Have you ever felt curious about your attraction to people of different genders but aren't quite sure how to label it yet? You’re not alone, and it's perfectly okay to be unsure.
Discovering your sexual identity is a personal and exciting journey, and for some, identifying as bi-curious is a great way to explore new aspects of attraction and desire with an open mind. But what does it really mean to be "bi-curious," and how do you navigate the dating world while you're still figuring things out?
Being bi-curious often means exploring your attraction to multiple genders without feeling the need to immediately adopt a label. For some, labels can provide clarity and help them feel understood. For others, they might feel limiting or unnecessary. The most important thing is giving yourself the space to explore at your own pace—there's no right or wrong way to do it.
To help shed some light on this process, we talked with Erica Smith, M.Ed., a sex educator who specializes in purity culture recovery and queer sex ed. Erica offers insights on how to create a supportive, judgment-free space as you navigate your sexual identity.
Whether you’re just starting to understand your attractions, or looking for tips on dating while you're still figuring it out, this guide is here to provide helpful advice, insights, and resources to support you every step of the way.
What is the difference between bisexual and bi-curious?
Figuring out where you stand on the spectrum of sexual attraction can feel like a journey. For some, labels like bisexual or bi-curious provide clarity; for others, they may feel limiting or unnecessary. Either way, there’s no rush—what matters is understanding what feels right for you.
Bisexuality and bi-curiosity are two terms that are often mentioned together, but they describe different experiences.
Bisexuality refers to an ongoing attraction to people of more than one gender. Bisexual folks often embrace this label to express the fluidity of their feelings. While the traditional definition implied attraction to men and women, it has since evolved to include non-binary and genderqueer people.
Bi-curiosity, on the other hand, is more about exploring or questioning those attractions. It’s for people who might not feel ready to commit to a label like bisexual, but are curious to see where feelings or experiences might take them.
“While ‘bisexual’ is an identity label for people who know they’re attracted to genders like and unlike their own, bi-curious people might just be starting to explore,” explains Erica. “They know they’re curious about bisexuality, but they aren’t ready to define it yet.”
Then there’s heteroflexibility. People who identify as heteroflexible typically see themselves as straight, but are open to the possibility of occasional attractions or experiences with people of other genders without fully identifying as bisexual or pansexual.
Where bi-curiosity often signals an intentional exploration of sexuality, heteroflexibility is more about openness—less an identity and more a description of behavior. Both terms highlight the fluid nature of attraction, but the key difference lies in intention: bi-curious folks might be seeking to answer questions about their sexuality, while heteroflexible people are often comfortable sticking with their primary identity as straight.
Labels are tools, not rules. For some, labels like bisexual, bi-curious, or heteroflexible offer a sense of identity and connection, while for others, they’re not necessary at all. What’s important is that you feel free to explore, learn, and grow at your own pace—no pressure, no expectations.
How to know if you're bi-curious
If you're wondering whether you might be bi-curious, the most important thing is to give yourself the space to reflect on your feelings without pressure. Erica suggests that "having ongoing thoughts or fantasies about people of the same gender or similarly presenting genders" could be a sign of bi-curiosity.
For many people, it starts with identifying as heterosexual, and then feeling curious about romantic or sexual experiences with someone of the same gender. You might ask yourself, "Am I curious about connecting with someone of a different gender?," or "Am I open to exploring feelings and attractions I haven’t experienced before?"
Signs of bi-curiosity might also include finding a connection when hearing about others who are sexually fluid. You might also identify with characters in books, movies, or shows who are bisexual, or feel curiosity about exploring sex with someone of the same gender.
Additionally, if you've had sexual experiences with someone of the same gender and felt emotionally or physically positive about it, or if you admire both genders for their physical traits, these could also be signs that you're exploring bi-curiosity.
How to meet other bi-curious people
Meeting other bi-curious or queer people can be incredibly helpful as you explore your own identity. It’s reassuring to connect with others who are on a similar journey, and finding a supportive community can make the process feel more comfortable and affirming. Whether you're looking for friends, guidance, or potential connections, there are plenty of ways to meet bi-curious folk.
Online platforms like Feeld are a great place to start. Adjusting your preferences to include people of the same gender can be a simple but meaningful first step. Take your time browsing a few profiles, see how it feels, and explore connections at your own pace. Being open about where you are in your journey helps you connect with others who might be in a similar place, which can lead to more authentic conversations.
If you prefer meeting people in person, local LGBTQ+ events, pride celebrations, and queer meetups provide welcoming spaces to connect. Erica suggests starting with non-sexual events. "Go to a community event or meetup and just see how you feel in the space," she recommends. These gatherings offer an opportunity to build a sense of belonging without feeling pressured. Exploring bisexuality is a personal journey, and there's no one right way to do it. Every new connection can help you learn more about yourself and what you’re seeking.
Navigating bi-curious dating
Exploring your bi-curiosity through dating can be an exciting and enriching experience. With clear communication, emotional readiness, and realistic expectations, you can build meaningful connections while staying true to yourself.
Open communication and honesty
When you're bi-curious, clear communication is key. It’s important to be upfront with potential partners about where you are in your journey. As Erica suggests, "Think about what you want out of dating, approach it with curiosity, communicate well with your partners, and be honest with yourself and each other." While you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation, sharing that you're still exploring your attraction to different genders can help set a healthy tone and manage expectations early on.
Being honest about your curiosity creates a foundation of trust and respect with your connections. It helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that both you and any potential partners are on the same page. For example, if you’re dating someone who identifies as queer, they may assume that you're certain of your sexual identity. Erica recommends approaching the subject with something like: "I’m still exploring my attraction to different genders." That’s a chance to give your date the opportunity to decide whether they're comfortable participating in your exploration.
If you’re nervous about bringing up your bi-curiosity, it’s okay—acknowledging that the conversation might feel difficult can actually make it easier. A simple, "Hey, this feels hard to talk about, but…" can help ease into the conversation. Being upfront allows for mutual understanding as you both share and learn together, helping you connect in an honest and supportive way.
Boundaries and self-care
Respecting your own boundaries—and those of anyone you’re with—is essential when dating while bi-curious. Take your time, and don't feel pressured to label yourself immediately. It’s okay to step back from situations that don’t feel right. As Erica puts it, "It’s important to communicate your feelings and boundaries clearly, especially if you're still figuring out what you're looking for."
Exploring bi-curiosity through dating apps
Dating apps like Feeld can also be a helpful tool to explore your bi-curiosity. "Use apps to dip your toes into bisexuality,” Erica suggests. ”Even just opening your search up to people of the same gender is a big first step." Be transparent with anyone you meet, letting them know that you’re still figuring things out. This transparency creates an environment for honest connections, where you both understand each other’s journey.
Managing emotional readiness and expectations
Dating while bi-curious requires emotional readiness and self-reflection. Ask yourself what you hope to gain from exploring your sexual identity. It’s important to approach this journey with patience, allowing your identity to unfold at its own pace. Erica reminds us: "It’s okay to be curious, to try new things, and to decide what all of that means to your identity."
Feeling uncertain is a normal part of this process. Many people experience confusion as they explore their sexuality, and that’s perfectly fine. "Bi-curious people deal with confusion and uncertainty, but it’s helpful to remember that it’s okay to NOT have everything figured out," Erica adds. "A lot of people go on a journey with their sexuality as they come to the realization that they’re queer—or not—and this is normal."
Curiosity is how we grow, connect, and learn more about who we are—and exploring your bi-curiosity is no different. Whether you're just starting to notice new attractions, figuring out what feels right for you, or ready to connect with others who share your openness, this journey is yours to define.
There’s no rush to define yourself—or to stick with a label that doesn’t feel right. After all, they do say you shouldn’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Give yourself permission to explore, embrace what excites you, and see where your exploration takes you.
