Feeld Releases State of Reflections, Vol 1: New research reveals the gap between how people actually desire and date and what society labels 'normal'

New York, NY — March 9, 2026 — Feeld, the dating app for the curious, today released State of Reflections, Vol. 1, a research report examining the gap between what is labeled "normal" and how people experience desire, relationships and sexuality.

The report finds that what society labels as "normal" is less a reflection of reality and more a product of cultural power, stigma, and silence; with most desires existing outside what is considered mainstream—and are far more common than we're led to believe. What is typically labelled ‘taboo’ is often not uncommon, but simply under-discussed.

Drawing on proprietary Feeld data and an external survey with independent research agency Censuswide, the study surveyed nearly 6,000 people spanning six continents and a wide range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, and gender identities. 

The result: a cultural disconnect in which people privately engage in diverse desires while publicly measuring themselves against an illusion of normalcy. 

"Sex and sexual health norms don't just reflect culture—they actively shape it," the report finds. "Mainstream men remain the reference point for 'normal,' shaping what gets labeled 'acceptable' or 'taboo.'"

Key findings: the gap between perception and reality

Kink in mainstream behavior, not fringe:

• 42% of external respondents report engaging in kink
• Among those who practice kink, 44% engage in role play - a higher rate than Feeld members (41%).
• Among Feeld members, 68% regularly practice kink, reflecting a culture of openness and communication rather than rarity.

Alternative relationship structures face perception gaps:

• 71% of Feeld members say alternative relationship structures are normal, compared to 28–29% of external respondents who view them as extremely abnormal.
• The gap suggests cultural messaging, not actual practice shapes what is considered acceptable

Conversations about safety and consent remain highly stigmatized in the mainstream:

• Only 25% of the general population rate talking about safe sex as ‘normal’
• By contrast, 75% of Feeld members rate talking about safe sex as normal 

Who defines “normal” - and who sees through it

State of Reflections also finds that people who date outside the mainstream are more attuned to how norms are constructed and more resistant to reproducing stigma. As the report states, "If you've felt stigma, you're more likely to recognize it—and less likely to reproduce it."

Mainstream dating culture has historically centered on straight, cisgender men as the default. Anything outside that framework is more likely to be labeled "abnormal," regardless of how widespread it actually is. The result: people privately engage in diverse desires while publicly measuring themselves against an illusion of normalcy.

Why it matters: silence creates stigma and risk

The report highlights how avoiding conversations about desire, boundaries, and consent doesn’t protect people - it creates harm. As the report states, “avoiding conversations about desire and consent keeps them taboo, and allows toxicity to flourish.”

By contrast, communities that normalize openness around consent and sexual health foster safer, more affirming experiences. The data suggests that spending time in such environments actively builds acceptance.

“Avoiding conversations about desire, consent, and boundaries increases risk and reinforces stigma,” says co-author Dr. Apryl Williams. “Our research shows that openness and honest dialogue create safer, more affirming spaces where people can explore their sexuality and relationships without shame. 'Normal' is not one-size-fits-all, and what society calls mainstream often excludes desires and practices that are far more common than we realize. By giving people the language and space to talk openly about the unconventional, we can shift dating culture toward acceptance, curiosity, and true safety.”  

From research to reflection

Alongside the report, Feeld today launched Reflections, a new self-discovery tool designed to help people better understand themselves, their desires, and what feels authentic to them outside of cultural comparison or judgment. The 30 minute experience, available free to members and non members, guides through three areas of sexual and personal identity: desires; boundaries and relationships to help people explore identity and desire on their own terms. 

“Reflections is one of the most defining experiences we’ve brought to Feeld,” says CEO Ana Kirova. “It embodies what we’ve always stood for—curiosity, self-discovery, and openness—while reflecting our core belief that meaningful connection starts with self-understanding. As a tool, it’s open to anyone to use whether they are a member or not. You can use it anonymously on our website, or as a part of your profile in the app. We wanted to make this as widely available and generous as we can.

Reflections creates the space for introspection, so every connection that follows can be more honest, intentional, and true to who you are.”

Together, State of Reflections Vol. 1 and Reflections position Feeld as a platform not just for connection, but for self-understanding - challenging the idea that there is one “normal” way to desire, date, or relate.

Find Full Press Kit here 

Try Reflections here

Methodology

Between October and November 2025, Feeld invited members to participate in a survey exploring identity, desire, and sexual norms. The survey was also distributed to non-Feeld users through the third-party research agency Censuswide.

In total, 5,712 people responded, including 1,705 Feeld members and 4,007 external participants. Respondents represented six continents and a broad range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, and gender identities.

The survey examined attitudes toward sexual normalcy, gender, ethical non-monogamy (ENM), and kink.

About Dr. Apryl Williams 

Apryl Williams, Ph.D., is Associate Professor of Media, Communication, and Digital Studies at the University of Michigan and Faculty Associate at the Berkman Klein Center for Internet & Society at Harvard University. She is the author of Not My Type: Automating Sexual Racism in Online Dating (Stanford University Press) and The Injustice of Fairness (The University of California Press). Her previous research has appeared in The New York Times, Vogue, Wired, and The Washington Post, among others. Her work has been supported by grants and fellowships from Google, the Mozilla Foundation, the Notre Dame IBM Technology Ethics Lab, the National Center for Institutional Diversity, and the Berkman Klein Center at Harvard University. With an interdisciplinary background, her research is influenced by black feminism, technology studies, critical internet studies, critical race theory, and critical media studies. She explores the lived black experience as it is shaped by algorithmic technocultures, the gendered black body, and race and racism as they manifest and evolve in our contemporary artificially fragmented society.

About Feeld

Feeld is the dating app for the curious; those open to experiencing people and relationships in new ways. Founded in 2014 by Ana Kirova and Dimo Trifonov after questioning the status quo of their own relationship, they were inspired to challenge cultural scripts around gender, sexuality, and dating on a global scale. Feeld’s ever-evolving platform creates a safer space online and IRL for people to explore their curiosities outside of existing blueprints and find meaningful human connections of all kinds. Feeld has led with a progressive mindset since its inception, pioneering a remote-first work model with a globally distributed team. With over 20 sexuality and gender options in-app and growing, Feeld is a space for the experiences that make us feel alive and most intimately connected to ourselves and others. Learn more at feeld.co.