The physical and/or emotional care that happens after sexual activity.

A person who does not identify themselves as having a gender, or who may identify themselves as gender-neutral. Alternative terms include genderfree, ungendered, or genderblank.

Androgynosexual humans feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to humans with both masculine and feminine features.

Androgyny is a gender expression characterised by a combination of both masculine and feminine characteristics.

Androsexual humans are primarily sexually, romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to masculinity (though not necessarily to men). The term is usually used by genderqueer rather than by heterosexual or gay humans.

Aromantic humans do not experience traditional romantic attraction, although they may still experience sexual attraction.

Asexual humans do not experience sexual attraction in a traditional sense. Unlike celibacy, which is a lifestyle choice, asexuality is an intrinsic part of a human's sexual identity. However there is much diversity among asexual humans in how they experience relationships, attraction and arousal; it’s common for asexual humans to still seek romantic and emotional connections.

Autosexual is a human who is sexually attracted to and aroused by their own body. But masturbation does not automatically make a human autosexual (just as having sex doesn’t make a human sexual).

A term that includes a wide range of erotic practices generally relating to control and/or pain. Activities can be broken down into categories of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism.

Bi-curious humans are interested in exploring whether or not they are attracted to humans of the same gender, as well as humans of another gender.

Bigender humans have two distinct gender identities - for example they could identify as both male and female, or as two other gender identities. They may identify as both simultaneously, or move between the two.

Sometimes shortened to ‘bi’, bisexual humans feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to humans of both the same gender, and of another gender. People may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.

The practice of being physically and consensually restrained for sexual satisfaction; think being tied up, handcuffs, and more.

An insolent sub who misbehaves, argues, and challenges their dom.

A physical (and/or emotional) relationship without the commitments and expectations of a more formal, traditionally monogamous relationship.

Someone whose gender identity aligns with the one they were assigned at birth.

Two humans involved in a relationship that includes some form of commitment, and with the expectation of accommodating the boundaries of this commitment when playing with others.

Meeting for sex or other types of intimacy in a public place—sometimes outdoors, or in venues like a bar or club—usually for one-off, anonymous connections.

A cuckold is a person—traditionally a man—who finds pleasure in their partner being intimate with someone else. This can take many forms: watching in person, hearing the details afterwards, or imagining it. Sometimes, the play includes themes of power, vulnerability, or erotic humiliation, though each person’s experience is unique.

A cuckquean is a person—traditionally a woman—who finds pleasure in their partner being intimate with another human. The turn-on might be rooted in elements of jealousy, desire, voyeurism, or power dynamics, and—for many—it can be explored as a space of intensity, curiosity, or even empowerment.


Meeting another human (or multiple humans) for an activity out of the bedroom, that may or may not lead to activity within the bedroom.

Someone who you spend time with romantically or prospectively. Often, this person is someone you’re just getting to know romantically, sexually, or both.

Demiromantic humans need to establish a strong emotional or sexual connection with a partner before they feel a romantic connection to them.

Similar to the concept of demiromantic, above, demisexuals are humans who do not experience sexual attraction to another person unless they have formed a strong emotional connection.

Any person who takes the dominant role in a BDSM dynamic. The dom takes total (or partial) power over the person in the submissive role.

A BDSM term for a human within a power dynamic who takes total, or partial, control over the human in the commands, while the submissive is the one who obeys. The dominant within the power dynamic takes total (or partial) power over the human in the submissive role.

A femme version of the person who takes the dominant role in a BDSM dynamic. The domme takes total (or partial) power over the person in the submissive role.

Getting as close to orgasm as possible, then stopping. This is repeated until the person can no longer stand it, and finally—release. Can be practiced alone or with a partner.

A person who you have promised to wed, either culturally, legally or both. 

A threesome where all humans involved identify as women.

A threesome between two humans who identify as female, and one who identifies as male.

For fictosexual people, fictional characters—whether from anime, games, or novels—evoke desires deeper than any experienced with real-life people.

A catch-all term for all the intimate and sexy activities that aren’t the act of penetrative sex itself.

Synonyms: euphoria, Kesha, bliss, free n*pples, tits out.

The power to act, speak, or think as the baddie one is. To find Freedomme means to experience a moment of ecstatic liberation, where you remember you are your own top. Domme of your domain. There is nothing you can’t speak into existence, and there is no restriction to your expression of gender, sexuality, or anything else.

A person with whom you share mutual affection. This affection usually manifests itself outside sexual or romantic expression, but not always.

An emotional connection between two people that isn’t defined by a sexual element.

A person with whom you share mutual affection and casual sexual interactions.

Friends With Benefits. A casual relationship between two humans based on mutual respect, but without the expectation of commitment.

A colloquial term used to describe humans who feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to people of the same gender. For women, ‘lesbian’ would also apply and could be the preferred term.

Genderfluid humans move between different gender identities at different times. They may move between one gender at a time, or identify as several different ones.

Gender-nonconforming refers to humans whose gender expression does not match their socially prescribed gender identity. In other words, they are humans whose behavioural, cultural, or psychological presentation does not correspond with the traits typically associated with their gender.

A person who does not follow binary gender norms; a term similar to non-binary, but considered by some to be a more politically-charged identity, by ‘queering’ ideas of gender.

A human engaged in the process of figuring out how best to describe their gender identity.

A term popularised by Dan Savage to define the qualities of an excellent sexual partner: good (in bed), giving (of time and pleasure), and game (for exploring and being open-minded).

GrayA (or Greysexual) refers to humans who very rarely experience sexual attraction.

Sex between three or more consenting humans.

Gynesexual humans are primarily sexually, romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to femininity (though not necessarily to women).

Heteroflexible humans are primarily sexually and/or romantically attracted to genders other than their own, but are also open to having sexual and/or romantic interactions with humans of the same gender. The term often refers to humans who are predominantly heterosexual, but are sometimes sexually attracted to (or curious about exploring with) members of the same sex.

Heterosexual humans feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction to a person of the opposite (binary) gender, i.e. women attracted to men, or men to women.

As with heteroflexible, homoflexible humans are primary attracted to humans of their own gender, but open to having sexual and/or romantic interactions with humans of a gender other than their own.

Intersex people are born with any variation in sex characteristics including anatomy, reproductive organs and/or chromosomes patterns that do not fit the typical definition of male or female. An intersex person may have any gender identity or sexual orientation.

A wide-ranging term for any unconventional sexual preference or behaviour.

Lesbian refers to women who feel sexual, romantic and/or emotional attraction towards women. Some non-binary humans may also identify with this term.

A person who you have or have had a sexual relationship with. Romance is not necessarily a factor.

A person you have wed, either culturally, legally, or both.

Your partner’s partner. You both have romantic or sexual relationships with the same person, though not with each other.

A threesome where two participants identify as male, and one as female.

A threesome between three male-identifying participants.

Two or more people who cohabit. You may share financial responsibilities, a bed, have sex, or raise children, though none of these are inherent to your nesting partnership. 

A non-binary person has a gender identity which cannot be defined within the traditional binary of male or female. It’s a broad term which encompasses many ways to identify.

Object sexuality or objectophilia is a form of sexual and/or romantic attraction focussing on specific inanimate objects.

Omnisexuality is characterised by sexual desire and/or attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.

Pangender or omnigender people identify with a multiplicity of genders, either at the same time or fluctuating between them, similarly to gender-fluid.

A human who feels attraction to other humans regardless of gender identity.

An individual with whom you’re in a relationship.

In the world of polyamory, a play partner is someone with whom you engage in non-monogamous, recreational, and often casual sexual and/or romantic activities. 

Polyamory - sometimes known as Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) or Consensual Non Monogamy (CSM) - constitutes having consensual relationships that involve multiple partners. Polyamorous humans communicate openly with their partners about having – or having the desire to have – relationships with others. Relationships often have an emotional element, as well as a sexual one.

Polysexuals are humans who are romantically or sexually attracted to some, but not all, genders.

Within a non-monogamous framework, a partner who takes priority over your other relationships. This person may be someone you’re married to, live with, or have children with.

Queer is term used by humans who reject specific labels of sexual and romantic orientation, and/or gender identity. Originally a slur, it has been reclaimed as a term of expression which encompasses a wide range of identities and behaviours. It’s a term which is often politically-charged and indicates a rejection of traditional norms (eg. as in ‘genderqueer’, above).

Someone with whom you are in a committed, intimate relationship that is not romantic in nature. 

A relationship style rooted in politically anarchic principles, the foremost being: all relationships should be built around values expressly agreed upon by the involved parties.
Relationship Anarchy abolishes prioritizing one primary relationship and celebrates placing equal value on romantic, sexual, platonic and familial relationships concurrently.

Assuming a character or scene for the specific purpose of sexual excitement. (This is no community theater.)

A type of sexual play that veers towards a wilder nature. Think less gentle caresses, and more slaps, grips, and bites.

Someone who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

A secondary partner is someone with whom you have a sexual or romantic relationship with beyond your primary partner.

Being particularly into receiving or giving pleasure that involves the senses, such as light touch and taste.

A human not committed to a specific partner.

Skoliosexual humans are primarily sexually, romantically and/or aesthetically attracted to genderqueer, transgender and/or non-binary humans.
Note that this label is considered controversial: while some genderqueer and non-binary humans use it to find peers, some people see it as fetishising and othering. Because of this, we kindly ask our cisgender members to refrain from using this sexuality label.

The counterpoint to the dom/domme, submissives receive sexual pleasure and gratification from the relinquishing of power and control to another.

The counterpoint to dom / dominant, submissives receive sexual pleasure and gratification from the relinquishing of power and control to another in the bedroom.

Someone who can be both a dom and a sub. Proving that you can, in fact, have it all.

Messaging another human in ways that can be both conversational and/or sensual.

An enthusiastically consensual sexual encounter between three humans.

Paraphernalia of any sort that heightens pleasure, alone or with others. (Dildos, strap-ons, cock rings. A feather also works.) 

People who were assigned male at birth, but who identify more with femininity than masculinity. Transfeminine people often prefer to present femininely or to transition to feminine gender expression, but do not always identify as female.

Trans men (or FtM/MtM) are people assigned female at birth (or born with intersex characteristics) but who identify as male. Trans men can have any sexual orientation.

The counterpoint to Transfeminine, this term refers to people who were assigned female at birth, but who identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity. While transmasculine people usually prefer a more masculine gender expression, they do not necessarily always identify as male.

Transgender women are people assigned male at birth (or born with certain intersex characteristics) but who identify as female. Trans women can have any sexual orientation.

Two Spirit is a culturally distinct gender that encompasses possessing aspects of both a feminine and masculine spirit. It refers to the one of many mixed gender roles traditionally found among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. People who are not Native American should refrain from calling themselves Two-Spirit.

Those who love the classically pleasurable.

Being a voyeuristic participant of the intimate activities of other humans, without engaging physically with them (though you might engage with your own pleasure.)

Primary Partner

ENM relationship types and how to choose the right one for you

How I practice relationship anarchy

From couple to throuple and beyond: Navigating polyamory and ENM