Understanding arospec identities—the aromantic spectrum

For some, the idea of romance doesn’t hold the same appeal - or it doesn’t resonate at all. Not everyone feels those butterflies or dreams of grand romantic gestures. Instead, there are countless other ways to build meaningful, fulfilling lives and connections. This is where the aromantic spectrum comes in.


But what exactly does it mean to be aromantic? This guide explores the aromantic spectrum, the diverse orientations that fall under it, and the importance of recognizing that there’s no one-size-fits-all way to navigate love and relationships.

What is arospec?

Most commonly referred to as arospec, the aromantic spectrum is the umbrella term for anyone who lacks or feels very little romantic attraction toward others. People who identify as arospec, may feel some types of romantic attraction, but not in the “standard” way like alloromantic folks (i.e. people who do).  

Like most spectrums, there are varying degrees of being arospec, from extreme to mild, and everything in between. Some people feel confused by romantic attraction, while others are completely repulsed by the idea of holding hands. Some can feel romantic attraction after forming a relationship with someone they care deeply about—it’s not black and white. Plus, there are terms to describe all of these different relationships with romance that sit under the aromantic term. 

But how can you tell if you’re arospec or just not-that-into-them? Well, it goes a little deeper than simply not fancying someone. The romance experts at Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week say “many aromantic people mention having trouble relating to the experience of ‘falling in love,’ or of having romantic ‘crushes. Many may pursue non-traditional forms of intimate relationships, or choose not to have formal relationships at all.”

It’s also important to note that anyone can be aromantic; it doesn’t mean you are asexual or lack a desire to get physical. On the contrary, LGBTQIA+ Wiki says “aro-spec individuals can have any sexual orientation, including ace-spec or allosexual identities. One who is both asexual aromantic may identify as aroace, and one who is both allosexual aromantic may identify as alloaro.” Your sexual identity can exist on a totally different plane from your feelings toward romantic attraction and romantic relationships. If someone is aromantic, they may still be down for having casual hookups and forming sexual relationships, just don’t expect any staring-into-each-other’s-eyes afterward… 

Arospec umbrella identities

Aromanticism embodies a wide range of experiences and attitudes around romantic attraction, each with its own unique label and definition. 

A 2024 study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health exploring aromanticism, explains: “It is not as simple to dichotomize between experiencing or not experiencing romantic attraction, as many Aro-spec folks have broad perspectives toward romance (often ranging between repulsion, lack of interest and confusion) or experience romantic attraction under specific conditions.” But with so many different shades of the aromantic rainbow, it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what you think you, a friend, or a lover, may be.  

Struggling to differentiate your demiromantic from your grayromantic? Take a deep breath. We’re here to help break down all of the different identities that sit on the aromantic scale.

Aromantic

First things first, what do we mean by “aromantic?” Here’s a quick recap of what we’ve covered already. Essentially, this label refers to anyone who does not experience traditional romantic attraction. So, if all forms of romance perpetually give you “the ick,” you may just be aromantic. 

Aegoromantic

Next up, we have aegoromantic. People who identify as aegoromantic experience romantic attraction in a disconnected or dispassionate way. In other words, they like the idea of romance, but they don’t wish to participate in it themselves. They like to admire from afar if you will. 

This means that aegoromantic individuals may still enjoy a good Hallmark flick or reading a favorite Jane Austen novel, and they may even dabble in imagining romantic scenarios before bed. What they don’t do, however, is feel the need to be involved in a romantic relationship themselves. H3: Grayromantic

This one’s for those who are firmly in the gray area: grayromantic. This label includes, but isn’t limited to, people who feel low amounts of romantic attraction, occasionally feel romantic attraction, only feel romantic attraction under certain circumstances, or are not sure if they experience romantic attraction. 

Apothiromantic

Moving to the more intense end of the spectrum now, apothiromantic is the term used to describe someone who does not experience any romantic attraction whatsoever—in any shape or form—, and is romance repulsed. So if you find yourself dating someone with this mindset, we wouldn’t suggest making them a romantic mixtape… 

Aroflux

Not to be confused with someone who changes their mind often, aroflux is a romantic orientation where a person’s level of romantic attraction fluctuates between experiencing and not experiencing romantic attraction (hence the name “flux”).

So someone who identifies as aroflux may experience periods of feeling no romantic attraction at all (aromantic), some romantic attraction (grayromantic), or even full romantic attraction (alloromantic). Basically, bear with them. 

Autoromantic

Next we have autoromantic, which is a term used to describe someone who experiences romantic attraction toward themself. This means they may have romantic feelings, affection, or a desire for romantic activities directed towards themselves, as opposed to others. Self-love, to the highest degree. 

Bellusromantic

Wondering what bellusromantic is? This label is used to describe a person who has an interest in conventionally romantic things but still doesn’t desire a romantic relationship. They might appreciate that a romantic gesture is sweet, but it’s important to remember that they likely won’t feel a pull to give or receive any acts of love in real life. 

Cupioromantic

What about when someone does not experience romantic attraction but still desires a romantic relationship? This is called cupioromantic. It may be that these people seek the warm companionship and emotional aspects that come with a standard romantic relationship, just minus the heartfelt tokens of affection. 

Demiromantic

What about demiromantic, you ask? This refers to an individual who experiences romantic attraction only after forming a deep emotional bond with someone. This may sound very commonplace—granted, not many people experience love at first sight. But whilst other people may feel butterflies at the promise of a first date, demiromantics might not feel any romantic attraction whatsoever, until that strong bond is established. 

Desinoromantic

Desinoromantic is a label for someone who does not experience full-on romantic attraction but may experience “liking” someone. These feelings are not quite as strong as loving someone romantically: it goes no further than the “like” stage. So if you find yourself developing feelings for a desinoromantic, it’s best not to get your hopes up that it’ll be reciprocated. Romantics, we’re looking at you… 

Frayromantic

Next we have frayromantic. These individuals can indeed feel romantic attraction, but only toward people that they do not have a strong emotional bond with. They prefer a closed book. Unlike normative relationships, once a frayromantic gets to know the person better or forms an emotional bond with that person, the initial attraction fades. 

Lithromantic

Lithromantic is an orientation in which someone feels romantic attraction but does not want the attraction to be reciprocated. In fact, they may even lose their initial attraction to a person when it is reciprocated. So, if you think you may be dating a lithromantic, and you like them, it’s best to tread carefully… 

Quoiromantic

Not sure you can define your feelings towards romantic attraction? Quoiromantic is a term for the uncategorizable. The rogue ones, if you will. This label is used to refer to people who find it difficult differentiating between romantic and platonic feelings. They may be unable to tell the difference, are unsure about their feelings towards romance generally, or cannot relate the concept of romantic attraction to their personal identity. 

Recipromantic

This one is all about mutual feelings. Recipromantic people only experience romantic attraction when they know that the other person is romantically attracted to them—that is, when it is reciprocated. Their romantic feelings are basically conditional upon mutual attraction. Monkey see, monkey do. 

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week

For people on the aromantic spectrum, their experiences are often misunderstood which sadly can come with stereotyping and unwarranted opinions—even from people within the LGBTQ+ community. Some people assume that not experiencing romantic attraction means a lack of emotion or connection, which couldn’t be further from the truth. And a little reminder, you don't have to understand something to respect it.

Forbes says: “Challenging these misconceptions and advocating for greater recognition and respect for diverse relationship structures is a crucial step towards creating a safer and more inclusive world.”

One of the best ways to champion the aromantic spectrum—whether you identify with one of the orientations or you’re simply a good ally—is through celebration. And who doesn’t love a good excuse for a party, right?

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (or ASAW) is an annual, international event which aims to celebrate all of the aromantic spectrum experiences and identities. The ASAW usually falls on the first full week in February following Valentine’s Day—last year it took place from February 18 – 24 2024. 

Like most awareness weeks, the ASAW serves to raise awareness of the different identities under the aromantic spectrum, whilst celebrating the existence of those who already identify as such. LGBTQIA+ Wiki states that “it began as a way to unify those in the aromantic community who found it difficult to share their experiences with others.” Sharing is caring, after all. 

Arospec flag

LGBTQIA+ flags are incredibly useful tools for helping us to further understand different identities (aside from looking cute on a badge, obvs). Let’s take a look at the aromantic spectrum flag for a little more education. 

According to asexuals.net, the aromantic flag was created in 2014 by Cameron Whimsy, and the shades were chosen for very specific reasons: “The color green was chosen to symbolize the aromanticism as the opposite of red, the color which is the most commonly associated with romance.” We see what you did there, Whimsy. 

What about the different shades? They all symbolize different elements of arospec, too. LGBTQIA+ Wiki says: “Dark green [represents] aromanticism in all forms, light green [is] for diversity in attraction and experiences, light yellow [is] for the aromantic community and its history, teal [is] for pride in an aromantic identity, and dark teal [is] for recognition of aromanticism as its own separate identity from asexuality.” 

It’s important to remember that the aromantic community is broad, and all of the unique orientations within it highlight the truly diverse ways in which we can experience (or not experience) romantic attraction. By acknowledging and educating ourselves about these different identities, we can learn more about how we approach romance and, ultimately, take one step closer to a more inclusive society. 

Everyone experiences love and connection differently, and the aromantic spectrum is just one example of how those experiences can vary. Whether you're arospec yourself or just curious to learn more, understanding and respecting these identities is a step toward creating a world where everyone feels seen and understood.

If you’re ready to explore more and connect with others who share your values, join Feeld today. We’re proud to be making space for all kinds of love.