On menstruation and desire: A roundtable with Feeld members

Full Cycle is our week dedicated to exploring everything that exists at the intersection between menstruation and intimacy—from period sex, to the strengths of each cycle phase, to how science explains the ebb and flow of desire. Our contributors unlock liberating experiences, and interconnected truths shared by Feeld members. We’re asking the questions—join us. 

We spoke to Feeld members about everything that exists at the intersection between menstruation and intimacy: period sex, cyclical desire, conversations with partners, and adjusting life to each phase. 

Describe your relationship with your period… 

“I embrace it. For me it is a sign my body is happy and healthy.”—anon, 36, bisexual female.

“I like it. It's [a] natural cyclic part of my life.”—anon, 30, heterosexual female.

“My period is so much of who I am; it is part of me. It changes me with all its phases.”—anon.

“I hate it. I feel a lot of pain when I'm on my period, I'm not able to focus, I'm irritated. I try to be normal around it and tell people that I suffer from PMS, but despite being a feminist it still causes shame.”—anon, 37, heterosexual female.

“I think it's a strange feeling! It's like you are in pain but also know that several others are too. So this sort of helps in fighting over the pain, I think. Mood-wise, it can be a roller coaster for sure.”—Mahreen, 29, bisexual female.

“It’s both an emotional release and a physical shedding; change always holds pain, growth, and opportunities to pause and be soft.”—Raissa, 37, lesbian woman.

“It makes me feel like some kind of mythological, Herculean-era hero. No wonder so many witches have considered the blood to be a source of power.”—anon, 31, bi, queer, polysexual, demiromantic, cis female.

“I have a Mirena IUD so I don't bleed anymore. It's caused me to learn to keep track of my cycle in different ways, and as a result I've gained better somatic and cognitive self awareness… Mentally, I experience the phenomenon I like to describe as, ‘This friend is annoying me right now, but she's technically not doing anything wrong. Hmm, I wonder if I'm more irritable because I'm on period.’”—Florence, 41, queer woman.

“It's just boring but I am happy to know my body is healthy.”—Kasie, 24, straight woman.

“Hate it! My biggest issue is emotional mood swings.”—K, 27, queer, nonbinary.

“Irregular. I spent 10 years bouncing on different birth controls… My body still is trying to figure out what is normal. It took away my ovulating, so now that I can finally feel it again, I feel alive.”—Ally, 25, heteroflexible woman.

“Such a love/hate relationship. At its best, I felt more in tune with my body, the earth, and womanhood when I tracked my cycle. At its worst, I felt severe emotional dysregulation (likely undiagnosed PMDD), difficulty managing the blood part, and physical discomfort. I now realize some of what I felt may have even been gender dysphoria.”—Abby, 39, queer, GQ woman. 

“Deeply connected to her🩸honoring and welcoming each bleed. I practice cyclical living, feeling all my phases of my cycle.”—B, 43, queer female.

What are your feelings and experiences around period sex? 

“My desire is usually slightly elevated around my period for the first few days, but any sort of penetration causes an episode of debilitating pain; to work around it at all, we have had to work with mainly sensual touch and sensory play to connect.”—Krista, 28, bisexual.

“I feel more horny on my period and the idea of period sex is dirty in a good way. It feels primal, and having a partner that is comfortable with it is an even bigger turn on.”—Elena, 28, straight female.

“The pain overrides desire for the first two days, then it comes back like a tidal wave; very primal, deeply connecting, and nearly insatiable.”—Raissa, 37, lesbian woman.

“I used to not ever have sex on my period because it felt 'gross' and I couldn't get comfortable... But my new partner makes me feel like it's natural so I'm becoming less uncomfortable with it. Having period sex is a different type of intimacy now.”—Sarah, 28, bisexual female.

“For many, many years I did not enjoy period sex because of the mess. I desired orgasms because they help with cramps but not intimacy with my significant other. I have recently discovered period products that allow mess-free period sex, and that has changed my life and opinion on period sex. I will be partaking no matter the time of the month.”—anon, 48, straight female.

“Sex tends to be more pleasurable during menstruation for me. It also is wonderful for helping to relieve cramps! I do a clean up before sex and we put a towel down.”—anon, 29, demisexual female. 

“Loooooove it. I just have an honest conversation with a partner and express my love for it. Me being comfortable has made partners comfortable. My desire is heightened. I may also have a vampire fetish sooooo.”—Macey, 35, pansexual female.

“I've never had period sex and no longer have a period. I teach my kids that there's no shame to be had around periods.”—Jane, 50, bi female.

“Blood is lubricant! It’s even better on my period and when my lover isn’t deterred by the blood; that’s a huge turn on.”—Nomi, 34, pansexual/fluid woman.

“I don’t see it as a variable. Just get a towel to catch the mess.”—E, 43, heteroflexible female. 

“The pleasure is less because of the degree of cramping I experience, but the sense of closeness it creates is amazing.”—Heather, 45, bi-curious female.

“It really depends. Some periods I'm hornier than others.”—Everlena, 26, lesbian, she/they.

What helps you feel safe, respected, and desired when menstruating?

“An understanding partner that doesn’t make a big deal about it.”—E, 43, heteroflexible female.

“Partners eating me out while still on my period, not caring and being gentler when I’m sore.”—G, 27, bisexual female.

“Open conversations and respect for my autonomy. Listening and trusting where I’m at with my body, and what my body is experiencing, without giving any guilt or shame or making it about yourself. It’s literally nothing personal.”—Ollie, 22, queer, cis woman.

“Checking in before touching me, being gentle and asking what I want without assuming it’s automatically off the table.”—anon, 26, bisexual female.

“Physical touch. Accommodations—sex in the shower, towels down.”—anon, 36, straight female. 

“Aftercare, gentleness and constant check-ins. Reassurance that it’s no big deal.”—anon, 36, mostly straight woman. 

“Hearing my partners’ offers of support, love, and care in whatever form I wish to accept it; back rubs, setting up a bath with candles, helping me ease through the pain by proactively taking something off my plate and planning the next date or sending my favorite soup to my house.”—Raissa, 37, lesbian woman.

“Giving me space to not feel like my ‘normal’ self for a bit. To allow me to feel off and to not be judged for it.”—C, 28, pansexual cis female. 

Have you experienced your preferences for connection shifting during the phases of your cycle? 

“I switched from hormonal birth control to cycle tracking when I was 26. I am eager while folliculating, feral while ovulating, sensual while luteal, and pensively curious while bleeding.”—anon, 28, hetero cis female. 

“Ovulation has me like a pitbull in a cage, and it’s only getting worse (hornier) as I get older. Only real tapering off happens post-period for a few days.”—anon, 36, mostly straight woman. 

“Yes, strongly. My focus shifts from very cuddly, sensual, slow sex to a wilder, more experimental, and more dominant style.”—Josie, 28, pansexual female.

“Yes, feral when ovulating and bleeding.”—anon, 37, pansexual, fluid.

“During the follicular phase before ovulation I feel amazing and sexy and love having sex. In the luteal phase in the two weeks leading up to my period, I am a different person. I feel terrible and I have no interest in connecting with anyone.”—anon, 37, pansexual female.

“100% yes. During my luteal phase I want connection a lot more than when I am on my period.”—anon, 32, straight cis woman. 

How do you adapt other areas of life around the phases of your cycle? 

“The week before my period is a time where I usually don’t date, I do lighter workouts, and seek out comforting activities.”—anon, 34, bi-curious woman.

“My life must adapt to the blood part of my cycle. I try to stay at home or close to home for the first three days because of heavy bleeding. I expect to need more rest. I try to schedule parties or networking events during ovulation times because they are much more successful.”—anon.

“I am in control. I have never allowed my cycle to dictate how I feel and act.”—Nunu, 51, heteroflexible female.

“I consciously shift my diet … When I am later luteal and menstrual, I will allow myself to regularly have meat (especially certain amounts of red meat), but will lean back into a vegetarian/pescatarian diet during my follicular and ovulation phases… I attempt to keep major decision-making and major events (especially social ones) away from my menstrual and luteal phases.”—anon, 31, bi, queer, polysexual, demiromantic cis female.

“When I started tracking my cycle I became much more aware of how my cycle affects my life—everything from my desire for intimacy to my interest in socializing. With this in mind, I can better plan and not stretch myself too thin in times where I anticipate feeling less social.”—anon, 37, pansexual, she/her.

“I don’t make major decisions right before my period or when I’m ovulating. I try not to go on first dates when I’m ovulating. I’m a little weaker at the gym when I’m luteal.”—anon, 41, polysexual, cis woman.

“Just go with the flow, don’t stop living because of your period. It's natural.”—E, 20, bisexual female. 

“I think many menstruating people likely unconsciously take more risks when ovulating—I’d love to see that study!”—Abby, 39, queer, GQ woman. 

“I use a daily tracker for all of my symptoms where I can check in with how I'm feeling—my mood, did I work out, sex, brain, productivity etc. It makes me feel less out of control on the bad days.”—anon, 24, queer female.

“I don’t, I just live with it.”—anon, 26, queer, gender fluid.

How do you usually bring up periods with partners?

“I’m straight up.”—anon, 30, queer cis woman.

“Boldly.”—Embers, 40, bisexual female.

“Awkwardly.”—anon, 26, bisexual woman. 

“Share my tracker lol.”—Meg, 27, straight female.

“When talking about kinks, wants, and desires, I usually ask how they feel about it.”—Chloe, 35, heteroflexible woman. 

“I just ask if they do period sex. Because it’s so important to me. I only want to be with someone who’s into that and is gentle with it too.”—Ava, 32, bisexual female. 

“It's never really been an issue for me to initiate that conversation. I’m very open about it as it’s something which has been so defining in my past. I’ve always only been with people who appreciate/respect periods. If they didn’t, or showed a dislike or fear, I think that would be a huge turn off for me.”—anon, 24, queer female.

“I talk about my period frankly and earnestly. It is a fact of life, after all. If someone responds in a way that I find prejudicial or ignorant, I will not engage.”—anon, 28, hetero cis female. 

What do you call your period when talking about it with friends or partners? Drop your creative names…

“Aunt Flo, The Red Balloon, IT, That Bitch, Fiery Pits of Hell.”—KD, 31, pansexual female. 

“I call it the week of wallowing.”—anon, 39, bisexual cis woman. 

“Nothing fancy, it's just my period.”—K, 27, queer, nonbinary.

“Period. Bleed. Cycle. Menstruation.”—anon, 29, queer woman.

“Mother Nature is acting up.”—anon, 28, queer cis woman.

“My period, that time of the month, surfing the crimson wave (only jokingly, and only because Clueless references are part of my soul).”—anon, 41, bisexual woman.

“Haha we refer to it as ‘Shark Week’ because there's blood in the water…”—anon, 29, demisexual female.

“Period, Communists have moved in, Lucifer's waterfall.”—Nat, 33, bisexual cis female.

“Period :) just that.”—Magda, 24, pansexual woman. 

Keen to continue the conversation with people who understand the intricacies of desire? Discover what’s waiting for you on Feeld. Read more from Full Cycle.

Illustration by Lulu Lin.