Straight to a point: exploring the gray areas of male sexual identity

September 23rd, 2025

Join us as we journey into Uncharted Territory—Feeld’s data blog dedicated to celebrating the curiosities, evolutions, and experiences of our members.

“Straight” in name only

Imagine this: a stocky and muscular person with a full beard, receiving a like on a dating app from a guy who claims to be “straight.” If it had happened to me once, I’d consider it an anomaly. But as a trans man with a masculine vibe and presentation, cis men who insist they’re “straight” regularly like my profile. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

My usual preemptive tactic is disliking straight men who show up in my feed before they even get a chance to send me a like or message. I’ve had enough experiences over the years for me to know that these interactions are not what I’m looking for; we are coming from two different cultures.

Although, admittedly, I will still read the occasional profile, mostly to satisfy my curiosity about what motivates these men. The only thing that ever stands out is the too familiar feeling that I’m seen as just another experience to add to someone’s list. This is a feeling trans people (and any minority, really), are well acquainted with.

Straight men sending me likes isn’t Feeld-specific, either. This is a behavior I’ve experienced regardless of platform, digital or IRL, and even includes the apps specifically made for gay men, where I’ve seen plenty of “dl” (aka “down low”) “straight” married men go to find interactions that they almost definitely aren’t telling their partners about.

As contradictory as these interactions and labels might seem, I am not surprised. The human mind never ceases to amaze me with its ability to hold internal contradictions.

So what does “straight” mean to these men, given this behavior? Is this type of interaction happening to me because I’m trans, or is it broader than that? Why might someone choose “straight” as a label despite behaviors that indicate the contrary? Can Feeld’s data shine any light on this phenomenon?

The numbers don’t lie

The second largest volume of connections straight cis men initiate on Feeld are with other men. While it might not rival the volume of connections that women receive from straight cis men (92% of straight cis male connections), over 6% of the connections straight cis men initiate are with other men, and more generally 8% are with non-women. (Unless stated explicitly, the terms “woman” and “man” here are trans-inclusive). Of these man-to-man connections, 48% of them are straight cis men connecting with other straight cis men. This is followed by heteroflexible (18%), bisexual (15%), and bi-curious (6%), for a total of 87%.

Making connections not just to find a third

Given that this is Feeld, the first question that came to mind about straight cis men connecting with other men on the platform was “are these accounts actually paired partners or Constellation accounts looking for a third?” However, when couples are taken into account, the remaining 70% of straight cis men (who connect with other men) are likely singles. Less than one third of these cis straight men who connect with other men are couples using a single account.

Language is what we make of it

When thinking about reasons behind this behavior, it’s important to remember that the language we use to talk about sexuality is a relatively modern invention, including the idea of “heterosexuality.”

To quote Brandon Ambrosino’s article “The Invention of Heterosexuality”: The 1901 Dorland’s Medical Dictionary defined heterosexuality as an “abnormal or perverted appetite toward the opposite sex.” [...] It wasn’t until 1934 that heterosexuality was graced with the meaning we’re familiar with today: “manifestation of sexual passion for one of the opposite sex; normal sexuality” [1].

“Homosexual” as a term was created at the same time as “heterosexual” and it wasn’t until the 1960s that the term “gay” was reclaimed and embraced [2]. Before these terms came into being, people had sex and didn’t worry about labeling themselves because of it. For example, it is well-documented that it was socially acceptable for men in ancient Greece and Rome to have same-sex sexual encounters while simultaneously being married and having a family [3].

During the AIDS crisis, epidemiologists popularized the term “men who have sex with men” or “MSM” as a way to focus on behavior instead of identity. This allowed for gay and bisexual men to be more easily counted together, but also covered men who have sex with men but do not identify as gay [4].

Using such language helped enable scientists to include a group of at-risk people who might otherwise be missed by identity labels. The downside to behavior-centric language to describe sexuality, however, is that it negates, ignores, or prevents any sense of a greater community.

According to theorist David Halperin, “Sex has no history. It is a natural fact, grounded in the functioning of the body, and, as such, it lies outside of history and culture. [...] Unlike sex, sexuality is a cultural production” [5]. This is all to say that human sexual behavior, much like we observe in the animal kingdom, has a wide range and spectrum of expression; the language we, as humans, use to talk about it is culturally derived and shaped. In choosing words to describe ourselves and our sexuality, we shape how we are perceived in a larger cultural sense.

More than an identity label

So how are people using language when identity labels don’t capture their experience? Conveniently, there’s more to language around sexuality than an identity label—bios and other language used in profiles can allow for nuance that an identity label can’t. When looking at the language straight cis men who connect with other men (MM) use in their bios compared to the straight cis men who do not connect with other men (M!M), some trends become apparent.

The MM bios have more fun-, adventure-, and exploration-forward language. There is also a tendency towards including kink-specific terms. Their choice of language signals a willingness to explore or embrace non-traditional aspects of connection through their choice of words—potentially both in sexual and social terms. MM profile desires over-index for “casual” and “intimacy” and under-index for “sensual” and “relationship,” implying that these men are looking for something more on the hookup end of things.

The M!M bios tend to use more conventional dating vocabulary. Keywords such as “dates,” “relationship,” “seeking,” “meet,” and “connection” indicate a focus on traditional dating goals and relationship-seeking. This group uses more language that aligns with conventional hetero-dating narratives.

Surprisingly, there is no statistically significant difference* in the number of men listing “dl” or “down low” in their bios between straight men who’ve connected with men and those who haven’t, suggesting that these members are using other language to signal their intentions.

*Determined using a chi-square test, which compares whether observed differences between groups are larger than what we'd expect by chance—here, p>0.05 indicates the difference could be due to chance.

No homo, bro

There are other social pressures that might play into what sexuality label someone chooses. Internalized ideas around “masculinity” and “femininity” as concepts as well as the perceptions we have around certain labels all inform how we self-identify.

For example, one of the terms that stands out as being more common in MM bios is “bull”—a term for a dominant man who has sex with a cuckold's partner. These are men who want to be masculine and would potentially reject “bisexual,” “bi-curious,” and even “heteroflexible” labels because of the perceived idea that homosexual interactions mean you’re more effeminate.

Another trend I’ve noticed is that there’s a group of people on Feeld who switch back and forth between bisexual/bi-curious and straight, which implies that a member is picking which sexuality label to display based on who they’re trying to attract at the time.

Sexuality changes

Unsurprisingly, there is some generational variation in which labels people eventually settle on. Older cis men are more likely to pick demisexual. Perhaps after some exploration, these men have realized that the connection is what matters to them. Younger people are more likely to pick bisexual, suggesting that younger people are more accepting of same-sex desires and labels.

Heteroflexible is the most popular identity that cis straight men switch to. Seeing as sexuality truly is a spectrum, having a label that can place you somewhere between bisexual and straight allows for embracing one’s own identity.

No matter the reason, it’s beautiful to see the range of expression that people are capable of. In examining a group of people's behaviors over a two-year period, what was initially categorized as one sexuality became 19 different sexualities.

Fuck around and find out

After straight, heteroflexible is the next most common sexuality listed by men on Feeld. What if there were a term between heteroflexible and straight—would we see the numbers for “straight” identifying people drop? Or would people keep choosing “straight” because it’s a word that says more about the culture they’re coming from than what their actual behavior is? As a queer and trans person, I’ve experienced firsthand that the divide between “straight” and not is often more a cultural divide than a sexual one.

Going back to Brandon Ambrosino’s article, he mentions a video that made its rounds on the internet “in which the creator asked people [on the street] if they thought homosexuals were born with their sexual orientations. Responses were varied, with most saying something like, ‘It’s a combination of nature and nurture.’ The interviewer then asked a follow-up question, which was crucial to the experiment: ‘When did you choose to be straight?’ Most were taken aback—confessing, rather sheepishly, never to have thought about it.” [1]

Maybe some people will always stick with the label they find comfortable without exploring. Certainly the cultural implication of fitting within the norm has a strong pull and can shape our sense of belonging even if our behavior doesn’t always align with that supposed norm. But for those people whose bios indicate that they’re open, exploring, and adventurous… maybe they just literally fuck around and find out.