The word "brat" means different things to different people. Some think of Charli XCX, some think of spoiled kids, and others have something much naughtier in mind. If you’re in the latter group, read on: we’re going to explore the ins and outs of brat taming for dominants who need to give their naughty sub a firmer hand.
In BDSM, the dominant-submissive dynamic is popular, and a brat is a submissive with a rebellious edge. They enjoy pushing boundaries, testing limits, and playfully defying their dom with taunting and defiance (“gonna make me, are you?”). In this dynamic, the dom is often known as a brat-tamer. If you’re picturing a lion-tamer in a top hat clutching a whip… let’s just say the hat is optional.
Let’s dive deeper into brat-taming for all of you curious kinksters.
The role of a brat tamer
A brat tamer is a dominant who enjoys the playful resistance of a brat and knows how to respond with control, patience, and creativity. It’s not about breaking someone down or forcing obedience: like all BDSM practices, taming a brat is only done as part of a consensual relationship. Pre-activity conversations, the establishment of boundaries and safe words, and aftercare are all vital elements of safe kinky play.
Brat tamers will benefit from having a lot of patience, because brats are, by name and nature, disobedient. It’s all part of the fun for them. A successful brat tamer in a BDSM relationship will know exactly how to respond to their sub pushing the limits, without ever losing control, getting angry, or breaking the boundaries of the relationship.
Successful brat tamers need to expertly walk the line between dominance and assertiveness and patience. The brat and dom bounce off one another, with the dom responding to bratty retorts with a sense of humour, while maintaining control. The power shifts between them as the impish brat misbehaves, and that’s all part of the fun.
A good brat tamer is usually the following:
Confident
A strong sense of self ensures that bratty behavior doesn’t lead to frustration or loss of control. A good brat tamer knows the difference between playful defiance and genuine challenge—and responds with calm authority rather than irritation.
Playful and adaptive
Brats often thrive on witty banter and teasing; a good brat tamer knows how to play along while still reinforcing their authority. A smirk, a well-timed comeback, or a teasing phrase like “Oh, you’re asking for it now” keeps the dynamic fun and engaging.
Consistent with boundaries
Clear rules and consequences help shape the brat’s behavior and maintain a structure both partners enjoy. Without consistency, the dynamic can become confusing or lose its appeal—following through keeps the power play satisfying.
Patient and understanding
Brats push limits for attention and engagement; responding with frustration can undermine the dynamic. A patient tamer knows when to play back, when to set a firm boundary, and when to check in if the brat’s energy feels different than usual.
Strategies for taming a brat
Clear communication is crucial for any BDSM dynamic, especially for brat taming. Setting expectations and discussing soft and hard limits ensures that both partners are on the same page. As we said earlier, it isn’t about getting angry with your brat—this is a fun, two-way dynamic that should turn both of you on within the boundaries of your comfort. It’s important that you agree beforehand what punishments and admonishments are on the table and which are out of bounds. Doing the right things could give you the satisfaction of seeing your brat blissed out in subspace.
Now, onto the fun part: if you need some inspo for things you and your brat could get up to, we’ve got you covered.
Reward-based play
Yes, your brat’s been giving belligerent chatback, and the urge to spank them might be strong, but sometimes the softly-softly approach is what’s needed. Offering the brat a treat, reward, or extra privileges can keep them in line.
Punitive measures
Brats tease you because they want you to show them who’s boss. Non-harmful, consensual punishments like withholding attention, playful spankings, tickling, denying orgasms or a little tying up can serve as effective deterrents for excessive brattiness.
Enforced tasks
Has the brat shirked their responsibilities or made a half-assed job of a task? Tell them to do it again. Give them small errands to show their devotion before you reward them.
(A little) silent treatment
Prolonged silent treatment can tip over into something unhealthy, but folding your arms, turning away, and refusing to engage with your brat’s clowning around for a few minutes can bring them back on track.
Role-playing scenarios that reinforce roles
Role-playing can help reinforce the power dynamic, and it’s also a lot of fun.
Profession play
A timeless classic. A brat who refuses to follow “classroom” rules may earn playful discipline. You could also emulate other professions, like a naughty secretary and boss, or a maid or butler who enjoys slacking off and trying the boss’s bed for comfort, rather than doing their chores. That said, some people may find certain power dynamics in role-play uncomfortable or unappealing, so it’s always important to check in with your partner and ensure you’re both fully enthusiastic about the scene.
The disobedient date
Some people like to keep their dom/sub dynamic to the privacy of their own home, while others like to subtly slip into it when out in public. If that’s your bag, why not try it on a date? Or if your brat’s disregard for authority is a broader personality trait rather than a persona they only slip into in the bedroom, they’ll enjoy the chance to put their olive stones on your plate and complain that you didn’t order them the right meal. They can make it up to you when you get home.
Bratty texting
You don’t have to be in the same room to order your brat around. Tell them what you expect over text, and prepare for the onslaught of eye-roll emojis, sarcastic voice notes, and brusque replies. This can be a fun way to build tension and tell them what kind of punishment they deserve next time you see each other.
Common challenges and solutions when taming a brat
Brats love to challenge authority, which can be frustrating if not handled correctly. The thing with brats is that they love the attention it brings, and enjoy being put in place by their dom. This is why the dynamic isn’t for everyone: more traditional dom/sub relationships don’t come with backchat and teasing, so if that’s the kind of thing that’s likely to make you angry, brat taming might not be for you. These are some important things every brat tamer should remember.
Don’t react emotionally to brattiness
Brats test limits for fun, but it should be fun for you, too. Getting angry could go one of two ways: they enjoy provoking you and continue, or you react in a way that falls outside of your agreed boundaries—like shouting or storming off—and suddenly, no one’s enjoying themselves any more. Remember to stay calm and be assertive, and that this is meant to be playful.
Understand your brat’s motivations
Some brats act out to gain attention. Some find it a freeing persona to step into if they’re not bratty in other areas of life. Others are the total opposite; brats by nature, so this comes naturally to them. For some it’s simply a fun game. Knowing why your brat is bratty, and talking this through before you start playing, will help you decide on the most appropriate responses.
Use humor with your brat
Brats like messing around, and often their teasing is funny, so match their energy. This is on the lighter end of dom/sub dynamics, and the banter is a big part of it, so give as good as you get. For example, if your brat rolls their eyes and says, “Is that all you’ve got?” you might smirk and reply, “Careful, or I’ll show you just how much I’ve got.” If they playfully refuse an order, a knowing look and a teasing, “Oh, you’re making this way too easy for me,” can ramp up the tension.
It’s also important to distinguish bratty teasing from humiliation kinks—brats want playful resistance, not degradation. The goal isn’t to break them down but to challenge them in a way that keeps things fun and engaging for both of you.
Ensure aftercare for your brat
Even playful resistance can be exhausting for a brat, so aftercare is essential. Offering reassurance and affection after intense play is essential, as is telling them what a good little brat they are. Cuddling, stroking, and relaxing together after a play session helps keep the bond between you.
Tools and toys appropriate for brat taming
Some BDSM tools and toys can enhance the brat-taming experience. Popular options include:
Impact toys
Paddles, floggers, and riding crops are good for dishing out a spank.
Restraints
Cuffs, rope, and spreader bars can show the brat who’s boss.
Gags and blindfolds
Has your brat talked themselves into a punishment? Time to get the gag out. Or perhaps a blindfold helps them comply.
Remote-controlled toys
Vibrators that you control can surprise the brat and remind them who’s in charge.
Taming a brat is an art. Walking the line between being an in-control dom and an adversary in banter is a talent that not every dom has. You need confidence, a sense of humor, patience, and a propensity to get horny for people who backchat you. But for those who enjoy the tension of a shifting power dynamic laced with verbal barbs and playfulness, brat taming can be very fulfilling.
For those new to brat taming or looking to deepen their understanding, continuous learning and open communication are key. The biggest thing to remember is that it’s meant to be fun, and like any BDSM dynamic, thoroughly talking through expectations, boundaries, and what’s off-limits will ensure it’s safe and sexy for all involved.
Looking for like-minded partners who share your kinks and curiosity? Feeld is a space for open-minded exploration, where you can connect with others who are just as eager to play.
