kinds of sexual dynamics might best be scored by other kinds of music. Something pulsing and epic like “ZITTI E BUONI” by Måneskin could set the vibe for a good session of impact play. Something laid back and grooving like “Sexy Villain” by Remi Wolf would be good for a late afternoon lazy fuck.
Who says you can only have one sex playlist? Experiment with different combinations of songs with different energies for all the different kinds of sex you’re having and want to have.
If you’re ready to dive in, follow this step-by-step formula for how to construct your own banging sex playlist…
A track list for a captivating sex playlist
The Overture:
[3-6 songs that are slower, moodier, and more sensual.]
Beginning with some more restrained music allows for a stronger sense of escalation later, and it's a great way to set the scene.
Some of my earliest tracks on “Sssseeexxxxyyyyy times” are (the aforementioned) “Lipstick on the Glass” by Wolf Alice, “She” by Harry Styles, “Biting Down” by Lorde, and “We Were Out Again Too Late” by Blue Kid.
The Rhythm Section:
[3-4 songs that are a little heavier, with a strong drum beat or bassline.]
Following along with one of the notable instruments in a song can help sustain a good rhythm. I still like to keep it a little on the slower side, but different tempos rock in different ways.
My songs of choice for this section are “Go Slow” by HAIM, “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys, “The Moneymaker” by Rilo Kiley, and “Howl” by Florence + the Machine.
The Minor Key Interlude:
[2-4 songs that have a darker tone to them.]
Some of the most erotic songs are written in a minor key, which conveys a sense of tension, transgression—and that’s hot.
I love “NFWMB” by Hozier, “Geyser” by Mitski, and “Haunt (Demo)” by Bastille for their darkly erotic sound, though many of the songs previously mentioned could also fit into this slot.
The Sonic Climax:
[3-5 songs that are an explosion of intense sound.]
Play some music that turns up the volume: songs that are loud and propulsive and high energy. This musical cathartic release will be a great prelude to… other forms of cathartic release.
For a finale, I go for “Bedroom Hymns” by Florence + the Machine, “Training Season” by Dua Lipa, and “Moderation” by Florence + the Machine.
Whether it’s singing along together during karaoke at two in the morning, being serenaded in the car as a way to say “I love you,” or sending songs to someone when they’re away, music has enhanced some of my strongest relationships—both platonic and romantic.
What could make for a better ice-breaker with your next Feeld connection than swapping sexy song recommendations? Maybe it'll even forge the foundations of a new curation.
