Why am I only attracted to fictional characters?

Fictosexuality, sometimes called fictoromance or fictophilia, is a relatively new concept in the fields of sexology and psychology, defined as “strong and lasting feelings of love, infatuation, or desire for fictional characters.” For those who only feel attraction to fictional characters, in lieu of real people, it can be considered a flavor of asexuality. And since little research has been conducted on it, there’s a lot we still don’t know.

So let’s start with the big questions. Is this stuff “normal?” When does having the hots for fictional characters become fictosexuality? And what do these kinds of infatuations say about a person’s capacity for real-world relationships? With help from psychosexual therapist and sexologist Chloe Scotney, let’s talk about it.

Is it normal to be attracted to fictional characters?

Totally. Many people are. And it’s not hard to see why. 

A lot of the time, fictional characters are made to embody some of the most attractive features humans have going for them: they’re funny, intelligent, brave, kind—and often hot as hell to boot. Even the bad guys can get us going (in fact, sometimes, especially the bad guys can get us going) because their traits are still romanticized and eroticized in a way that real-world people just aren’t out here getting away with. Storytellers deliberately design characters with the aim of making us feel something. And when they’re good storytellers, it works.

Plus, “fictional characters are a really valuable resource for many of us in regards to working out elements of our sexuality,” adds Scotney. “Like, what genders are we attracted to? What personality traits intrigue us? What elements of human behavior do we find interesting?”

“Most of us have exposure to television, film, and books growing up,” she continues, “and while we’re still developing social skills and confidence in real life, these can be the only outlets we have to explore our sexual and romantic templates. This is very common and typical of human experience.”

Diving deeper on the psychology of attraction to fictional characters

In his 1984 monograph Imaginary Social Worlds, Professor John Caughey tracks the Western history of what he calls “fantasy relationships” all the way back to the deep bonds that people across cultures have had with gods, monarchs, spirits, and others idolized figures that they mightn’t have ever been able to meet in person. It seems it is human nature—part of the fabric of how we have always existed—to become attached to ideas of people who we either do not know, or do not exist. 

The term “parasocial relationship” has been popularized in recent years as social media has made fans feel closer to celebrities than ever before, but it was actually coined by psychologists in 1956 to describe the psychological attachment—or “illusion of intimacy”—that people developed with on-screen characters when TV was becoming more widely available. 

Why is this a phenomenon that we can’t seem to shake? Because not only are fictional characters often designed by their creators to be generally attractive, but—being, you know, not real—they’re easy targets for us to project our own personal desires and ideals onto. “[It’s] the ultimate fantasy,” says Scotney. “An individual we can interpret however we like, and attribute meaning to in a way that won’t be challenged by real life behaviors.”

Not to mention the fact that real life can be boring and painful. We crave novelty and escapism. The human mind is a creative, explorative, and often sexual thing—and it can feel safe to exercise this by fantasizing about fictional characters, fictional worlds, maybe even fictional versions of ourselves.

But what if I like fictional characters more than real people?

“There are many reasons why some of us might,” says Scotney.

Real world relationships can be hard. Fantasy ones aren’t. Fictional characters won’t be mean, give us mixed signals, or reject us in the same way that flesh-and-blood folks can. “Considering, also, the level of vulnerability many people feel around sex and intimacy, a fictional character is far less threatening,” says Scotney. “They can’t body shame us, or tell us we’re bad in bed. We can imagine we’re held very highly in their image, and we are in total control of the narrative we form around a potential relationship or entanglement with them.”

So let’s be clear that just because there are times when it feels easier to fantasize about fictional characters, this doesn’t mean that you’re fictosexual and/or asexual. But if you find yourself preoccupied with ideas of fictional characters (or, as psychologists define it, feeling “strong and lasting feelings of love, infatuation, or desire” for them)—and you largely don’t experience sexual attraction to people in real life—then you could be.

Online forums like Reddit, AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), and many others can be helpful spaces to connect with others who share these experiences, and try to make sense of your feelings with their support.

If you are on the asexual spectrum, it doesn’t mean there are no kinds of real-life relationships that can work for you. It may just be a case of designing your own relationship style—which may or may not involve sex.

Can being in love with fictional characters affect real-life relationships?

Anecdotally, we know that some “fictosexuals” or “fictophiles”—i.e. people who feel intensely in love with fictional characters—can struggle with this. But whether it’s an issue for you is a question only you can answer; it all depends on how your relationship to fictional characters is making you, and others around you, feel. 

“We have many ways of meeting our needs, and none of these are inherently wrong unless they are causing distress, or having negative impacts on our life,” says Scotney. So it’s up to individuals to ask themselves, is my preoccupation with this character starting to overshadow my reality? Am I spending excessive amounts of time thinking about them? Is it getting to a point where it’s causing me anguish, impacting my work or studies, and/or alienating myself from real-world people? 

But it’s also worth noting that real-life relationships are affected by many factors—and the context around why you might feel particularly strongly for fictional characters is important, says Scotney. Maybe you’re asexual. Maybe you just generally struggle with dating and connecting in real life. Maybe you’re dealing with stress, trauma, or bereavement. Maybe you’re in a long-term relationship wherein the novelty and excitement has waned. Maybe you’re just experiencing a natural dip in attraction and desire for real people (this ebbs and flows for everyone). 

In all such scenarios, feeling stronger connections to fictional characters could be a result, rather than the cause, of whatever real-world relationship issues we might be having. So, if you’re feeling distressed by a lack of desire for, or connection to, real people, try to interrogate the full context of it. And if you’re able to, and feel like it would be helpful, consider working through it with a therapist.

Ultimately, we’ve all had fantasies about people we’ll never meet, or who don’t exist. It’s a normal part of the human experience. It’s easy to judge behaviors—particularly sexual ones—if they fall outside of social conventions. But the bottom line is, it only becomes a “problem” if it’s causing you, or others around you, distress.

There’s no pressure to engage in real-life sexual or romantic relationships any time you’re not feeling it. But next time you are? Feeld’s got you covered.

In the meantime, learn more about different sexualities and terminology in our Glossary.