Let’s talk about the number three. For a long time, what we did behind closed doors with a partner (or two) was kept exactly that: hush-hush. Thankfully, times have changed—knowing someone who’s had a threesome is pretty common, and perhaps you’ve even had a few yourself. As society continues to widen its sexual horizons, people are becoming more and more open about their kinks and fetishes. So, it’s no surprise that couples are open to introducing a “third” to the bedroom to keep things spicy.
Just take a look at pop culture if you need any convincing that the world is currently obsessed with non-monogamy. Remember season two of HBO’s The White Lotus? As The New Yorker highlighted, Ethan and Harper’s rocky marriage was rekindled after entertaining the idea of their partner cheating with their fellow hotel guests: “the wounds of their marriage [healed] by a little something on the side.” And don’t get us started on Challengers. This whole film is basically about the thrill of chasing a ménage à trois (okay, and a little bit of tennis… ). But who’d blame them with all that grunting and panting?
If you’re curious about exploring the realm of consensual non-monogamy; from cuckolding to threeways, then this guide is for you. Because three might not be a crowd, after all…
What is a cuckold?
While you may already know what a threesome is, cuckolding is likely one of those words you’ve heard before but aren’t totally sure what it means. Or maybe it’s completely new to you. Either way, let's break it down.
Traditionally, "cuckold" referred to someone whose partner had been unfaithful—often used in old literature and history. Instead of it being a consensual or sexual thing, it just meant being cheated on. But over time, the meaning has shifted, and these days, it’s more often used to describe a specific kink or relationship dynamic.
In this context, cuckolding is when someone gets turned on by their partner having sex with somebody else. This means three people are involved, though not everyone in the trio is actively participating in the sex part.
The “cuckold” is the voyeur. The most common type of cuckolding is where the observing partner (the cuckold) is present in the room while they watch. However, Cosmopolitan points out that “they could also observe by being sent messages or photos of what is happening or being told about it afterwards.” The crucial part is that even though the cuckold isn’t having sex, they’re very much a guest at the party.
Where does cuckolding originate from?
Now time for a quick literature lesson. Interestingly, the word “cuckold” actually originates from Shakespearean times; but the meaning has shifted a lot since those days. Back then, a cuckold was defined as a man who had been unknowingly cheated on by his wife. As seen in the play, Othello:
Iago: “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy, It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss."
At the time, being a cuckold was one of the biggest embarrassments and scandals that could happen to a man. But don’t get too hung up on this concept; things have moved on since Shakespeare’s day. Healthline explains that the “modern-day cuckold—who’s not necessarily a cisgender or heterosexual male—is fully aware and heartily approves of their partner’s affairs.” In other words, they’re very much involved (from afar).
It’s also important to acknowledge that exploring this kind of fetish doesn’t strictly need to be between a hetero man and woman. As Psychology Today says, “cuckolding could involve any number of gender and sexual orientation combinations.” But ultimately, it's not about ”traditional” gender roles—it’s about the trust, desires, and dynamics that make each relationship unique, no matter who’s involved.
Why is cuckolding enjoyable?
Like any kink, there are many different reasons why somebody might be into cuckolding, and it can be influenced by psychological, emotional, and social factors.
On a basic level, cuckolding is all about voyeurism; essentially you’re getting off by your partner being turned on by someone else. Healthline says this is “closely tied to BDSM with overlaps like domination, submission, and humiliation—minus the gear and spanking à la Fifty Shades.”
Relationship coaches at Marriage.com say that it’s connected to power play: “The cuckold experiences compersion, deriving satisfaction from their partner’s pleasure while embracing a submissive role. This dynamic involves elements of power exchange and arousal.” But that doesn’t mean everyone who enjoys cuckolding identifies with submission—some may find excitement in the confidence and control that comes with it.
For others, it could be more about exploring fantasies of non-monogamy or taboo encounters. It’s a way to push boundaries and experience pleasure in a way that feels exciting, safe, and consensual.
What is a threesome?
Now for some more familiar territory. A threesome, also known as a threeway, is an enthusiastically sexual encounter between three consenting humans. This type of group sex can involve varying degrees of dating status. All three parties might be single, or sometimes a threeway involves one couple introducing a third person to their relationship.
There are many different ways a threesome might play out. These are often influenced by different gender identities, different sexualities, and role preferences—but not always! Some common shorthand terms describe certain groupings, include:
- MMM: A threesome between three male-identifying participants.
- MMF/MFM: Threesomes with two people who identify as male and one who identifies as a female, but the order matters! Some use MMF to imply a focus on male-male interactions, while MFM suggests both men are primarily engaging with the woman.
- FFF: A threesome where all humans involved identify as women.
- FFM/FMF: A threesome between two humans who identify as female, and one who identifies as male. Again, the order of these letters can signal different dynamics between participants.
Wanna know more? Check out our first-timer’s guide on how to have a threesome.
Key differences between cuckold and threesome
Whilst cuckolding and threeways have some similarities (most obviously, they both involve three people), there are some key differences that are important to know.
Role dynamics
In a threesome, all three people actively participate physically. In a cuckolding scenario, there are indeed three people, but they are not all getting physically involved. The cuckold participates by watching (or hearing about) the other two have sex. The cuckold takes a bit of a back seat.
Emotional element
Emotions can play out differently depending on the dynamic. In a threesome, the focus is often on physical pleasure and shared excitement, but that doesn’t mean emotions are off the table. Some people find deeper connection or intimacy in the experience. Cuckolding, on the other hand, tends to have a more distinct emotional layer. It’s not just about watching; for many, the thrill comes from the power dynamics, anticipation, or even feelings of devotion. While some enjoy elements of degradation or humiliation, others find excitement in compersion—pleasure from seeing a partner’s pleasure. Like any kink, cuckolding is about enjoyment and indulging in desires in a way that feels right for everyone involved.
Cuckolding doesn’t have to involve sex
Cuckolding isn’t necessarily always about sex in the literal sense. The kink could simply be about getting turned on by the thought of your partner cheating. They don’t actually have to do it. It could even be as simple as listening to your lover talk about their fantasies of sleeping with someone else.
It could be a good idea to explore different levels of cuckolding, like talking through your fantasies with each other, to help you decide together whether or not adding a third person to the equation is for you.
Can women be cuckolded?
Of course! While the term cuckold (referring to a heterosexual man) is more common, a hetero woman who is turned on by watching or hearing about her partner’s sexual interactions with other women is called a “cuckquean.”
According to the fetish experts at Kinkly, the cuckquean’s pleasure is “often derived from the illusion that the partner (traditionally, the husband) is having an affair; however, the cuckquean is complicit in said affair.”
Is being a cuckquean common?
Keeping in mind the ever-changing landscape of both sexual and gender identities, it’s not that simple pinning down exact figures. Whilst the term “cuckold” is used more often than “cuckquean,” this doesn’t necessarily mean that more male-identifying individuals are cuckolding than their female counterparts. Healthline says: “A lot of the info assumes only cishet men want to be cucked, but those desires aren’t specific to gender or sexuality.”
As we, as a society, continue to be more and more adventurous within the realms of exploration, we can reasonably expect that being both a cuckold and cuckquean is more commonplace than it used to be.
Understanding cuckold agreements
If you’re considering entering a cuckolding situation, it’s a good idea to begin with a cuckold agreement to make sure everyone is on the same page. It’s a contract of sorts. You can decide how formal or informal this is. By all means, go ahead and ask for signatures and have the final thing laminated, or, simply sit down for a chat with your fellow partners.
Marriage.com advises: “Together, talk about your concerns, fears, and the things that can set off your envy. To ensure that the individual’s emotional well-being is maintained during the process, clear boundaries should be established, along with standards for communication, check-ins, and aftercare.”
They go on to say that ongoing consent discussions are key, adding, “Engage in ongoing negotiation and consent discussions with all parties involved. Establish guidelines for sexual encounters, communication protocols, and expectations for everyone’s roles and boundaries.”
Remember, feelings can frequently change. Make sure there’s mutual consent at all times by setting boundaries and regular check-ins with each other. Healthline says: “Even if you’re completely on board at the start, feelings can change at any time. One person may decide they want to stop, the cuck may begin to experience more jealousy than they bargained for, or one or both of the people hooking up could become too attached.”
Having safe, consensual fun in a trio doesn’t have to be daunting. Like any fetish, it’s good to remember that the most important thing when engaging in a threesome or cuckolding is having constant open communication. Be clear with what your fantasies are from the start, set clear boundaries together, and ensure there’s ongoing consent between all participants. If you want to learn more, check out our other guides on ethical non-monogamy, kink dynamics, and open relationships. Or, if you’re ready to meet like-minded people, download Feeld and start exploring new experiences in a way that works for you.
