Vers & Switch: Navigating Flexible Roles in Sex and Dating

If you hang out in queer spaces, you’re probably already familiar with the notion of tops and bottoms. Vers, which is short for versatile, originated in gay leather culture of the 1950s and ’60s and was originally used to refer to gay men who either penetrated their partner, or preferred to be penetrated. 

As we’ve covered in our previous blog on bottoming, the terms are now more expansive and “accessible to folks of all genders and orientations,” according to sex therapist Nikita Fernandes. While these labels have traditionally been associated with gay men, they’re increasingly used by trans folks, non-binary people, lesbians, and even some straight individuals who feel these roles best describe their sexual preferences.

“Top, bottom, or switch” has been popping up all over Lesbian TikTok, where users often “blind react” to trending sounds and answer questions about themselves or their relationships. This trend has made these terms more visible, especially to younger audiences. In the wlw community, tropes like “stone tops” and “pillow princesses” are far from new but have had a resurgence due to platforms like TikTok, giving more people the vocabulary to explain who they are and what they like.

Switch is often used interchangeably with vers, but usually refers to people who like to be both dominant and submissive, regardless of their gender or whether any anal penetration is involved. So, in a nutshell, a vers person is up for giving and receiving, and a switch is too, but the latter term often refers to kink and power dynamics rather than just sex.  

A vers or switch person is open to taking on different roles depending on the partner, situation, or mood. If you’re casually dating and enjoy a one night stand, it’s important to make sure both parties are on the same page when it comes to sex. Communication is important in casual dating—even if you both know it’s not for the long haul, you want to have a good time. 

Let’s dive into navigating dating as a vers or switch—how to set your boundaries and expectations and respect those of the people you’re dating, and most of all, how to have enjoyable sex, whatever role you’re taking on. 

Understanding vers and switch identities

Before we get into the details, let’s go over the definition of vers and switch. 

Vers

Vers (short for versatile) most often refers to someone who enjoys both topping and bottoming during sex, but is sometimes used by people into kink to describe someone who can be both dominant and submissive. It’s a common term particularly among gay men and queer people with penises. A vers person may have a preference for one position or the other, but is generally open to different roles depending on chemistry, attraction, and context.

Switch

A switch refers to someone who enjoys alternating between different roles in kink dynamics, often shifting between dominance and submission. While there is overlap with the term vers, switch is the more common phrase for folks in the BDSM and kink communities. 

As you can see from this Reddit discussion “A switch is not the same as a vers,” some people in the wider queer community have strong feelings that vers only refers to topping and bottoming while switch refers to wider bedroom dynamics, but others aren’t so rigid about the interchangeability of the words. That’s all the more reason to be open and communicative with partners about what being vers or switch means for you in practice, to ensure there’s no confusion or assumptions.

Of course, even if you identify with the idea of being fluid in your sexual preferences, if the terms vers and switch don’t appeal to you, there’s no rule that says you have to refer to yourself this way. What’s important is that you’re open about your likes and dislikes when it comes to sex, and clear with partners about the fact that you can do both.

Communication strategies for casual, flexible, and early stage daters

Clear communication really is at the heart of any sexual encounter. Even if the vibe isn’t one of getting to know each other’s deepest secrets, it’s still important to be able to voice your sexual desires and boundaries, not least to ensure that everyone is comfortable and consenting. 

“Clear communication is the key to a consensual, contented couple or intimate partnership,” says sex therapist Jacqueline Jones. She suggests thinking about what a good sex life looks like for you, and being clear about the things you enjoy. You can communicate with physical actions, too: “Show your partner/s how you engage in solo sex, take their hands and guide them to where you want.”

How do I tell new connections (and potential connections) about my identity?

Telling a potential sexual partner or date that you’re a vers or switch can feel vulnerable, but what’s worse—a little awkwardness over a drink, or not getting what you want in the bedroom? (Fake orgasms are optional). We get it—sex with someone new can feel a little awkward at first, but those moments are completely normal and all part of the fun. Embracing the awkwardness can actually help you both feel more at ease and create a deeper connection.We know it’s hard in the early stages of dating to know how much to divulge about your personal and sexual preferences, as you’re still getting to know each other and figuring out what the vibe is, so here are some more things you can do to find out if you’re on the same page.

• Include it in your dating profile: Mentioning your role flexibility in your bio will mean anyone you chat to on an app will know about your preferences from the off.
• Bring it up in conversations about sex and dynamics: If the topic of sexual preferences arises naturally, be upfront about being vers or switch.
• Use clear and affirming language: Rather than focusing on labels alone, describe what you enjoy and how you like to engage in different roles.
• Gauge your partner's openness: Ask them about their preferences and comfort levels to ensure they’re comfortable with what you bring to the bedroom and vice versa (no pun intended). 

Consent and boundaries

Consent and boundaries are non-negotiable in any form of dating. They’re particularly important in role-flexible dynamics, especially if kink or BDSM is involved. Whether you’re sleeping with someone on a one-night stand, in a casual or serious relationship, or having fun with a play partner in a poly arrangement, openness, consent, and communication is vital.

• Consent should always be explicit, informed, and enthusiastic: Before engaging in any kink-related activities, check in with your partner and ensure they are fully comfortable. 
• Discuss limits and boundaries beforehand: Every person has different comfort levels, and understanding what is off-limits will remove any uncertainty or discomfort from the situation. 
• Respect the fluidity of consent: Just because someone was open to a certain role or activity previously doesn’t mean they will always be. Regular check-ins keep interactions respectful. 
• Use safe words or signals: This is vital to ensure you and your partner have a way to communicate discomfort or the need to stop. Agree on the safe word or signal beforehand and know that it’s non-negotiable. 

Have a read of our guide to setting boundaries for more in-depth tips on communication in casual dating. 

Navigating role dynamics

Switching between roles with different partners can be exciting, fun and fulfilling for both partners, as long as our old friend communication is always present. As we found out on the queer subforums of Reddit, vers and switch can mean slightly different things to different people, so making your preferences clear and continuing to talk openly about your sex life is the way forward to keep everyone satisfied. 

• Communicate openly about expectations: Some partners may prefer consistency in roles while they’re seeing someone, while others enjoy switching it up with each other. Make sure you talk about your preferences and expectations here. 
• Understand that roles can evolve: Your preferences may change depending on the connection, which is completely valid. Embrace the flexibility—nothing has to be set in stone. Just make sure that you talk about it.
• Handle conflicts with patience and respect: Of course, differences in sexual preferences can happen in any couple, regardless of gender or orientation. But if two vers or switch people are dating, or a flexible person is dating someone with more fixed preferences, there might be times when your desires don’t align. When you’re talking things through, sex and relationship therapists often advise using “I” statements, for example: “I’m no longer comfortable with this”, rather than “You’ve made me uncomfortable”. This helps to center discussions and disagreements around both people’s individual feelings. 
• Remember that roles aren’t requirements: No one is obligated to fit into a specific role at all times. If you change your mind or feel that a certain dynamic isn’t working for you any more, say so. If a sexual situation doesn’t feel good, listen to your mind and body, and never feel like you “have” to do something just to fit with a certain descriptor or identity. 

Navigating vers and switch dynamics in casual dating means being willing to have open conversations about sex—these can be a fun turn-on as well as an important way to ensure everyone’s comfort and find out each other’s expectations and red lines. Being open about preferences, setting boundaries, and checking in with partners will make for a better experience all round—talking through things helps get rid of uncertainty around sex and what sex acts are on the table (or not). And if you’re open to connecting with people who are into what you’re into, why not join Feeld today? You can use our filtering options to find exactly who and what you’re looking for.