We know that human sexuality is a spectrum. The idea that homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality are the only orientations is outdated; our understanding has advanced in leaps and bounds since conversations and studies focused more on the topic of sexuality and sexual fluidity.
There are also different kinds of attractions. Someone might experience sexual attraction to several genders, for example, but only feel romantic attraction to the same gender as themselves. That’s because sexual and romantic attraction don’t necessarily have to align completely. Some people might feel that their romantic orientation can change, and there’s a word for that: abroromanticism.
Abroromantic or abromantic, as it’s sometimes spelled, means that the gender someone is romantically attracted to changes, and they experience stages of preferring a certain gender over others. It’s not necessarily related to sexual preferences—abrosexual is the term used to describe fluctuating sexual attraction to different genders.
What does abroromantic mean?
Being abroromantic means that you have romantic feelings towards different genders, at different times. Unlike bisexual people, who feel attraction to the same and the opposite gender at the same time, the abroromantic definition stipulates that someone’s preferences can change over time. They may go through periods of only being attracted to one gender romantically, but this isn’t a fixed state.
Definitions of abroromantic can also be found under the alternative spelling abromantic, or aromatic (although the latter may be a typo!). The ‘abro’ prefix comes from ancient Greek, and means “delicate” or “graceful.”
Abroromantic vs abrosexual
As we’ve mentioned, an abroromantic or abromantic orientation isn’t the same as being abrosexual. The basic premise of someone’s attraction being in a state of flux is the same; abrosexual people experience a similar shift in the gender(s) they’re sexually attracted to. But being abrosexual is purely about sexual attraction as opposed to romantic attraction. Someone could be abrosexual and abroromantic at the same time, but it’s not a given.
Can I be abromantic and abroflux?
Abroflux describes people who fluctuate between being aromantic and alloromantic. They might find that, when they are experiencing romantic attraction, the gender they prefer changes. Abroromantic means fluctuations in the gender you have a romantic attraction to, so if you experience this as well as periods without any romantic feelings, you may be abroromantic and abroflux.
Abroflux is related to the aromantic spectrum, in that it means your romantic attraction can fade in and out. Aromantic people tend to have little to no romantic feelings, and may not be interested in having relationships that conform to traditional expectations. Abroflux people might find that they go through periods of not having any romantic feelings or desires, but that this is not a permanent state for them.
How do I know if I’m abroromantic?
People who identify as abroromantic experience romantic attraction that fluctuates between genders and varies in strength. Instead of having a fixed preference for one or more gender, they may go through periods where they’re romantically attracted to one gender more than another. This feeling fades and changes frequently, as does the gender they feel most romantically attracted to.
Nobody but you can decide whether you’re abroromantic, but if you identify with the definition of abroromantic and feel like it accurately describes your experiences, then you may decide to use it to describe your romantic orientation.
Common misconceptions about abroromanticism
Because of the fluidity of human sexuality in a more general sense, there can be misconceptions about abroromantic people in the LGBTQ+ community, or even confusion in the abroromantic and abrosexual community itself.
Looking on the Abrosexual subreddit gives a bit of an insight into this. Some of the common questions and concerns include worries about fitting into the LGBTQ+ community; struggling with internalized prejudice like “I’m confused” and “this is just a phase”; wondering if someone stops being abroromantic if their desires remain fixed for a long period, or not understanding the difference between abroromanticism and bi/pansexuality.
Is being abroromantic “a phase”?
“It’s just a phase,” and similar phrases, have long been used to trivialize LGBTQ+ identities and orientations. It suggests that a person will grow out of their orientation, and that it’s not a serious identity. This is simply prejudice. Multiple studies have found evidence of sexual fluidity, showing that it’s a normal part of the human experience. Experiences of fluctuating romantic attraction will differ from person to person, but no one identity or experience is superior to another, and certainly shouldn’t be dismissed as a phase. If abroromanticism best describes how someone experiences their romantic orientation, that’s completely valid.
Can someone stop being abroromantic?
As for whether someone can stop being abroromantic, a long period of feeling a fixed orientation doesn’t automatically mean a person’s identity has changed. Most respondents to that question said that they’d experienced several years of having a fixed orientation, only for it to change, so they still identified as abroromantic. The romantic orientations people can feel span the whole spectrum. As one person was quoted in a Gay Times piece: “I am abrosexual so one day I could be pansexual and the next I could be demisexual or straight or anything else.” This explains why it’s not the same as being bi or pansexual. An abroromantic person’s orientation can fluctuate between sexualities, and at some points they won’t feel attraction to certain genders at all. Bi and pan people, on the other hand, can experience some fluidity and feel a preference to one gender over others, but their overall identity doesn’t shift in the way an abroromantic person’s does.
Is the LGBTQ+ community welcoming to abroromantics?
Worries about fitting into the LGBTQ+ community when your sexuality includes attraction to the opposite sex are sadly not uncommon. Biphobia can happen in the LGBTQ+ community as well as coming from straight people, so it’s not a surprise that some abroromantic people have these concerns. Researchers found bisexual people can find themselves rejected by some lesbians and gay people, or they can be deemed “untrustworthy” or “confused” by some partners. Being abroromantic, where your feelings go through stages and are in flux, could be met with similar misconceptions.
It’s important to remember that there are many welcoming and diverse LGBTQ+ spaces out there, and that abroromanticism, like any sexual or romantic orientation, is real and worthy of respect. Just as shifts in someone’s orientation doesn’t make it a “phase,” nor does it make it any less of an identity.
The abroromantic flag: Meaning and symbolism
The abroromantic flag is a horizontal-striped flag of dark green, light green, white, light pink and magenta, with a heart shape over the stripes in slightly darker shades. It is similar to the abrosexual flag, which features the same colored stripes but no heart shape. Most online sources point to a Tumblr user as the originator of the flag, and it’s not known why those particular colors were used.
How to support someone who identifies as abroromantic
If someone you know is abroromantic, the best way to support them is to affirm their identity and accept that this is the best way for them to describe themselves. It’s important to affirm someone’s identity by mirroring the language they use to describe themselves.
Some abroromantic people described on Reddit and other forums about how they struggled to explain their orientation to partners and potential partners. One user on the asexuality.org forum suggested a food-based analogy to make it easier to explain it to people who aren’t familiar with it as an orientation. “You might feel like you could go for, let's say cake, at the moment, so it's possible that if you went to the store and saw a cake you really liked, you'd buy it,” they wrote. “But it's also possible that a few minutes before you arrive at the store, you feel your ability to desire any cake just vanish completely and when you go into the store, you can't find a single one appealing and couldn't even imagine getting any of them.”
While that is obviously an oversimplification, other users agreed it was a useful way to describe the fluctuating feelings they experience.
Our understanding of human sexuality, and the language we use around it, is always evolving. If you hear about a term you’re not sure of, just look it up—the chances are there are resources out there, and it’s important that we all continue to learn and research LGBTQ+ experiences.
Hopefully, abroromanticism is less of a mystery after reading this article. As we’ve covered, it’s about romantic, not sexual, attraction, and how someone can feel romantically attracted to different genders at different points in their life. This can change rapidly, or some people might experience a fixed attraction for years at a time. It’s different to bisexuality or pansexuality as someone might not always feel attraction to more than one gender.
The most important thing is to respect and affirm the way someone identifies. Learning more about different experiences of sexuality can help. Feeld’s magazine is a trove of expert guides and personal stories for your reading pleasure.
