A guide to edging (and doing it well)

What happened when I (accidentally) learned to edge

Welcome to delayed gratification in sexual form, AKA: the art of edging. The phenomenon of prolonged pleasure basically means getting as close to orgasm as possible… and then stopping. Again and again and again until it’s time to give in. 

Take it from me: The first time I discovered edging, I thought I had, like some fifteenth-century sex explorer, invented it myself. It was completely by accident. I was milliseconds from orgasm, and my sister walked into my room, so I rapidly had to turn my vibrator off and pretend I was asleep (fooling absolutely nobody). When I started up again, that little build-up beforehand and the denial of release meant that, when I did come, it was the best orgasm I had ever experienced in my entire life. I then became addicted to it, thinking I had invented a secret new way to climax myself to death every night, stopping only when the batteries died in my vibrator, and I had to sneakily steal them from different appliances around the house.

But it's much more than a fun solo affair; edging is a very versatile activity. It can also be a truly intimate act to try with a partner, and you can incorporate it into everything from more vanilla sex to intense BDSM play—with delights to be found no matter your gender or sexuality. 

Why do people edge?

“There are plenty of reasons for edging,” says sex educator, mental health professional, pro Domme, and writer Lola Jean, “from intensifying the eventual orgasm to making arousal a game and playing with each part to counteract an inherent pressure to come.”

While a stronger orgasm is often a very welcome result, people edge for all kinds of reasons. At its core, edging is about exploration. It invites you to step outside the typical goal-driven approach to sex—where orgasm is the finish line—and instead focus on sensation, build-up, and control.

“While edging is often thought of as an orgasm enhancer,” Lola Jean adds, “it can also be helpful for those who struggle to climax by putting edging—not orgasm—as the ‘goal.’” It creates space to tune into the body without the urgency to perform or finish.

“For those who enjoy teasing or feeling frustrated,” she says, “the main course may be the edging itself.” In other words, it’s not just a means to an end—it can be the experience.

For some, edging is about enhancing erotic tension. For others, it's about learning how their body works, finding new sources of pleasure, or even reclaiming power in their sexual experiences. In partnered contexts, it becomes a shared experiment in timing, trust, and communication. And for those interested in kink, it can play a central role in power exchange and control dynamics.

Ultimately, people edge because they're curious: about what their bodies are capable of, how long they can last, and what happens when they sit with—and even savor—the ache of almost coming. It's a practice rooted in desire, and in daring to stretch that desire just a little further each time.

The benefits of edging

“Edging can be a very playful practice,” says Lola Jean, “which can lead to a more carefree and generous view on sex as a whole.”

Whether you're flying solo or with a partner, edging has more to offer than just a delayed climax. These are the kinds of benefits that can deepen your pleasure and sharpen your connection with yourself or someone else:

Orgasms that work for you

If you sometimes struggle to orgasm or feel pressure to come quickly, edging can help take that pressure off. By slowly building up and stopping before the peak, you give yourself time to figure out what actually feels good. The more you explore, the more in tune you become with your body, and the easier it gets to reach orgasm on your own terms.

Stronger, more intense climaxes

“Edging can intensify orgasms—when or if they do eventually happen,” says Lola Jean. It builds anticipation and sensation in waves, often making the final release more powerful—physically and emotionally.

Longer-lasting sex

“Edging also prolongs play,” she adds, “which leaves more opportunity for connection and satisfaction.” It's great for anyone looking to increase stamina, sync up orgasms, or just make the whole situation last a little (or a lot) longer.

Better self-awareness

Edging encourages you to really listen to your body. You learn where your "edge" is, what turns you on, what cools you down, and how to navigate those signals in real time. That kind of body awareness is sexy and super useful when it comes to communicating what you like with a partner.

Less pressure to perform

If you've ever felt like sex is more about performing than feeling, edging can shift the vibe. It's not about rushing to the finish line—it's about slowing down, playing with pleasure, and focusing on the moment. For people who experience performance anxiety, this can be a total game-changer.

Stronger connection with your partner(s)

Edging together takes trust, communication, and a bit of teamwork—all of which can bring you closer, both in and out of bed. Letting someone bring you to the brink (or being the one in control) can be incredibly intimate. And the moment of finally letting go? It’s even better when it's shared.

How to edge

Now, let's explore how to add edging to your repertoire.

Solo play: mastering the art for yourself

"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" This twee Ru Paul quote is overused for a reason. To be able to edge a play partner to within an inch of their life, you must first master the art of edging yourself. Luckily, it's enjoyable research.

If you prefer to play with toys, then get out your favorite vibrator, dildo, or sleeve—there is no set way to orgasm (and remember to use the appropriate lube, should you wish). This isn't a quick "sort yourself out and go." No, this is a luxury experience. Grab extra pillows, put on music, and get really comfy, because you’re going to bring yourself to the edge—and linger there. You're exploring new territory, and that takes time. See where your body leads you.

Don’t worry if things feel strange at first. It's very hard to stop right before the point of orgasm (and you’re essentially going against your natural instinct). So give yourself a bit of a breather and start again. You might find yourself starting from where you left off, or maybe you've fallen a little behind and need to work up again.  

Once you feel you can't hold on any longer, let go and enjoy that orgasm—you earned it. If you want to push yourself further, you could always try one more build-up, or even time yourself and increase the amount of time by a few minutes each session, if you really want to go the extra mile.

Try to not stress about the process or get too tied up in doing it "perfectly"; rather, focus on your body and being present in the sensations of the build-up, in what works, and what feels good.

Playing with an intimate partner: edging together

Delayed gratification can be a deeply intimate act to enjoy with another person: there are few things sexier than being so familiar with someone’s body, that you know when they’re literally on the brink of an orgasm. It can also be the perfect way to submit to, or dominate, an enthusiastic partner.

Edging can serve as foreplay, or be the main event. Make sure to communicate with each other throughout, letting your partner know when you’re close, when you need to stop, and when you need a break—not only is this integral to learning about each other's pleasure, but it's also very hot in its own right. In fact, when it's time to come, you might like to try playfully asking your partner for permission to orgasm.

If you’re the giver in this situation, remember you don’t have to edge your partner into a sweaty frenzy—teasing and learning can be the goal. Build them up, listen, and react to how their body is reacting, or slow down when you feel them even start to climax, rather than cruelly deny them at the peak. 

Edging in BDSM

Whether you enjoy holding the power or relinquishing it, controlling orgasms has been an intrinsic part of BDSM since people started getting kinky. If you want to try edging at its peak, then orgasm control in a BDSM dynamic could be for you. 

The idea of orgasm control is essentially someone in a dominant role physically controlling when someone in a submissive role orgasms by edging them, but they are not allowed to reach climax without express permission from the dominant partner. The submissive person might also be in some kind of bondage—meaning that no matter how much they want to orgasm, they are physically unable to, even by their own hands (unless they use a safe word to end the scene).

Orgasm control is typically performed with powerful toys like wands, as the idea is to get the submissive party so desperate for release that they are begging and pleading for it. And when the dominant finally gives in to the submissive’s begging, the release can feel like nothing ever felt before.

Edging as exploration, not just endurance

For some people, stopping stimulation just before climax can cause their arousal to disappear completely. This isn't a sign that edging is harmful, or that you're doing it wrong, but rather a reminder of how important it is to understand your body, your sexual responses, and what influences your level of desire.

Tuning into your boundaries, and communicating clearly if you're edging with a partner, is essential for a hot and satisfying edging experience. If you encounter unpleasant emotions or find it difficult to reach orgasm later when you want to, take a break.

Edging isn't just about lasting longer or chasing a better orgasm, although those are great bonuses. It is a practice of curiosity, mindfulness, and erotic self-knowledge that lets you explore the edges of your pleasure with intention and control.

It's not a performance. It's not something you have to "perfect." It's an invitation to get to know your body and your desire more intimately—and maybe even to invite someone else along for the ride.

Whether you're looking to try edging for the first time, find partners who are into mutual pleasure, or take your erotic communication to new depths, the Feeld app is the perfect space to start those conversations. 

Drawn-out, delayed, and deeply satisfying pleasure is always worth the wait. So take your time. We're here when you're ready to explore your edges.