Curious about what flagging is? You're in the right place. Often tied to the handkerchief (or hanky) code, flagging is a long-standing tradition in LGBTQ+ communities. It's a way to non-verbally communicate who you are, what you're into, and what you're looking for, using colored bandanas and other symbols. The code was first used in the 1970s by gay and bisexual men, giving them a way to signal to and find one another in spaces where being out and talking openly about sexuality was frowned upon by many and, frankly, quite dangerous.
Much of this visibility can be traced back to The Leatherman’s Handbook by Larry Townsend, a 1972 book that offered one of the earliest guides to gay leather culture and BDSM, complete with a detailed explanation of the hanky code. Townsend’s book helped create a shared language for those in the community, and over time, the hanky code became a widely recognized way to signal specific preferences, kinks, and roles to others.
While it started as a secret code that gave details about your sexuality, sexual activities, and/or fetishes without being obvious to others who did not partake, flagging has grown and evolved over the years, becoming a fun and meaningful way to express yourself. These days, though, people use all kinds of signals—from carabiners to nail polish colors—to give a cheeky nod to others who might be into the same things. It's all about visibility, connection, and creating a sense of belonging.
It's worth mentioning that although it is common in the LGBTQ+ community, not all flaggers are queer. And not all queer people engage in signaling. But if you haven't tried flagging yet and want to, where do you even start? Read on to learn about the handkerchief code, some of the most common forms of flagging, and secret ways to signal that you're bi, gay, poly, a top, or bottom, or even into piss play.
Bandana code, colors and their meanings
The bandana code, also known as the handkerchief code, is a way for queer folks to signal their desires and preferences using colorful bandanas. It's just one of the many ways we express ourselves in the world of flagging. Each color represents something different—from different sexualities, dynamics, or kinks. For example: Black is for S&M. Red is for fisting. Light blue is for oral sex, dark blue for anal.
Blue bandanas
Blue bandanas are a staple in the hanky code, but the exact shade gives you a clearer idea of what someone's into. A dark blue bandana signals an interest in anal sex, while a light blue bandana indicates a preference for oral sex. Though both colors fall under the "blue" category, they represent very different desires.
Yellow bandanas
If you see someone with a yellow bandana, it most often means they’re into watersports or piss play. This color has long been associated with this specific kink, which has the proper name urolagnia or urophilia—a paraphilia that involves finding arousal in the sight, feel, or thought of urine. The term comes from the Greek words ouron (urine) and lagneia (lust). Some call it a “golden shower,” while others prefer the more general term “watersports.”
Whether it’s about being the one who “goes” or the one who gets “gone on,” a yellow bandana signals an openness to this kind of play. This could include a range of activities: from urinating on or being urinated on, to other variations like arousal from watching wetting or the scent of urine on the body or clothes. A 2007 study even found that interests like urolagnia were noted in body-fluid-focused fetish communities online, suggesting that certain sensory associations around urine can play a part in the appeal.
As with all hanky code signals, where you wear the bandana adds context: left pocket signals a preference for giving, while right pocket leans toward receiving. But more on that later.
Red bandanas
Red bandanas are one of the more well-known symbols in the hanky code, representing an interest in fisting. It's a bold color for a bold activity, letting others know exactly what you're into without saying a word. Fisting is when a person puts their entire hand up another's ass or vagina. And again, the position of the bandana signals whether you prefer to do the fisting or be fisted.
Purple bandanas
The purple bandana in the hanky code is linked to piercing. Whether you have a thing for piercings or enjoy activities involving them, this bandana is your go-to signal. It can range from the allure of traditional piercings like earrings and nose rings to the adrenaline rush of temporary piercings during intercourse or roleplay. This kink isn’t just about looks; it’s all about the sensation and connection between pain and pleasure.
Orange bandanas
An orange bandana sends a pretty open message: anything goes. It's for the adventurous folks who are down for a bit of everything. This color doesn't tie you to any particular kink or activity but signals a willingness to explore and try new things. Whether you're looking for something mild or wild, orange is the color for those open to various experiences.
Gray bandanas
If bondage is your thing, the gray bandana is how you'd show it. Gray is all about restraint and control, whether you're the one in control or prefer being restrained. This color has become a classic symbol for bondage play within the hanky code, making it easier to find others who share a love for power dynamics and all things tied up (literally and figuratively).
Black bandanas
A black bandana signals an interest in S&M (sadomasochism) and is all about exploring the dynamics of power exchange, dominance, submission, and consensual pain. This color has become iconic in the hanky code, representing a range of activities and experiences tied to sadomasochistic play. People who wear black bandanas are often interested in exploring limits—whether physical, emotional, or psychological—and pushing boundaries in a controlled, consensual way.
S&M, or BDSM more broadly, isn’t only about pain; it also encompasses the ritual of dominance and submission, where each partner’s role is clearly defined. For some, it’s about the rush of taking control, while for others, it’s about the release found in giving it up. A black bandana might signal an interest in various forms of impact play (like spanking or flogging), restraint, or roleplay scenarios that highlight control and surrender.
And once again, the pocket you pick says plenty about the power dynamic: left side if you’re looking to lead, right side if you’re down to be led. Just enough info for the curious to make the right kind of connection.
Understanding bandana placement
Where you wear your bandana is just as important as the color you choose. In the hanky code, placement helps give more context to what you're looking for. Generally, wearing your bandana on the left side signals that you're into topping or giving—basically, taking the lead in whatever activity the color represents. On the flip side (literally), wearing it on the right side means you're into bottoming or receiving. This placement lets people know if you're more passive or active in the dynamic.
There's also the back pocket placement, which works similarly to the left and right side signaling. A bandana in your left back pocket indicates a top or dominant role, while wearing it in your right back pocket shows that you're a bottom or submissive.
Key codes
Keys are another popular way to signal your identity and preferences, particularly within the gay and bisexual communities. If you see someone wearing keys clipped to their belt or in their back pocket, it could be part of the same non-verbal code. (Though not always, sometimes folks are just carrying their keys!)
The left side usually means you're more dominant or a "top," while the right side suggests you're more submissive or a "bottom." This placement helps people communicate their role or preference without saying a word.
For lesbians, bisexual women, and non-binary people, carabiners have become a popular and low-key way to signal community membership. Clipping a carabiner to your belt or bag can indicate you're part of the queer community, and, like the key code, side placement matters—left for more dominant or top, right for more submissive or bottom.
Femme flagging
What if you’re a femme lesbian looking to signal to other WLW (women-loving women)? Femme flagging is a vital way to express your identity through nail colors and shapes. For femmes, who are often assumed to be straight based on their appearance, using distinct nail colors allows for subtle communication of their identities and interests without needing a big announcement.
Femme flagging, or finger-flagging, typically involves painting one or two nails a different color than the rest. Similar to the hanky code, specific colors can symbolize various interests—like black for BDSM or light blue for oral sex. Interpretations can vary among communities, but the act of flagging itself is what truly matters.
The asexual ring
Curious about flagging within the asexual community? Let's dive into the "Ace Ring," a powerful symbol of identity and pride for those on the asexual spectrum. This simple black ring, typically worn on the middle finger of the right hand, offers a discreet way to connect with others who share similar experiences.
The Ace Ring isn't just about style; it represents a vital part of the asexual experience, reminding wearers that they're not alone. Originally discussed on the AVEN (Asexual Visibility & Education Network) message boards back in 2005, the idea has since become a significant part of asexual culture. Wearing the Ace Ring can help foster visibility and create spaces where individuals feel recognized and validated—without the need for verbal explanation.
Made from materials like tungsten carbide or hematite, the Ace Ring is a simple yet meaningful way to signal your identity. Whether you're proudly showcasing it or using it to connect with others in the Ace+ community, this ring serves as a reminder of belonging.
Over the years, social media has created a space where these symbols can be celebrated and understood by a wider audience, removing the need to read subtle signals in real life and allowing for more open conversations about sexuality and identity. From colorful bandanas and handy carabiners to stylish nails and meaningful rings, flagging remains a powerful way for LGBTQ+ folks to express who they are and what they're into.
But just because someone is flagging doesn't mean they owe you anything. A shared interest doesn't guarantee a connection or entitle you to approach someone. Everyone has their own boundaries, which should be respected at all times.
If you're inspired to flag and express yourself, go for it! It could spark a meaningful connection. And if you want to chat and connect with others without needing to read signals, download the Feeld app and join a welcoming space to explore your interests and meet like-minded folks.
