What is a “girl’s girl”?

You’ve probably seen it pop up on your feed, whether in viral TikToks, Instagram captions, or even casual conversations with friends.

From “fan-girl” to “girlboss” to “girl’s girl,” the impulse to package and label aspects of womanhood raises larger questions. Are these labels a way to genuinely celebrate and understand the realities of women, or do they function as a means of pathologizing and reducing womanhood into something easily digestible? 

On TikTok alone, #girlsgirl has racked up over 1.2 billion views. The hashtag is used on videos talking about what it means to be a girl’s girl, with people giving their thoughts on what that looks like—or doesn’t. Instead of declaring they’re “not like other girls” (another modern phrase, often invoked as the antithesis to girl’s girl), these women are proud to say they are. And it’s not hard to see why this trend is gaining traction. 

2023 was the year of the girl. Or at least, the year that girlhood was packaged up with a neat little bow and sold back to us. Instead of fearing anything floaty and feminine and emotional and soft, we were embracing them as a collective. Think of all the fleeting-girl aesthetics and viral cultural moments—each trend arriving in a flurry of ribbons, lace, and Barbie pink. But beyond the aesthetics, the influence of women is undeniable. While girls are leaning into things that brought them joy in girlhood, doing girl math, and eating girl dinner they also drive a $31 trillion economy, outpace men in college degrees, and—at least among single women—own more homes than their male counterparts. They are the artists and fans behind record-breaking tours, box office successes, and soaring beauty sales, all while navigating the realities of a post-Roe world in a society which still tries to police how we think, feel, behave, and act towards ourselves and one another.

And if you didn’t see Barbie and cry at Gloria’s monologue or even care about bagging a ticket to the Eras Tour, you might have felt a little left out of the so-called “Year of the Girl.” These moments were more than just pop culture milestones—they became social litmus tests for how in sync you were with the current wave of girlhood. But beyond the pink-hued marketing and trending hashtags, what does it really mean to be a girl’s girl? And is the label as empowering as it seems?

Origins and evolution of the term

The concept of being a “girl’s girl” hasn’t appeared out of nowhere—it has deep roots in the ongoing fight for women’s empowerment, evolving alongside feminist movements and shifts in pop culture. 

Historically, women were often pitted against each other through competition for male attention, societal expectations, or the belief that one woman’s success came at another’s expense. But as feminism gained momentum, particularly during the second-wave movement of the 1960s and ’70s, this narrative began to shift. Women started rejecting the idea that they had to compete and instead embraced the power of solidarity, realizing there was strength in numbers and choosing to lift each other up rather than tear each other down. 

By the late 20th and early 21st centuries, this shift became more visible in pop culture. TV shows like The Golden Girls, Living Single, Grace and Frankie, Sex and the City helped normalize the idea of close, supportive female friendships, portraying women as each other’s biggest allies rather than adversaries. After all, “maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates, and guys are just people to have fun with.”At the same time, movies like Mean Girls (2004) and shows like Euphoria explored the darker side of female friendships. Mean Girls highlighted the damage of internalized misogyny, showing how societal pressure to compete could lead to toxic relationships and backstabbing. While the film was a satire, it struck a chord because it reflected real dynamics many of us have experienced. And let's be honest, we all know a Regina George. Euphoria took this further, diving into the complexities of female relationships today, where competition, identity struggles, and social pressures mix to create complicated, sometimes toxic bonds.

Meanwhile, books like Elena Ferrante’s My Brilliant Friend offer a more nuanced look at female friendship. The intense, sometimes volatile bond between Elena and Lila is full of love, rivalry, and tension, reminding us that these relationships are multifaceted, ever-evolving—a work in progress. They can be messy, complicated, and painful, but also deeply meaningful and fulfilling.

Later, girlhood itself became a cultural phenomenon. The trend wasn’t—isn’t—just about supporting women—it’s also about embracing femininity in a way that feels joyful and unapologetic. Bows, ribbons, flowers, and shades of pink became symbols of solidarity, and women rallied around the idea of fighting misogyny through togetherness.

However, as the label “girl’s girl” gained popularity, it also raised questions. Is it truly inclusive, or does it create a new kind of exclusivity? 

Defining a ”girl's girl”

Being a girl’s girl is a state of mind. An ideology. A posture you assume towards the world and specifically towards non-males.So, what exactly makes someone a girl’s girl? Dr. Kate Phelps, a sociology professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison who studies digital girlhood, explains to ELLE: “A ‘girl’s girl’ is a girl who prioritizes her female friendships, or she’s more girl-oriented—it’s a priority rather than a ‘guy’s girl’ or a ‘pick-me girl,’ [who] is the girl who is not like other girls.”

The pick-me-girl trope—the one who distances herself from other women to gain male approval—has become a significant talking point online. We've all seen it play out thanks to social media (and Amy Dunne’s infamous Gone Girl monologue). But now, the phrase “she’s not a girl’s girl” has started to feel like a new kind of insult. It’s the latest reiteration of slut-shaming. Being a “girl’s girl” is an all-encompassing term that claims to embrace girl power and sisterhood as a whole, yet these people are often quick to judge and cast aside whoever isn’t a “girl’s girl.”

Here’s where things get a bit messy. Isn’t the whole point of being a girl’s girl about welcoming everyone in, not shutting people out? We wouldn’t call a man a feminist if he’s only nice to the women he knows, likes, or is attracted to. So why is being a girl’s girl any different?

“Labeling a phenomenon with a gender-specific label is already exclusive, which will create comparison and competition," explains Jenny Yip, PsyD, ABPP,  board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Hello Baby, Goodbye Intrusive Thoughts."So the label in itself is contradictory.”

Common misconceptions

Like anything that goes viral, the "girl’s girl" label has taken on a life of its own, and with that comes some major misconceptions.

• It’s not about blind loyalty. Supporting other women doesn’t mean ignoring red flags or excusing toxic behavior. Real friendship includes honesty, even when it’s tough. “Doing anything blindly is unhealthy," explains Dr. Yip. It highlights the need for critical thinking and healthy boundaries within relationships—whether platonic or romantic.
• It’s not about hating men. Being a girl’s girl is about uplifting women, but it doesn’t mean rejecting men altogether. It’s about making space for women without tearing anyone else down.
• It’s not just an aesthetic. Bows, ribbons, and Barbiecore are having a moment, but being a girl’s girl isn’t just about looking the part—it’s about how you show up for others.
• It’s not about being the perfect feminist. There’s no checklist that makes someone a girl’s girl—it’s not about being flawlessly pro-woman all the time. It’s about connection, growth, and supporting each other in an authentic way.
• It isn’t just for women. While the concept is all about supporting women and championing them, you do not have to be a girl to be a girl’s girl. At the end of the day, it’s all about community, not exclusivity.

Gender neutrality and the ”girl's girl”

When we talk about a girl’s girl, it’s easy to think it’s just a term for women. But in reality, it’s about so much more than that. Being a girl’s girl is about supporting each other, celebrating others’ successes, and rejecting that toxic idea that women should compete against each other. And honestly, anyone—no matter their gender—can do that.

Take Dylan Mulvaney, for example. As a trans woman, Dylan’s journey of embracing girlhood and sharing her experiences online has sparked important conversations about what it really means to be a girl’s girl. She’s shown that girlhood isn’t just for cis women—it’s something that can be experienced, celebrated, and embraced by anyone, no matter their background. Dylan has made girlhood more inclusive and has opened up space for all kinds of people to connect with the concept of solidarity and support between women.

There’s a whole community of non-binary people, trans folks, and gay men who are also part of the growing movement supporting women. Take TikToker and comedian Dylan P. Carlino, for example. A self-described girl’s gay, Dylan creates a popular series called If I Were a Girl for a Day. While hilarious and far-fetched, his videos celebrate women from all walks of life. Oh, and he lives with a lesbian couple, too.

The term girl’s girl is evolving. It’s not just about women supporting women anymore. It’s about anyone, no matter their gender, showing up for women, championing their growth, and standing beside them. Whether it’s a man lifting up his female friends, a non-binary person advocating for women’s rights, or a trans person exploring their own relationship with femininity, it’s all part of the same movement—encouraging everyone to be there for each other.

The role of the ”girl's girl” in combating internalized femmephobia and misogyny

The "girl’s girl" vs. "guy’s girl" debate is far from new. From childhood, throughout school, and even into adulthood, these labels often categorize girls as either more "girly" or leaning toward "tomboy" traits. However, when these roles are rigidly defined, they oversimplify complex identities. They reduce girlhood to narrow boxes, ignoring the true diversity of experiences that come with it.

“She’s not a girl’s girl” is often used to describe a woman or girl who seeks male validation over bonding with other women. This insult tends to cast her as "anti-girl," suggesting she will steal your boyfriend, disrespect boundaries, or compete with you. And yes, there are instances where girls put other girls down for attention from men.

But here's the question: would we ever use the same kind of judgment toward boys, labeling them as "not a boy’s boy" to assess their value and loyalty?

In her article for Jezebel, Sara Youngblood Gregory explores the rise of the “anti-pick-me girl,” a new label emerging in response to the "pick-me girl." The anti-pick-me girl rejects the original label but still puts down other women under the guise of feminist empowerment rather than seeking male approval. This trend highlights how critiques of women’s behavior often end up being repackaged, with internalized misogyny masquerading as solidarity.

So, when we say, "She’s not a girl’s girl," is it possible that we're really pointing to something deeper—an unspoken internalized bias disguised as empowerment?

Chris M. Lyon, a coach certified in applied neuroscience who specializes in working with highly sensitive people, says there’s nothing inherently wrong with being a girl’s girl. “It’s all about the general encouragement, validation, and support that girls and women can extend towards each other,” says Lyon. Being a “girl’s girl” goes too far when it's weaponized to judge or shame others. 

In her article Not Like Other Girls, Katie Manzer explains, "When a society is built by and for men, the interests, talents, and qualities of women, such as compassion or sensitivity, are considered secondary." This devaluation of femininity isn't just about makeup or romance novels—it's about the broader way we treat traditionally feminine traits as lesser, even when they hold immense value.

But why? For generations, girls have been made to believe that softness and joy and emotional expression are weak or undesirable. Conditioned into thinking that to be taken seriously means leaning into masculinity and staying quiet while femininity—whether in the form of female friendships, self-expression, or interests—gets mocked. Women ”do makeup” and watch ”chick flicks.” They are ”girl bosses.” They don't share intel; they ”gossip.” And even when they run, they run like a girl.

The same applies to fangirling, which is often treated as an embarrassing overreaction rather than a display of passion, despite the fact that men are rarely mocked for their devotion to sports teams. Crying like a girl is still used as an insult as if vulnerability and deep emotion are inherently weak. 

But as Manzer suggests, "It takes an empathetic understanding of people to realize that every girl is her own person with individual interests and feelings." Maybe instead of shaming girls for embracing their femininity, we should question why we've been conditioned to see it as something to escape from in the first place.

How to be a ”girl's girl” in today’s society

Being a "girl’s girl" isn’t about fitting into a specific box—it’s about adopting a mindset that lifts other women up, creates a sense of sisterhood, and celebrates femininity in all its forms and following through with action. If you want to be more of a “girl’s girl” in your everyday life, here are some easy ways to support and empower others while making the world around you a more positive, inclusive place:

• Celebrate other women’s wins. Instead of feeling competitive or jealous when a woman succeeds, take a moment to celebrate her! Acknowledge her hard work, whether it's a promotion, a new project, or a personal achievement. A simple compliment or shout-out can make someone feel truly seen and appreciated, and it helps build a culture of support.
• Be a good listener. Sometimes, being a "girl’s girl" is as simple as being there for someone when they need to talk. Whether your friend is having a tough day or just needs to vent, offering a listening ear can mean the world. It’s all about showing up without judgment and giving someone the space to express themselves.
• Lift each other up, don’t tear each other down. Instead of putting someone down, being judgmental, or getting caught up in the drama, find ways to lift others up. If you can speak positively about someone in their absence, you’re helping to change how women are seen. And if someone is talking badly about a woman or putting her down, call it out. Take influencer Drew Afualo, for example—she uses her platform to roast misogynistic men and push for women’s voices to be heard. Drew’s unwavering support for women’s rights shows how powerful it can be to stand against negative behavior. 
• Encourage growth, not perfection. None of us are perfect, and that’s what makes us human. A real "girl’s girl" embraces imperfection and encourages growth. Celebrate the small wins, the mistakes, and the lessons learned along the way. If your friend is trying something new or working through a challenge, support her journey and cheer her on.
• Support women in the workplace. In professional settings, it’s important to be an ally. Advocate for other women, give credit where it's due, and speak up for equality when you can. Whether recognizing a colleague’s contribution or supporting women in leadership, those small acts can have a huge impact on creating an empowering environment for everyone.
• Embrace the diversity of femininity. There’s no one right way to be feminine. Some women love makeup, while others prefer a more tomboyish look. Being a "girl’s girl" means celebrating all expressions of femininity and making space for every woman to feel comfortable in her own skin. The more we accept and honor our differences, the stronger our sisterhood becomes.
• Support gender equality for all. Being a “girl’s girl” goes beyond just supporting other women—it’s about advocating for equality for everyone. Challenge gender stereotypes, speak out against injustice, and fight for policies that uplift people of all genders. Supporting gender equality is central to the spirit of being a “girl’s girl” and helps build a more inclusive world.

Being a "girl’s girl" is about more than just supporting women—it’s about fostering a sense of community, connection, and empowerment for everyone. Whether you're prioritizing friendships, championing each other's successes, or rejecting toxic competitiveness, embodying this spirit creates a more inclusive and supportive environment. 

And just like Feeld encourages people to explore connections beyond traditional norms, embracing a "girl’s girl" mentality can help break free from societal expectations and create space for genuine solidarity and growth.