Relationship for fall? Groundbreaking. The temperature’s cooling down, and our desire for connection is heating up… at least, that’s the theory.
The well-trodden winds of cuffing season are upon us, and our weather forecast says “stormy.” But isn’t it time we got over the idea of seeking intimacy just for winter survival?
We spoke to Feeld members about why connection shouldn’t be seasonal, resisting the pressure to participate in arbitrary trends, and how we can redefine the cuffing conveyor belt on our own terms.
Settle the debate: when does cuffing season actually take place?
“Mid-October to February.”—Jayna, 49, straight-ish female.
“Ber months.”—Joe, 39, pansexual male.
“Something always ends and something new always begins in September."—Lena, 29, queer female.
“Late summer in prep for autumn/winter.”—Cleo, 28, bi-curious female.
“Halloween to Valentine's Day.”—J, 43, straight female.
“When my hands start to get cold.”—Joe, 54, heterosexual cis male.
“When the leaves start to fall.”—Augustus, 33, bi male.
“When you have to wear sweaters more than 3x a week leaving your house.”—Molloy, 32, straight male.
What does cuffing season mean to you? What are our secret motivations?
“Cuffing season creates a ‘needy’ feeling in me. I am more in need of human contact and connection. Especially romantic and sexual connections.”—Vic, 41, pansexual female.
“We want to have someone to be with when our friends and family also have someone to be with. We want to have someone at home when everyone else is staying at home.”—Anon, 30, straight male.
“To find someone to weather the worst of winter with; a distraction from the quiet of the year.”—Chris, 34, heterosexual male.
“I think our biggest secret motivations are to not feel alone during the most social/companion-driven season of the year. A lot of holidays and parties take place during what we call cuffing season. The colder weather doesn't help, so we counteract the downward drag of loneliness by attempting to find another warm body to celebrate and snuggle with during this time.”—J, 43, straight female.
Do you feel pressure to conform to/participate in cuffing season? If so, how do you resist it?
“Yes, always, but just never find the right person.”—Tiarna, 21, pansexual female.
“Cuddling with friends instead.”—L, 21, queer, genderqueer.
“Finding comfortability in the unknown.”—Lena, 29, queer female.
“No pressure, just an innate biological drive to cuddle up on the sofa with a cutie and eat soup.”—Aimee, 29, bisexual.
“No pressure, I look forward to it!”—Anon, 29, pansexual female.
“It's seasonal and I lean in.”—Jonah, 42, queer, non-binary.
“No, not at all, I just keep busy socializing with friends.”—Astrid, 43, bisexual female.
“Not really, it’s more of a choice.”—Valeria, 31, straight woman.
“No, I do what feels right.”—Jasmine, 32, bisexual female.
Alternatively, do you enthusiastically choose to participate in cuffing season? Why?
“I do, as it’s a great time to actually bond and it’s the perfect excuse to get people together.”—Fly.
“I go with the flow, but it is more of what I’m looking for at this time of year. It’s still casual for me. I don't want a relationship out of it, just more consistency.”—Cleo, 28, bi-curious female.
“I like the idea of having regular interactions without the energy and effort of going out to meet people. That seems easy in the summer, but daunting in the winter.”—Lindsay, 36, straight female.
How, if at all, should we redefine cuffing season?
“I think this time of year can be redefined by cuffing ourselves—by enthusiastically choosing to get to know and/or healing and developing ourselves. Maybe by the time we thaw out for spring, we'll truly be ready for new beginnings and ultimate partnerships.”—J, 43, straight female.
“Roleplaying monogamy season.”—Aimee, 29, bisexual.
“An honest acknowledgment of what is being sought after. If people are honest about their intentions, it's not a problem.”—Angel, 31, bisexual woman.
Do you feel a stronger desire for connection in the autumn? How does that manifest?
“I do, there’s something electric about meeting someone in the fall when the colors are vibrant and the weather pushes the group together.”—Augustus, 33, bi male.
“The energy itself just bounces off people which automatically brings people together.”—Fly.
“I think the cozy pace of life, the holiday parties, the fatigue all drive a desire to cuff and be cuffed.”—Theresa, 31, asexual, queer, bisexual, agender.
“The shorter days make me want deeper conversations, longer dinners, and someone to share the cozy moments with.”—Mike, 46, heteroflexible male.
“No, I connect with those already in my life. I love myself and those closest to me a little harder during this time of year.”—J, 43, straight female.
What’s your advice for surviving cuffing season?
“Survive cuffing season by focusing on connection, not pressure—whether that’s with friends, family, a partner, or yourself, choose warmth that feels genuine instead of rushing into something just because it’s the season.”—Tajitha, 26, bisexual male.
“Don’t suffer through bad company out of fear of loneliness.”—K, 24, bisexual female.
“I see the autumn as a part of a breath take, and autumn is where you breathe out. I keep telling myself that there will come another inhale (summer).”—Simon, 40, pan male.
“Be open and honest with your intentions. If you only intend to connect short term, don't lead anyone to believe that you're looking for something long term.”—Dena, 38, bi-curious female.
“Go for it! Embrace it! Enjoy it! But make sure to be open and honest at all costs.”—Vic, 41, pansexual female.
“Have at least 3 really good soup recipes.”—Aimee, 29, bisexual.
Curious about exploring—or rejecting—cuffing season in your own way? Non-seasonal connections are waiting for you on Feeld.
