How Self-Partnering, Platonic, and Non-Romantic Connections Enhance Mental Health & Self-Esteem

When we don't have this, it isn’t just the threat of loneliness that can affect us. It can seriously affect our mental and physical health. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and belonging sit right in the middle of what motivates us, which comes only after our basic survival needs are met. Without strong social bonds, it becomes much harder to maintain a healthy sense of self, emotional resilience, and overall well-being.

The tricky part is society often acts like the only connection that really matters is romantic love — and usually a very specific type of romantic love at that. We grow up with stories that tell us that happiness = finding "the one," getting married and settling down. It's everywhere — movies, books, conversations with family, even those random comments from strangers. And for a lot of people, it's not just about what they want — it's what they're expected to want. That's where things like compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) come in — those unspoken pressures that push everyone toward a certain kind of relationship, whether it actually fits their true desires or not.

But here's the thing: not everyone wants romance—right now, or even at all. Life can be just as rich, meaningful, and connected without a romantic relationship.

In this article, we'll get into how relationships of all kinds affect mental health, why your relationship with yourself matters, and how having close relationships helps you stay mentally healthy.

Understanding Relationships and Mental Health

It's no secret that relationships can have an impact on our mental health, for better or worse. But it's not just the romantic ones that matter. Research consistently shows that strong social connections across all relationship types are linked to lower rates of anxiety, depression, and even physical health issues. Whether it's a romantic partner, a family member, or a close friend, nurturing healthy relationships plays a crucial role in supporting our emotional well-being.

In fact, a study published by the National Institute of Health found that loneliness and social isolation can increase mortality risk by nearly 29%. Similarly, The American Psychological Association identified social isolation as a major risk factor for depression and anxiety disorders, noting that without meaningful interaction, negative thought patterns can intensify.

While popular culture often places romantic love at the top of the relationship hierarchy, the reality is that all kinds of bonds are vital. Platonic friendships, chosen families, mentorships, creative partnerships, and even deep self-partnering (developing a strong, supportive relationship with oneself) significantly contribute to psychological resilience. Research published in The American Journal of Psychiatry found that individuals with strong friendships and close confidants reported greater life satisfaction and were less likely to experience depression.

And studies show that people who invest in supportive, non-romantic relationships tend to experience higher self-esteem and fewer mental health challenges over time. When we move away from the notion that romantic relationships are the pinnacle of connection, we open ourselves to a richer, more balanced emotional landscape — one where the quality and depth of our relationships, not their labels, determine our mental health outcomes.

The Psychology Behind Positive Relationships

Positive relationships are not just a source of happiness, they're essential for mental health, resilience, and a strong sense of identity.

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson's Broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions explains how positive social interactions help expand our emotional, cognitive, and social resources. Over time, these interactions make us more adaptable and resilient. Even small moments of connection, like a warm conversation, shared laughter, or a friend's encouragement, can build lasting mental health benefits.

Psychologists Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary, in their classic paper "The Need to Belong," add to this understanding. Just like in Maslow's hierarchy, they found that the drive to form and maintain strong, stable relationships is a basic human need, not just a preference. Their research shows that belonging is critical for emotional stability, life satisfaction, and the development of a healthy self-identity.

The impact of strong social connections goes beyond mental health and emotional well-being, though. A 2023 review of 38 studies found that high-quality adult friendships significantly predict well-being across the lifespan and help protect against anxiety and depression. Other research shows that people with stable and supportive social ties are less likely to suffer from chronic illnesses or premature death. For example, studies by Holt-Lunstad et al. (2010) and Steptoe et al. (2013) demonstrate that strong relationships can lower the risk of mortality, even from conditions like heart disease.

And the benefits of connection are not limited to romantic relationships. Bonds with friends, family, coworkers, and even casual acquaintances provide emotional support, affirm our identities, and help protect our mental health. Even brief interactions with strangers, sometimes called "weak ties," can improve mood and strengthen our sense of belonging, according to research by Sandstrom and Dunn (2014).

Recognizing the value of these different types of connections also helps lay the foundation for building a strong relationship with ourselves.

Self-Partnering: A Path to Self-Discovery and Esteem?

Despite its importance, self-partnership is often treated as a consolation prize for those who are single. Sometimes, it's framed in practical  or finite terms: take that three-month ancestral trip now because once you have a partner, it will be difficult to be away that long. But as Julia Bartz, LCSW, points out, there's more to the story. Single people are often actively discriminated against, and our culture tends to treat being single as a life stage to be endured before meeting a partner — the supposedly more mature and fulfilling phase. This can cause single people to feel shame and anxiety, especially if they are actively searching for partners and haven't found them yet.

When actress Emma Watson described herself as "self-partnered" in an interview in 2019, it sparked a wave of discussion. Instead of seeing singlehood as a lack of something, she framed it as having and prioritizing a fulfilling relationship with herself — one centered on self-knowledge, independence, and care. She admitted, though, that it took a while to ignore the 'subliminal messaging' and societal pressures that prescribe what reaching a certain age and having everything figured out is supposed to entail. Around the same time, singer Sam Smith also spoke about embracing self-partnership as a way of feeling complete without needing a romantic partner to validate them.

Self-partnering isn't necessarily about rejecting relationships or celebrating singlehood. It's about cultivating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself first — treating yourself with the same care, compassion, and commitment that we often reserve for others.

Psychologists have long noted that a strong relationship with oneself predicts better emotional regulation, higher self-esteem, and more satisfying external relationships. M.B.L. Writes discusses how nurturing your own emotional needs first creates a solid foundation for all other connections. It's about recognizing yourself as whole and worthy without relying on external validation.

Self-partnering encourages practices like self-compassion, honest reflection, and self-advocacy — all of which are critical for mental health. When people see themselves as deserving of their own love and attention, they are less likely to stay in harmful dynamics simply to avoid loneliness.

The Role of Platonic Relationships in Mental Wellness

Platonic relationships — deep friendships built on emotional intimacy without romantic or sexual involvement — are often overlooked in mainstream culture. But in reality, they are some of the most essential and sustaining connections we can have.

Even with 364 million people worldwide using dating apps to seek romantic partners, it's clear that not everyone is focused on finding "the one." Plenty of people are happily single or self-partnered (more on that later). As Carrie Bradshaw famously said in Sex and the City, "Our girlfriends are our soulmates, and guys are just people to have fun with" — and today, more and more people seem to be embracing that philosophy.

In a 2023 interview, actress Amy Lou Wood echoed a similar sentiment, saying: "It is so easy with my friends — they're supportive and nurturing, and so uplifting. We are obsessed with romantic love, but you can have just as much closeness with your friends. We need to celebrate platonic connections much more."

The concept of "platonic intimacy" highlights just how rich these bonds can be. As explored in our guide to platonic intimacy, platonic friendships offer the emotional vulnerability, trust, and deep love often associated with romantic relationships — but without the pressure to conform to traditional romantic molds. They create spaces where we can be fully ourselves, accepted, nurtured, and truly seen.

Strong platonic relationships can take many forms: close coworker bonds, chosen family, mentor-mentee relationships (mentorships), creative collaborations, and more. Each offers a different kind of emotional fulfillment and helps meet different needs. Building a spectrum of these connections creates a richer, more resilient social life — without expecting any one person to "be everything."

Of course, as with any important bond, communication matters. Carly S., Pleasure Educator and creator of Dildoordildont.com, explains: "Communication is the key to all connections. We have to communicate clearly and honestly with friends, partners, etc. People aren't mind readers, so we have to make our feelings known — otherwise, assumptions get made, and that's how problems can grow into much larger issues."

She adds: "Having support and someone you can trust and be there for you emotionally will never be a bad thing. Finding someone who can be your support, who will always listen or offer advice, will always be a positive."

Our guide to the platonic ideal shows how transformative platonic love can be as people share how their most enduring, soul-affirming connections are platonic, challenging the idea that romantic love is the only path to deep fulfillment. We're biased, but it's seriously worth a read.

Non-Romantic Relationships: Broadening the Spectrum

While platonic friendships are such an integral part of our emotional lives, the world of non-romantic relationships stretches far beyond them. Queerplatonic partnerships, close coworker bonds, chosen families, mentor-mentee dynamics, and creative collaborations — all offer a unique kind of connection and emotional fulfillment. These relationships remind us that intimacy, loyalty, and deep commitment don't have to follow a romantic blueprint to be meaningful.

Queerplatonic relationships are a great example. These deeply committed partnerships often involve living together, co-parenting, or making major life decisions — but without romance as the central thread. As Dr. Stefani Goerlich, Certified Sex Therapist and Clinical and Forensic Sexologist, explains, "The emotional support from a queerplatonic relationship can help people navigate life's challenges while also offering deeper insight into their own needs and desires."

Carly S., Pleasure Educator and creator of Dildoordildont.com, adds, "These relationships offer the kind of stability that many people look for in romantic relationships but without the pressure to fit into a romantic mold. It's about knowing someone will always have your back."

Ace (asexual) and aro (aromantic) folks often build strong, lasting bonds that aren't based on traditional ideas of romance or sexual attraction — and these relationships are every bit as significant and life-affirming. Whether it's a best friend, a life partner, or a chosen family member, these connections highlight that fulfillment comes in many forms. If you're curious to learn more, check out our guides to understanding the aromantic spectrum and navigating asexual dating.

Non-romantic relationships are essential because no one person — whether a romantic partner, friend, or family member — can meet all our emotional, social, and psychological needs. Instead, it's the diversity of our connections that nourish different parts of who we are.

Community Influence on Self-Image and Esteem

"Self-esteem is defined as a person's overall sense of worth and well-being" (Arnett, 2010). But self-esteem doesn't develop in isolation. It's shaped moment by moment through the relationships and communities we're part of. So, how do our friends, family and communities influence our self-image?

As the saying goes, it takes a village — and that village isn't just for raising children. Throughout our lives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, families, and chosen families all play a powerful role in how we see and value ourselves.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Pinker emphasizes the concept of social integration and face-to-face contact — the idea that the depth and quality of our social connections are major predictors of happiness, mental health, and even longevity. Being seen, heard, and valued by others doesn't just feel good; it's fundamental to how we build and maintain a strong sense of self.

Backing this up, a major meta-analysis led by Dr. Michelle A. Harris and Dr. Ulrich Orth reviewed 52 studies involving more than 47,000 participants across different countries and life stages. They found clear evidence that:

• Positive, supportive relationships help people develop stronger self-esteem over time.
• Higher self-esteem also helps people build and sustain better social connections.

In other words, there's a powerful feedback loop: good relationships boost self-esteem, and healthy self-esteem helps create even better relationships.

However, the research also highlights the risks when these connections aren't positive. Poor-quality, critical, or isolating relationships can erode self-esteem, leading to cycles of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. When self-esteem is low, it can make it harder to seek out and maintain supportive connections, sometimes creating a negative spiral that's difficult to break without intervention.

The good news? You can take active steps to shape your personal "village" in ways that protect and nurture your self-image. Here's how:

• Prioritize people who energize and affirm you. Notice who leaves you feeling seen, understood, and valued, and spend more time with them.
• Find communities that align with your values. Whether it's a creative group, a professional network, or a chosen family, seek out spaces where your identity is celebrated.
• Nurture trust and emotional closeness. Self-esteem grows strongest when we feel safe enough to be our true selves around others.
• Protect your emotional energy. Setting boundaries with draining or harmful relationships isn't selfish. It's an essential form of self-care.

The people we surround ourselves with, including friends, colleagues, neighbors, family, and chosen family, don't just keep us company. They help shape how we see ourselves, what we believe we deserve, and how we move through the world.

When you invest in relationships that truly support and uplift you, you're not just building a social life. You're strengthening your sense of self and protecting your mental well-being.

Our need for connection goes far deeper than romance alone. Self-partnership, deep friendships, chosen families - these forms of intimacy are not secondary to love stories; they are love stories in their own right. 

Whether you're seeking romantic or play partners, platonic soulmates, or simply exploring your own self-relationship, you'll find a community of like-minded people on Feeld. And if anything in this piece has brought up feelings that you might want help in making sense of, remember that sometimes, it's good to talk.