Biromantic vs. bisexual: What’s the difference and why does it matter?

Sexual and romantic attraction are usually bundled together in this way because, for a lot of folks, the two go hand in hand. But a psychological framework called the Split Attraction Model (SAM) is one way of recognizing that, for others, sexual and romantic attraction can be more distinct: some people might be romantically attracted to certain genders without being sexually attracted to them, and vice versa. 

Enter romance-specific orientations like “biromantic.” So, let’s talk about it: What does biromantic mean, how is it different from bisexual, and why does it matter?

What does “biromantic” mean?

“Biromantic” refers to people who are romantically attracted to two or more genders. Traditional understandings of bi attraction have been defined by attraction to men and women—but the language has evolved now to include non-binary and genderqueer identities too (hence the “two or more”).

Since “bisexual” is often used as shorthand for being sexually and romantically attracted to said genders, many people who identify as bisexual are biromantic, too. But for others, it’s not a package deal like that. Some people might be romantically attracted to two or more genders, without feeling sexually attracted to all of them (or, if they’re asexual, to any of them).

These biromantic folks might have the capacity for a deep emotional pull toward two or more genders; a longing to be close or committed to them, perhaps a desire to “build a life” with them—without the urge to have sex with all, or indeed any, of them.

As one biromantic Reddit user on the ace spectrum eloquently puts it: “I want the romance and shit, where I live with my partner in a two story apartment in England and we have domestic bliss where we make cookies and watch our favorite shows with a dog and a cat and fall asleep next to each other.” For them, they just don’t want sex in that mix.

How to tell if you’re biromantic

You might be biromantic if you feel drawn to dating or having romantic experiences with two or more genders. Maybe you want to share quality time together, nurture a special connection, and feel “chosen” or prioritized by them—and you might desire some types of physical intimacy, like holding hands or kissing. However, you don’t necessarily experience sexual attraction to all of the genders that you desire romance with.

Since so many of us have been taught that sex is an integral part of relationships, it can be hard to identify and differentiate your feelings for people once you take sex out of the equation.

So, here are a few things you can do to reflect on how you experience attraction:

• Read about the different types of attraction, and see how the nuances sit with you. A great place to start is Feeld’s guide to recognizing romantic attraction vs. platonic love. You can also check out The Trevor Project’s handbook for LGBTQ+ people, which includes a section on understanding sexual and romantic orientations, and how they overlap. 
• Learn from other folks’ experiences. Search “biromantic” on Reddit, AVEN (the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network), and any other forums to see if people’s stories about their biromantic journeys resonate with you.
• Do some self-reflection. If there are people of certain genders you feel attracted to, in any capacity, try journaling about what that attraction is made up of. If you don’t want to have sex with them, what is it that you want with them, specifically? Does this feel different to your relationships with friends and other people? How, exactly? 
• If you’re feeling lost, and think it’d be helpful to explore it with the guidance of an expert, consider reaching out to a queer-informed therapist. To find the best fit local to you, explore directories like Psychology Today in the U.S., the BACP in the U.K., the CCPA in Canada, or similar resources in your area, and adjust the filter settings to LGBTQ+ specialists.

There are no wrong answers when it comes to exploring your romantic orientation. Just like sexual orientations, this stuff is flexible and fluid. So go easy on yourself, and know that there’s no rush to decide on a label—now or ever.

What’s the difference between biromantic and bisexual?

Broadly speaking, the difference between biromantic and bisexual is that “bisexual” technically means being sexually attracted to two or more genders, while “biromantic” means being romantically attracted to two or more genders. 

That said, language is slippery, and for many people bisexuality is broader than the literal meaning of the word. As we described, bisexual is often used as a shorthand for being sexually and romantically attracted to 2+ genders (whereas folks who choose to go by “biromantic” typically align with a different sexual orientation, outside of bisexual).

It’s worth noting that some queer people consider “bisexual” as more of an umbrella term: so even some folks who are, say, biromantic but hetero- or homosexual might still consider this a subset of bisexuality, and choose to identify as “bi" (though not always, and there’s certainly no need to do that if it doesn’t feel right).

In short, there’s no one-size-fits-all for either term. It’s not always as clear cut as “biromantic vs. bisexual.” So take whatever language resonates with you, and leave what doesn’t. 

Why the distinction matters

Romance-specific orientation labels can be particularly helpful for folks on the asexual spectrum. There’s a whole community of biromantic aces, which means they might have no desire for sexual relationships, but do want romantic ones. 

For biromantic folks on the whole, the label can help them feel seen and understood—relieving them of the pressure to squash themselves into ill-fitting boxes, and helping them connect with communities and partners who truly align.

That said, if you feel you’re somewhere along the bisexual and biromantic spectrum, and you’re not fully sure where, it’s OK if the distinction doesn’t matter to you, too. The ways in which we experience attraction to different genders can ebb and flow (a common phenomenon for bi-leaning folks known as the bi-cycle), and there’s no need to draw hard lines if it’s not helpful.

In the words of one biromantic Reddit user: “You have the freedom to label or not label whatever you want. You do you!"

How might biromanticism fit with other sexualities?

Biromantic and heterosexual

You might feel romantically attracted to two or more genders, while only feeling sexually attracted to your “opposite” (binary) gender—and if biromantic and heterosexual are the labels that resonate best with you, they’re yours.

“I'm a man who is sexually and romantically attracted to women, but I've also had what I can only describe as crushes on some of my male friends,” says one Reddit user, for example.

“I’ve had attractions to women in the romantic fashion,” says another female user, “but the idea of sex is something I can’t imagine with them.”

Biromantic and gay/lesbian

You can be biromantic and homosexual, gay, or a lesbian, meaning you’re romantically attracted to two or more genders, but only sexually attracted to your own gender. Most dictionary definitions define “gay” and “lesbian” as relating to same-sex sexual or romantic attraction—so, again, if these labels feel like home to you, alongside feeling biromantic, there’s your answer.

You can also be biromantic and pansexual, or any other sexual identity.

Can you be bisexual but not biromantic?

Totally. You can be bisexual but not biromantic, meaning you’re sexually attracted to two or more genders, but define your romantic orientation differently: be it heteroromantic (romantic attraction to the “opposite” gender), homoromantic (romantic attraction the same gender), panromantic (romantic attraction to people, regardless of gender) or something else. 

“I happen to be heteroromantic and bisexual. I proudly identify as bi,” says one Reddit user. To her, “bisexuality is a wide range of attractions towards more than one gender in any way or combination.”

“I’m a man, sexually attracted to men and women, but am only romantically interested in women,” says another. “We still count!”

Is biromanticism part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum?

It sure is. Biromantic is considered part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum because it’s a way of experiencing attraction that falls outside of heteronormativity (and it can often overlap with other layers of queerness, like asexuality). 

While sexual orientation often gets more cultural airtime, romantic orientation is just as valid in shaping people’s identities and relationships, and is an important part of LGBTQ+ conversations.

Romantic and sexual attraction don’t always go hand in hand. We might be sexually attracted to some genders without experiencing romantic attraction to them, and vice versa. All of this is valid.

If you’re figuring out where your different attractions lie, you’re not alone. There’s no time limit on exploring your identity, or deciding which labels (if any!) fit you. To discover more, check out Feeld’s guides to sexual vs romantic attraction, understanding bisexuality, and navigating bi-curiousity. And if you’re ready to connect with others who truly understand the depth of your sexual and romantic identities, they’re waiting for you on Feeld.