Bi erasure—What is it and why does it happen?

That feeling of existing in-between worlds is not, of course, a simple by-product of being bi. Instead, it’s likely to be the result of bi erasure or bi invisibility: the invalidation of bisexuality by suggesting that it’s simply a pipeline to being gay, that someone is confused, or that they need to “pick a side.” Of course, this is biphobia, and it isn’t up to anyone else to validate your sexuality—whether you’ve identified as bisexual for a while, are bi-curious, or feel yourself moving through the bi-cycle. Let’s explore bi-erasure, the subtle ways it might take shape, and the impact that it can have. 

What is bi erasure?

Bi erasure ignores, downplays, and invalidates bisexuality as a sexual orientation by insinuating bi people are actually gay, or conversely, that they’re really straight but just want to experiment. This kind of erasure may be obvious; for example, the suggestion that a bisexual person who previously dated someone of the same gender has “turned straight” if their next partner is the “opposite” gender, or more inconspicuous, like that classic, unfunny joke about bisexuals just being “greedy.” 

As academic researcher Katie L Griffin writes: “Rejection, or requirement to conform, by the heterosexual community is felt by bisexuals in both overt and subtle ways… [and] homosexual communities can be similarly rejecting of bisexuals.” In her article “If It's Wednesday, I Must Be Gay, and Other Thoughts on Bisexual Identity Development,” she describes a therapy client of hers experiencing bi erasure with a friend: the two men were reminiscing about their friendship, only for the friend to forget the man’s previous long-term relationship with another man. She also talks about the perception that bi people only feel welcome in LGBTQ+ spaces if they’re in a relationship with someone of the same gender, and appear “gay enough to pass.” 

The connection between biphobia and bi erasure

Biphobia—an outright or internalized prejudice against bi people—and bi erasure are two sides of the same coin. Bi erasure is just one of the ways that biphobia might manifest, because it’s linked to perceptions of bisexuality being somehow less valid than other orientations. 

What’s the difference between biphobia and bi erasure?

Biphobia and bi erasure are closely related, but there are subtle differences. Biphobia is defined as prejudice or discrimination directed at bisexual people, while bi erasure is the denial or questioning of bisexuality, by insisting bi people must actually be straight or gay. 

While bi erasure revolves around doubting bisexuality, biphobia can play out in other ways—like unfounded claims that bi people are more likely to cheat or are all promiscuous, or actively excluding bi people from certain spaces. Bi erasure, meanwhile, is subtler but no less impactful. It might come in the form of comments about not having “picked a side,” assumptions that your sexuality has changed if your current partner is a different gender to the last, or “jokes” that you can’t make your mind up between being straight or gay. Of course, this isn’t really a joke. But if someone is ignorant of what it means to be bisexual, and the impact of biphobia, they may say something like this without malicious intentions. That doesn’t excuse it, of course, but bi erasure can come from a lack of awareness as well as outright prejudice. 

Why does bi erasure happen?

The reasons for bi erasure are manifold. A big one is compulsory heterosexuality, or comphet—a term coined in 1980 by lesbian writer Adrienne Rich—which refers to the societal narrative that heterosexuality is the default state, and other identities and orientations are therefore erased.

What’s more, until relatively recently, bisexual people simply weren’t counted in official statistics. The U.K. Census, for example, didn’t ask about sexuality or gender identity until 2021, and in the U.S. public health researchers found themselves battling pushback from anti-gay organizations on including sexual orientation in their studies. Words like “diverse” were sometimes used instead of bisexual, lesbian, or gay, meaning that accurate and historical data on the number of bi people in the general population was seriously lacking. 

This means that bisexuals were also underrepresented in other studies, such as research looking into physical and mental health experience. According to GLAAD, bi people can face worse health outcomes, as meaningful policies aimed at improving their life experiences can’t be made when the data doesn’t show a need for them. 

Then there’s the way bi invisibility casually shows up in everyday discourse. The Very Online among us might remember the amusing moment that a convicted felon, the Q-Anon Shaman (that guy who wore a furry headdress to the 2021 attack on the Capitol building) became an unlikely bisexuality defender on Twitter (aka X). Someone had tweeted their distaste at a Netflix biopic of Alexander the Great “turn[ing] him gay,” only for the Shaman to reply that Alexander was, in fact, a well-known bisexual. The historical consensus, says Reuters, is that “sexual fluidity” was common in ancient Greece, and Alexander likely did have relationships with men. But you can’t even make a historically accurate TV show these days without someone complaining it’s because of woke.

Bi erasure in history

Nowadays, the B has a firm place in LGBTQ+, but that hasn’t always been the case. Prior to the early 1990s, bi people were not routinely included in activism. In 1993, the organizing committee of the March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation voted on the name and the inclusion of “bi” (and, as national organizer Deborah Moncrief Bell remembers, voted against the inclusion of “transgender”). 

It had been a struggle in the previous decades for lesbians to be included in the gay rights movement, so widening the definition of who was included did not happen overnight. In fact, bisexuals may have identified as gay instead in the ’80s, as activist campaigns at the time centered around coming out as gay and were not inclusive of other sexualities.

Examples of bi erasure today

• Assuming bi people are attracted to anyone and everyone: Writing for the British Psychological Society (BPS) student Thomas York says: “I remember instances of being asked, 'are you attracted to anyone in this room?'—the stereotype about bisexuality being that I am automatically attracted to everyone.” 

• Assuming someone’s sexuality based on their current partner: On a Reddit thread asking people for their experiences of bi erasure in the LGBTQ+ community, one contributor who self-described as gay, said. “Oddly I found it really easy to not assume people were straight, but if I met a guy who talked about nothing but men, I assumed they were gay.”
• Thinking that bisexuality is only valid if someone has dated or slept with people of multiple genders: Sometimes, bi people encounter the idea that they have to have physically been with people of the same and the opposite gender for their sexuality to be “real.” As one man, who is married to another man, wrote on Reddit: “[Someone] told me basically that I'm not [bi] because I've never actually been with a woman.”

• Suggesting that bisexuality is a phase, or a stepping stone to coming out as gay: As we’ve mentioned, the biphobic belief that bisexuality is not an orientation in itself, but an experimental phase or a pathway to being gay, is also erasure. There are also differences in how bisexuality is perceived in terms of gender, particularly among cisgender men and women. For example, one study found that heterosexual men felt more negatively toward bi men than bi women. 

How does bi erasure manifest in the media?

A GLAAD report from 2024-2025, researching the representation of LGBT+ characters in the media, found that bisexuals made up only 20% of all LGBTQ characters.

The media offers a way for bi people to see themselves represented, and to have their stories told, as well as shaping perception of queer communities in a positive way. In the specific case of bi erasure, literal erasure in the media can have real-world impact. 

Bi erasure in the media can take various forms. A common misconception we see reiterated is the idea that bisexual people are really gay, as in Sex and the City season 3, episode 4, when Carrie Bradshaw calls bisexuality a “layover to Gaytown.” Some shows have implied bisexuality corresponds to unhealthy relationships, as in queer drama The L Word, where one viewer says of the character Jenny: “The revelations that she is evil go hand in hand with the fact that she is bi.” 

The Netflix cartoon Big Mouth also came under fire for its reductive explanation of what bisexuality means. Pansexual character Ali said: “If you’re bisexual, you like tacos and burritos. But I’m saying I like tacos and burritos, or I could be into a taco that was born a burrito.” Viewers pointed out that this erroneously suggested bi people are only attracted to cisgender people, while pansexual people are attracted to trans people too. In reality, being bisexual does not imply a preference for cis people. 

There are many more examples, like Frank in House of Cards being portrayed as less bisexual and more using sex with multiple genders as a power play, and Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones, whose bisexuality is associated with promiscuity, when the two are unrelated. 

Bi erasure in the LGBT+ community

Bi erasure doesn’t only happen in hetero spaces. As licensed clinical counsellor Sara Al-Khedairy explains: “In queer spaces, bi people may worry they’re not seen as ‘queer enough.’ When they’re with a partner of a similar gender, they may encounter assumptions that they’re gay, or pressure to ‘pick a side.’ Either way, the nuance of their identity gets flattened.”

One Redditor recalled: “I’ve been told that I’m not bi, because I’m in a straight-passing relationship.” While bisexual people are widely embraced in the queer community, these kinds of assumptions and invalidating stereotypes can unfortunately still follow them into some queer spaces.

Is pansexuality bi erasure?

Both bisexuality and pansexuality encompass attraction to people of multiple genders. The main difference is that, for bisexual people, gender can be a significant part of attraction while pansexuality is characterized as attraction regardless of gender. Some people might use these two terms interchangeably. But the adoption of pansexuality as an identity doesn’t mean erasing bisexuality. Instead, it’s about choosing the terms or labels—if any—that best describe your own experience. 

To explore further, take a look at our guide to understanding bisexuality and pansexuality, and the difference between them.

Discourse and activism around bi erasure

There are various efforts to tackle bi erasure and biphobia. The #StillBisexual campaign, launched in 2015, promotes and encourages people to share their lived experiences of being bi. The same organization also raised awareness of characters in media whose bisexuality was buried in mystery, with Why Won’t You Let Me Say I’m Bi? 

An even longer-running campaign is Bi Visibility Day, which has been active since 1999. Its purpose, as well as challenging biphobic narratives, is to celebrate the work of local, national, and international organizations working to further bi acceptance. The Bisexual Resource Center started running Bi Health Month in 2014, to highlight the fact that, according to their research, bi people face higher rates of addiction, depression, and poverty than their gay or lesbian counterparts. 

The impact of bi erasure on individuals and communities

“When someone questions or invalidates a bisexual person’s identity, it can be incredibly dysregulating and destabilizing, like being told their lived experience isn’t real,” says Al-Khedairy. “It can leave people feeling ‘too much’ or ‘not enough’ for anyone. They might wonder if they even belong in queer spaces, hesitate before coming out to friends, question how partners will perceive them, or second-guess their identity in relationships. It can make something that should feel liberating feel instead like something they have to constantly justify or explain.”

Not only might bi people have to contend with those who suggest that they’re going through a “phase,” or queer people wondering if they’re really “committed to the community,” as Al-Khedairy puts it, there’s also structural erasure. “Medical forms might assume binary sexuality, leading to providers making biased assumptions about risk, to legal and policy systems that don’t track or understand bi experiences,” she explains. “It reinforces feelings that their identity is an exception.”

How can I support someone experiencing bi erasure?

“One of the most supportive things you can do is take someone’s identity at face value,” says Al-Khedairy. “No questioning required. Lead with curiosity, openness, and respect, and lean into conversations that allow the bisexual person to share what this identity means to them, and how it shapes their experience of the world. We don’t need to share someone’s identity to show up for them with consistency, care, and genuine affirmation.”

There are also ways you can check your own unconscious bias too, like not assuming the gender of someone’s partner, and defaulting to using “they” if you’re unsure.

If you experience bi erasure yourself, it’s up to you how much explaining you want to do about your own identity. When it comes to people in your life—friends, partners, family members, or colleagues—you might feel that you want to open up a transparent conversation, addressing any comments they’ve made about your sexuality that make you feel invalidated. However, you shouldn’t feel pressure or responsibility to “convince” others of your bisexuality—and if people continue to deny your identity or ignore your requests, you might want to think further about your relationship. 

Elsewhere, you can seek connection with people in bi-positive communities who better understand your experience. Feeld is one of those communities. You can connect with like-minded individuals at IRL events, or on the app, or simply discover more about your own identity.