“Can Host”: A roundtable on homes—and hookups—to remember

This roundtable originally appeared in print in AFM (A Fucking Magazine). Issue 3, Rooms with a View, is about interiors and interiorities: the spaces, shelters, and structures (literal or otherwise) that hold our days, lives, thoughts, and moods. Here, our members take us behind their closed doors…

Read more from AFM Issue 3: Rooms with a View.

Through the roof

“We met at a rooftop cafe in the summer sunshine after exchanging a few messages. Eighteen months later, we’re still together and continuing to explore ENM as a couple. It has been a beautiful and liberating adventure for both of us and we are very grateful an app exists that enables open-minded connections like these.” Jay, UK

Came early

“My partner and I hosted a third, and it was a wonderful time, right up until my partner’s wife came home an hour before we expected her.” Vera, NY

Dessert

“Had dinner in Coburg, then dessert back at her place in Northcote. What still stands out is the incredible conversation and chemistry, before anything happened. And her place was the most eclectic, full-of-character apartment I’d ever been in.” Brendan, Melbourne

Beauty mark

“Our first date was in the heart of Brussels. She chose to remain anonymous up until that point. Sitting across from her, I noticed a mark under her chin. She was from Belarus and revealed that she was a somewhat famous violinist. She played with symphony orchestras worldwide but had to busk in the subway to supplement her lifestyle. Never met someone that inspired me more . . . she was resilient, ambitious, gorgeous, and so hard-headed.” Maarten, Belgium

Georgie

“I met a woman named Georgie. We went to a bar and then back to her place. We met a few times after.” Eoghan, Melbourne

Money talks

“Our first meetup was at a small bar in the financial district. There was really good conversation but it was more of a hang out with one of the guys. Very easy back and forth. What stood out to me [was] that this wasn’t a real date. He and I meet up every now and again to have drinks, catch up, and have the occasional sexy time. Soon, I’m going to meet his new girlfriend.” Anonymous

Raw bar 

“We went to a raw bar and shared some oysters, clams, and the like. Had a few cocktails. Fairly boring date to be honest. But she suggested going back to mine after and we did. What stands out? She squirted like a porn star. There was a puddle in my living room and I spent a Wednesday night at 3 a.m. mopping my floor.” Ray, NYC

I <3 Mom

“We met on his rooftop in Bushwick. What sticks out is that we had the exact same tattoo, in the exact same spot. Both tattoos are of our mom’s birthdays, which are on the same day. Insane coincidence. His smile still comes to mind.” Julianna, NYC

Guest bed

“It’s hard to organize bringing someone to mine as I share a room. I met this guy for a date who lives with his girlfriend so we couldn’t go to his either. He suggested a bar that was next to my place. It was too cold to sit there smoking outside for long, so I suggested we go to mine before my roommate returned home from work. We had a great time using my roommate’s bed, which is the bigger of the two.” Scott, NYC

Talking heads

“I hosted at my house. There was excellent communication beforehand, initial boundaries were set, and I invited him over. The pre-chat had put us at ease and when he arrived it felt natural. We ended up getting spicy and it felt great, which made for some super hot results.” Samantha, Worthing

Zoomies

“I hosted at my house after a Zoom call and WhatsApp messaging. She arrived and walked straight into the bedroom.” Joshua, UK

Threadbare

“I scheduled an afternoon sexcapade with someone who worked from home. As we were laying naked in bed together, his manager called. He rushed up to get dressed for a video call, just moments after I had ripped his expensive linen comforter during sex.” Anonymous

Strings attached

“We went to her place in Brooklyn. She was a dominatrix. She needed someone to practice her shibari work on. We made out a lot and she definitely led things. She introduced me to some beginner’s BDSM. I found out I like being tied up.” Cam, NYC

Hot and unbothered

“We met soon after [connecting] and decided to go to a sauna for the first date. We both got very relaxed, comfortable. During our second sauna run, we decided to do it there and then since we were the only ones there.” Ernest, Copenhagen

Happy campers

“We went on a camping date, piled all the camping gear in his truck, and drove out to Port Burwell. It’s a beautiful spot right on Lake Erie with a long sandy beach and a nude beach at one far end. That’s where the fun happened . . . On my paddleboard. I gotta say we did a great job stabilizing that board.” Yuliya, Toronto

Count von

“Our first date was at a brewery. I had stayed too late to get a tube back so she invited me to spend the night at hers. Once we got to her flat, I was informed she had a vampire fetish and wanted me to act like a vampire. My Sesame Street impression didn’t cut it, but I tried my best. Other than drag teeth over flesh, the only other vampiric thing I did was ask for permission to come inside.” Darren, UK

Last train

“My date and I had been talking for several weeks about a specific fantasy, and when the day arrived, his train was late, cutting into our time. We’d video chatted before and decided he would come directly to mine. Our first in-person interaction involved me stripping off, near-naked on my bed. I gave him a code word to finish undressing me, and I felt very spoiled and delighted by what followed.” Evie, Scotland

Well read

“After a lively conversation about Jewish theater at a bar in Brooklyn, we went back to their place. I was nervous since I hadn’t been on a date in a while, but then I saw their bookshelf, well-stocked with contemporary literary fiction, and I couldn’t resist.” Anonymous

Edging

“Met an Aussie woman at my climbing gym. We went back to hers, where we experimented with a few grips and holds.” Anonymous

In the dog house

“The first time I went over to a couple’s place, I was surprised and touched that they had prepared for me. They answered the door with a cocktail in hand, their dog following just behind. It turned out that their dog was very jealous, and over the course of the evening, we each took turns giving him constant attention.” Anonymous

Femme

“We met at my place. It was my first time hosting being much more femme than I have been for a long time. We had chatted a lot on WhatsApp and he seemed very sweet and sexy. I didn’t really know how it was going to go but we just had an immediate connection and things got very physical very fast. It was like we had been lovers for a long time. Especially once he bred me. Very hot, very romantic.” John, Portugal

Brewing

“We had been [connected] for a long while but didn’t meet up. One day, I randomly messaged her and she was game for a drink. With no expectations, our time at the bar was amazing. We went back to my place, and it was even more amazing.” Ale, Toronto

Right now

“I’m here. Where are you?” Robert, Croydon

Tour guide

“She was visiting the city for just a few days and asked if she could be very forward. Later, while her friend was getting us drinks, she kissed me. When the three of us finally made it back to mine, we wasted no time and gave her what she had confidently asked for earlier that day.” Anonymous

Home invasion

“He worked late nights in entertainment, so I volunteered to let myself into his home in the evening to walk his dog. I watched TV in his bed and fell asleep, until he came back at four in the morning and woke me up.” Anonymous

Cappuccino

“Met up at a coffee shop in London with this lovely lady from Sicily. Unfortunately, I went to the wrong coffee shop with the same name but we ended up meeting regardless. She took me to hers where we had a good time together.” Leo, High Wycombe

Read more from AFM Issue 3: Rooms with a View.