Feeld x Queer Health: An uncensored roundtable with sex ed experts

A rebranded understanding of sexual health is long overdue—encompassing enjoyment, emotional wellbeing, and education across all bodies and identities.  

That's why we’ve partnered with Queer Health, a grassroots initiative supporting better care for queer communities. Together with Not a Phase and LGBT Foundation, Queer Health are spotlighting conversations grounded in celebration, vulnerability, insight, and activism.

Here, three sex educators and experts sit down to discuss what sexual health actually means, which changes need to be made, and the trailblazing work that can make us feel optimistic for the future. They are:

• Dee Whitnell, a multi-award winning sex educator and content creator via @s3xtheorywithdee, and founder of Trans Kids Deserve To Grow Up.
• Reed Amber Thomas-Litman, a sex educator, speaker, activist, and award-winning podcaster for ComeCurious. @reedamberx on all socials.
• Henry Blest, co-founder and CTO of Polari Labs: “As a medical scientist and gay man I believe that anorectal health has been overlooked for too long. Hence, I co-founded the Polari Labs, to apply hardcore science to anal douching. Previously I trained for my PhD in the Rehwinkel Group at the University of Oxford where I became a specialist in both immunology and virology. My research focussed on the STIs herpes simplex virus and HIV.”

“Sexual health” can often be reduced to STIs. What does sexual health mean to you? What can it mean beyond the physical? 

Reed: “Sexual health isn't [just] about the physical. It is also about the mental. It's about your happiness. It's about how much shame you carry around, which can literally affect your day-to-day [life]. Sexual health runs so much deeper than just biology. It's how we as mammals on this earth interact. How we understand humans, how we connect, how we build community.”

Dee: “Sexual health is just as important as mental and physical health, yet it is still considered taboo or an uncomfortable [subject of] conversation.”

Henry: “My core belief is sexual health should not just be limited to STIs but [should] also [include] the enjoyment of sex itself. Anal douching is a prime example: Medical advice says don't do it, but the fear of feces in the bedroom is an incredibly strong motivator of behavior. This leaves a gulf between clinical guidance and community need. [...] To fix this we need to ditch the stigma and study sex like we would any other biological event. This is why we built Polari Labs. It's not just about STIs, it's about comfort, confidence, emotional connection, and frankly having a good time.”

What misconception, stigma, or taboo needs to be most urgently addressed? What is especially affecting the queer community?

Dee: “Inclusive sex education helps everyone, not only LGBTQIA+ individuals, but folks who may have a queer person in their life.”

Henry: “Any shame around sex. Kill the stigma, not the mood. People speaking openly about their experiences lifts others' shame.”

Reed: “I feel like imposter syndrome is one of the big things when it comes to figuring out your own sexuality. [I experienced] feeling ‘not queer enough,’ and that really played havoc on whether I felt that I could even approach the queer community, and therefore [I didn’t accept] myself fully.” 

“[It’s important to understand] that identity hasn't anything to do with what you physically do with your body, who you kiss, who you end up in a relationship with, who you shag, it is all about what you're mentally attracted to. [Realizing that means] I can accept myself as a pansexual being, and seek support from the queer community, which so many people need when figuring out their sexuality.”

It’s no secret that sex education needs radical change. What’s front of mind for you?

Dee: “[Ensuring that] trans+ sex educators are involved in the development and curation of research and resources. I’m often the only trans sex educator in the room, or in the organisation, and that puts a weight on my shoulders to ensure inclusivity, and to challenge discrimination and microaggressions when I see them. We need more trans+ folks behind the scenes, we need more funding for trans+ researchers, we need more trans+ sex educators in classrooms.”

Henry: “My only LGBTQIA+ sex education was the film Philadelphia, so the first time queer life appeared, it was a man dying of AIDS. My dad did the same thing when I came out: handed me a book on AIDS. It’s not sex ed, it's fear mongering. The trauma of my teens could have been avoided if the default hadn't been that everyone is straight until proven otherwise. If we teach the mechanics of straight sex, we should teach LGBTQIA+ sex in all its forms, as health education, not a risk warning. [...] The alternative isn't that queer young people don't have sex. It's that they have it without ever being taught how to do it safely.”

Reed: “One of the big [problems] with sex education in schools is their total lack of understanding around pleasure, and how male ejaculation is put at the forefront of sex education. It is terrifying—it centers male pleasure, but doesn't talk about pleasure when it comes to vulvas, vaginas, and other bodies, other genders. We tend to put [pleasure] on hold, and that's such a huge part of sexual health. It's not just about staying safe and protected. It's about consent, understanding boundaries, and being able to communicate with other people.” 

“[Elsewhere], I’m [also] thinking about when I've had STIs before, and didn’t know how to even send a text message to somebody—being terrified of the response and being seen as this bad, dirty person. It was incredible for me to actually learn how to remove all of that shame and emotion (knowing that, if you get an STI, there’s nothing wrong with you). Getting rid of that shame will make us so much safer in the future.”

What are you most proud of in your work or activism? What do you feel the biggest responsibility towards?

Dee: “I am proud of being the loud trans person who always asks the difficult or uncomfortable questions, always striving for inclusivity even when those conversations aren’t well received."

Henry: “[At Polari Labs] we have created a spontaneous alternative to anal douching: A-BALL. Initially, feedback was, ‘you can only do this if you can show it works.’ I used an early prototype on myself to prove it works. It is distressing that, for a sexual health company to get funding, this was necessary; but I am very proud of myself.” You can learn all about A-BALL in this documentary. 

Reed: “What I'm most proud of is being able to fight in the Houses of Parliament over the [online] deplatforming of sex workers, sex educators, and LGBTQ+ accounts. It is so frustrating seeing so many accounts being deleted, removed, and censored. And I myself am a victim of that. I've lost my account eight times. I can't even say the correct anatomical terms for ‘vagina’ and ‘penis’ without getting deleted, it is terrifying out there. If we don't have valuable sex education, we end up relying on other places to learn, like porn.” 

What do you feel especially vulnerable sharing?

Henry: “My coming out journey.”

Reed: “[Being open about] the things that I have shamed myself for. For example, going sober and drug free—it took me years to accept that I needed to do that. Now I'm two years sober, but that took a long while to open up about, and to feel confident in.” 

“Another thing was coming out and talking about my tickle fetish. I could be really open about other interests around bondage and hardcore role play. But when it actually came to something like [being] into tickling, I buried it so full of shame. There were no real leaders at the time talking about this stuff openly, and it wasn't until I started to do my own research [that I was] able to understand it and accept myself for it.” 

“Being able to come this far has been life changing. Proudly putting it on my dating apps has allowed me to connect with the most incredible people, and finally feel less alone—so much so that I created a party called Ticklethusiasm, which has grown into a huge community. The less shame we feel about something, the more we can communicate, learn, and understand—that creates more safety, and better boundaries. Happiness and sexual satisfaction are out there once you start genuinely seeking what you [desire].”

What makes you feel optimistic for the future?

Dee: “Events like [the Queer Health gala], centring and uplifting queer and trans voices in health sectors. Often we are underrepresented or only rolled out during Pride month, but now queer sex educators and health workers are being given the spotlight to fight for inclusivity and representation [year round].”

Henry: “Hardcore LGBTQIA+ activists.”

Reed: “Seeing all the action from people [motivated by] the deep anger we feel from being silenced and erased. As a result, I'm seeing more communities being built, more safety networks. Community is such an important thing, and it's so incredible seeing how people, just normal people, can create these huge movements.” 

“I build a lot of communities myself—sex educational support groups, kink spaces, sober rave spaces. That has been so beautiful, and I also have to thank the internet [and social media] for that. As much as we are struggling at the moment, I think there is so much good that is going to come our way. If it's not in the bigger picture, then it's at least with our close friends, our families, and our communities that we’re able to survive and thrive. I'm seeing less judgment. I'm seeing more acceptance, and I think that's just going to keep growing.”

Feeld supports healthy, meaningful connections for all. You can find out more about Queer Health’s work on their website.