Shibari basics: A beginner’s guide to mindful rope play

What is shibari? 

Shibari is a style of kink that harnesses the tactile sensation of rope to build intimacy, trust, and connection between partners. Drawing on various elements of Japanese culture and their historic use of rope, shibari is celebrated for its intricate and aesthetic patterns (kinbaku). With a long history, it's rooted in the concept of a playful, physical, and emotional experience for partners to enjoy together. Shibari fosters intimacy, with a focus on beauty—the rope itself enhancing the natural curves of the body. 

Psychotherapist and author of Kink Curious, Gigi Engle, delves into the interconnectedness of the “art of the knot” and says that it “becomes meditative, pulling both partners into the moment, slowing everything down, and heightening awareness and sensation. For the person being tied, there’s a consensual surrender that can feel very grounded. For the person tying, it’s about care, attunement, and responsibility.”

Does shibari create intimacy?

Every individual's experience will be different, but shibari can help to focus attention, presence, and intimacy. By harnessing vulnerability, trust, and an accentuated sensory awareness, the slow-paced and intentional elements of shibari can encourage experiences of profound connection. 

Shibari practitioner and instructor, Conor Aphilia of Aphilia Studio explains: “Shibari can be used as an opportunity to practice trust, to practice being brave, to practice looking your partner in the eye. What’s amazing about shibari is that when you’re tying with a partner, regardless of your experience level, you give them your undisputed attention for the whole session. For me, that is a huge sign of respect. For that period of time, you’re listening to and in tune with their body: every wince, every curl in your partner's toes, is a form of connection.” 

Understanding shibari’s history 

The origins of shibari are very hard to pinpoint. It’s commonly thought that it originated from an ancient Japanese practice of restraint from the Samurai era (hojōjutsu), and has since evolved into a consensual form of kink and higher art. 

Amidst many myths and ever-changing ideas of its history, shibari has blossomed in popularity in recent years. It’s now considered an inclusive, non-gendered practice with mutual vulnerability at its center—focused on the idea of surrendering with intention. 

Getting started: Shibari for beginners

Though shibari is intricate, it’s fully accessible for everyone with the right safety information and equipment. Certified sex therapist Nikita Fernandes suggests moving slowly if you’re trying shibari for the first time, and exploring a reputable beginners’ class if you’d prefer to learn from a pro. Of course, you’re not going to become an expert overnight, but with enough time and dedication you can take all the small (and safe) steps you need to fully appreciate shibari.

If you want to be the participant being tied up, you may feel more comfortable exploring shibari with a more experienced top or rope master. Or, if physical exploration feels too intimidating, you could always focus on information-gathering first.  

Rope artist and disciplinarian Trixie LaPointe, adds, “[Don’t be] afraid to ask other people who are more established in the community, or ask the top for references. You are trusting someone with your body, so make sure you feel safe with them.”  

She continues, “A lot of shibari studios offer private lessons, so be sure to enquire with your local instructors if you prefer 1:1 in-person learning. Failing that, online learning can also be helpful.” One of the most popular online platforms is Shibari Study—including content of varying skill levels, as well as valuable safety advice. Conor adds that, for him, “the in-person aspect is a huge aspect. For me and my practice, people might learn a certain amount and then come to me to get more out of their play by finding solutions that are specific to their partner’s anatomy and make it more comfortable.”

When it comes to finding partners to explore with, you can search for people with shared interests on Feeld—whether that’s by tagging “bondage” as a desire on your profile, or mentioning shibari in your bio.   

A note on names: The most common term for a person who ties shibari is a “rigger” or “rope top.” The term “rigger” emphasises the technical and practical elements of shibari, whereas “rope top” focuses on power dynamics, and is a term more commonly used in BDSM scenarios. Meanwhile, “A ‘rope bunny,’ or ‘model,’ is a term used to refer to people who enjoy bottoming for rope, or in other words, the person who the rope is tied upon,” Nikita explains.

Choosing the right shibari rope

Choosing the right rope for shibari is essential. Experts advise avoiding the regular type of rope you might find at a  hardware shop, as it can cause friction burns. “Jute” is the ideal shibari rope, as it’s lightweight, has a smooth feel (after conditioning), and offers a secure friction for knots. 

Trixie says, “The more silky ropes are usually a little short, so they are great for wrists but not so great for tying the whole body. Cotton rope is stretchy, so the frictions and knots compress a lot. I don't feel like it provides the best feeling of being stuck, so I generally stick to recommending jute or nylon.” 

What is special about shibari rope?

As shibari rope is made for a specific purpose, and human contact, it’s best produced from natural materials like hemp, jute, cotton, or silk. Sometimes treated with oil, it’s a high-friction yet soft material that works perfectly for securing comfortable knots that are less likely to burn than synthetic materials (though technique is still crucial when it comes to preventing burn or injury). 

How many ropes do you need for beginner shibari?

Experts usually suggest between 2-3 ropes of 5-8 metres in length to begin with. Trixie explains, “Starting with 2 full lengths of 8 meter or 30 feet rope is usually enough. If you want to build a bigger kit, 4 full lengths and 2 half lengths is usually perfect for most bodies and ties.” It’s also strongly advised that you invest in a pair of safety sheers and gloves, so that you can easily release your partner and prevent sanitary issues.

How to prioritize safety when practising shibari

Shibari requires application and attention to learn it responsibly. It’s integral to start your journey with safety at the forefront. Everything from monitoring pain and circulation, to regular communication and continuous consent should be the shared responsibility of both parties. Nikita reinforces this: “As a member of the kink scene for half a decade and bottoming for rope, [my advice is to] focus on constant education and understanding before jumping in.”

It’s worth being mindful of some of the risks associated with shibari—such as falling from suspension, and skin damage like rope burn, bruising, or cuts. Circulation problems can also occur if knots are too tight or held for too long, restricting blood flow. Conor explains that “what you need to remember is that people's bodies are different—it’s all about listening to your own and making a judgment. For beginners, if you feel any localized tingling or like you’ve lost strength in your grip, and it makes you feel unsure or uneasy in any way, it’s probably time to stop.”Is there a limit to how long you should hold a position? Conor goes on to explain that, “With shibari, you are transitioning through shapes, even though the imagery seems quite static. It’s a fluid practice that changes constantly. How you and your partner feel dictates the metronome of the scene, rather than time constrictions or pre-conceived rules of what you should and shouldn’t do.”

Listen to your body, instincts and boundaries, and always err on the side of caution. As with any kind of intimacy—and especially those involving power dynamics—preparation, communication, and aftercare — are absolute fundamentals.

How do you communicate during shibari?

Shibari can involve the use of many signals, including active monitoring of non-verbal signs. “In [broader] BDSM, you often build a narrative through words,” Conor says, “—with rope we use somatic touch. However, for riggers, it’s useful to be very specific with how you talk to your model [or rope bunny]. ‘Does that knot on your wrist hurt?’ Yes, or no. ‘How is mobility in your hands?’ Good or bad.”

Pre-arranged safe words—and checking in verbally with direct questions that won’t take away from the experience—can help create a relaxed space.  “Does this feel good for you?”  “Can I keep going?” “Do you want me to stop?” “Was that enjoyable for you?” These are just a few of the questions you could ask your partner before, during, and after play.

When it comes to communicating your needs and desires, Trixie reminds us not to “assume that because someone knows how to tie that they are going to know what you are looking for.” Instead, make sure you’re letting your partner know what you want to experience beforehand, and clearly explain any boundaries you may have. 

What are common shibari mistakes to avoid?

Conor and Trixe have helped us unpack some key considerations below:

• Don’t tie above your skill level: “Trying to suspend someone when you have never learned proper technical uplines is dangerous for everyone involved. I suggest in-person learning for more technical ties or anything involving suspension,” says Trixie. 

• Don’t leave your partner unattended: As explained, constant communication is key, and—as the rigger—it’s important to remain present. You never know when your partner might need an adjustment.
• Don’t forget your shears: “If you’ve finished the rope right at the end, where the tails are, and it gets stretched due to compression, what can happen is that the two knots at the end can get jammed—making it almost impossible to undo the rope. Having shears nearby is essential,” Conor says.  

• Avoid tying your knots too tightly or loosely: “People tend to think that tying loose will make it safer, but most of the time it just means the rope is going to slip off. Make sure you can fit two fingers under the ropes when they are around the wrists,” Trixie explains.
• Avoid laying rope on joints: “Our joints are very fragile. Armpits, elbows, knees… we have a lot more exposed vulnerable anatomy in those areas that aren't worth putting at risk,” Conor explains. 

If something unexpected does happen, or you need to take action quickly, it’s important to remain calm and communicative.

Understanding shibari knots and ties

Shibari is widely recognized as being an ongoing learning process, and one that requires continuous education, rather than a practice with a distinct endpoint. It’s best for beginners to put their focus into simple, foundational knots. It can take years of experimenting, adapting, and evolving before you feel you and your partner(s) are fully communicating and trusting one another. Practise patience, and allow yourself time to feel the full benefits. 

Essential knots for your first tie

• Lark's head: This is a basic (and very secure) fold that’s designed to attach one rope to another, a fixed post, or an anchor. Begin by folding the rope in half to create a bight (loop) and then pass the loop around your chosen object. Once this is done, pass the two ends of the rope through the loop you just made.
• Single-column tie: A column is the object or body part you’re aiming to tie: your waist, leg, arm etc. This is a secure bondage knot that involves wrapping the rope twice around the chosen limb, passing the bight (a U-shaped bend) underneath and securing it with a knot. Tied with the quick release technique, the single-column tie is used to ensure a fixed cuff. It’s a staple technique for beginners. 
• Double-column tie: While a single-column tie is performed on one body part, a double-column tie binds two parts of the body together.

That’s a small snapshot of the fundamentals, and there’s much more to build upon surrounding the different types of shibari knots and their uses. For a complete library, you can explore with Shibari Study.

Why is shibari thought of as healing?

Shibari can be healing, but as with anything  there are many reasons why a person might want to explore the practice. No act is simply healing in and of itself.Conor shares some of his own experience with shibari: “As a practice it has so much to give—and if you’re goal oriented on ‘healing,’ you may be missing the point… I’ve had about 200 clients over the years, and I’ve seen people go through [huge] transformations, but it’s not because of the rope. It’s because they decided to go and do something and invest in themselves.” 

Healing aside, shibari can help to create feelings of interpersonal safety and trust, especially during the meditative “flow state.” “[It] brings people mindfulness by being grounded in their body and the practice, and a hyper focus on the art itself,” Nikita explains. It’s important to remember, though,  that shibari isn’t a replacement for traditional therapy and mental health treatment, but it can certainly help people reconnect with themselves. 

If you’re curious about starting your shibari journey, you can connect with people who share the same desires—and get vocal about your own—on Feeld.