A week on Feeld with…a 28-year-old non-binary femme dyke in London.
October 30th, 2023
How does a dating app like Feeld fit into your day-to-day life? We’re taking a closer look at how real humans from our community use Feeld over the course of one week—whether that’s back-to-back dates, verbal foreplay, or a reflective time on one’s own.
Our “A Week on Feeld” series asks Feeld members to record a week of using the app—whether that’s back-to-back dates, long chats, and verbal foreplay, or reflective time on one’s own. This week we’re in London with Casey, a 28-year-old nonbinary self-described “femme dyke prinxess.” Casey is just over a year into their first non-monogamous relationship with a non-binary transmasc human. Casey knew for years they wanted non-monogamy, but wasn’t around the right people until a recent move to London introduced them to the local queer scene.
Off to work after a lovely weekend with friends! I recently started a new job; same boss as before but we’ve moved into a new company which is much fancier. It’s exciting, but I work with a lot of straight cis people and I’ve not quite figured out how much to share with them about my life. For now I’m mostly staying quiet. It’s hard when I’m living such an exciting life. I want to tell everyone every little detail of it, but I suspect my new colleagues will need some easing in…
On the bus to the tube station I catch up on messages from friends, look at photos from the weekend, and have a look at my new matches on Feeld. Inevitably I end up scrolling through my partner's profile because they’re so hot! Our profiles are linked, and it always makes me feel warm and fuzzy reading their profile; ‘“Come play with my partner and I?! How could you not, they’re a hottie!” Love it!
This evening is a chill one. The queer scene in London is always bursting with things to do, and I’ve started having to put down time into my diary so I’m not out every single night. My partner and I don’t live together, and we chill out separately on Monday nights. Pizza, Netflix, and a few flirty messages on Feeld. Perfect after a day of straights in an office!
My commute to work has given me the opportunity to get into reading. Last year, I read The Ethical Slut on London buses, and always got a bit of a rush knowing other commuters might be peering over to have a nosy at my book and getting a shock when they saw what was in there! At the moment I’m reading How To Change It and it’s SO INSPIRING. I’d started to give up on the belief that we have the power to change the world, but this book really makes it all feel possible again.
My partner, J, has a date tonight. It’s someone who they vaguely know through friends and then matched with on Feeld. I love that J is getting to explore play with cis men. Neither of us have for years, and I’m really pleased that I can support them with experimenting here. I love being non-monog, and I want them to have a fun time but inevitably the feelings of jealousy kick in! J knows this will happen, and makes sure to send me lots of sweet messages and voicenotes in the lead up to it. I go for a drink with a friend after work to distract myself. J and I make sure to always send each other a loving goodnight message when we’re on a date without the other, and their message is very much appreciated tonight. They’ve had a good time, they love me lots, and can’t wait to see me tomorrow. Same babe!
I treat myself to a chocolate milkshake on my way to work—I’m desperate to reconnect with J after their date, and I know I need to be really kind to myself today and prioritise self-care. I let my friends know I might need some extra love today. I do catch myself smiling a few times throughout the day knowing that J was able to explore last night and, despite being a bit anxious, I’m excited to hear about it.
I feel really proud of us for creating a relationship that works for us, where we both feel safe and secure enough to try out new things. I reflect on how non-monogamy has such a capacity to bring out our biggest triggers and attachment wounds, and how it equally gives us the opportunity to love and care on such a massive scale. The triggering moments can be hard but the growth, freedom, and commitment to communication massively outweigh them. There’s so much nuance to it all! It’s all full of juxtaposition and duality and contradictions.
J and I always put in time to reconnect the day after separate dates. Today, we make dinner, watch trash TV, and cuddle. They reassure me that they love me, and I reassure them that they haven’t done anything wrong. I’m really happy for them, and feel incredibly lucky to be in this relationship.
As I finish work today I get a message from B; a hot trans guy that both J and I matched with on Feeld recently. He lets me know he and his girlfriend, L, are going for a drink, and asks if J and I want to join. Absolutely!
J and I start getting ready for the spontaneous date—we’ve had threesomes before and been to play parties, but we’ve never hooked up with a couple! It’s fun getting dressed up and giggly with J, and I love that we get to share the first date nerves. We check in on what we’re okay with in this situation, what we’d like to try, what’s off limits, what our codewords are. We get to the bar first and find a table. B and L arrive shortly after, and they’re both gorgeous. After a couple of drinks and some good conversation, a moment naturally occurs where we all decide to go back to B’s flat.
B’s flat is FANCY. J and I try to keep it cool, but we can’t get over how nice it is. We have another drink and all start talking specifics about desires and boundaries. J and B bond over their experiences with top surgery, and me and L bond over our nipple piercings. This all smoothly leads into getting topless and chest touching. We head upstairs and, well, it’s a lot of fun!
I am full of endorphins today and working from home. I say “working,” but really it’s just sitting near my laptop grinning, replaying last night's events in my head. I always feel incredibly connected to J after we play together with others. It feels like a great team building and trust exercise. The fuzz of dopamine carries me through the day, and I hope my boss doesn’t realize I’m not really doing any work…
J is a cabaret performer, and tonight they have a gig. I absolutely love going along. Their act involves them stripping, and I love watching all the queers go wild for them! It makes them feel so good, and I love them having the affirmation of how attractive and desired they are. And I can’t lie—I feel pretty smug that I’m the one they’re making out with after their performance! We know lots of people at the gig and have a really fun night feeling sexy, getting tipsy, and dancing with friends.
Ah, the weekend! It’s finally here! I am exhausted so today I am relaxing. We bought a waffle maker last summer and use it to make brunch in our pyjamas with chill music playing. I sometimes can’t believe this is my life—I’ve had a really fun week, have a cool job, and now I’m dancing around the kitchen with my gorgeous, sweet partner while we make delicious food. Could life get any better?! We watch some TV, then J heads off to a pole dancing lesson, and I go to the gym.
We reconvene in the evening and head to a sapphic strip night. We have high expectations for it, and, in all honesty, it doesn’t quite deliver! We bump into someone I went on a date with last year and have a quick catch up, and J gets recognised by a few people who have seen them perform before. They’re a local celeb! We leave underwhelmed but also relieved that it wasn’t a super late night. We’ve got a big day tomorrow!
Right! Sunday! Absolutely not a day of rest!
We’ve been wanting to book a holiday and finally get round to it. J has found some great options for hotels and flights. We’re off to Cancun next month! I’ve never been out of Europe before, and I am SO excited!!
Now that’s done, we can focus on getting ourselves to Birmingham for a queer play party we’ve heard great things about. We’ve been to a few play parties before but haven’t loved them; generally, they’ve either felt very straight or lacking a social element. This one sounds like it’ll be different, and we’re willing to trek up to Birmingham to find out!
We discover the trip was totally worth it. The party was incredible; it’s in a building that is designed for play parties. There’s a jacuzzi, glory holes, dungeons, play rooms, and even a dogging room! There are icebreaker activities, a space to chat and get to know new people, good music, and queers everywhere! We get to fulfill a fantasy of J’s and play with a lot of cute people. What a way to spend a Sunday! We have a very content train journey home, and get into bed very happy.
I wonder what I’ll tell my colleagues tomorrow when they ask what I did at the weekend…