How to please someone with a praise kink

A praise kink is when someone gets a special kick out of compliments—being told how good they are, how good they look, how good they feel—in erotic contexts. 

Google searches for “praise kink” have skyrocketed in recent years, and we’ve seen mentions of it in Feeld bios more than double. But praise is a broad category, and what’s super hot to one person might feel really not to another. 

So what are some phrases your praise-loving partner might like to hear? How can you deliver praise in a way that’s irresistible? And what are some other tips and tricks to help it land? With insight from Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a psychologist and sex and intimacy coach, this is your complete guide. (And if you want to learn more about the intricacies of this desire, start with our introduction to praise kinks.)

How to talk about praise

Partners who communicate well consistently report higher levels of desire, better sexual experiences, and more orgasms. No guide can beat simply asking your partner how they want to be praised. So before you jump into intimacy, use your words.

Raising the topic

Find a moment when everyone’s at ease, and try something like: “I know you like praise, and I’d love to hear more about what kinds of praise get you going.”

Diving deeper

Now to peel back some layers.

“Ask if there’s specific language they like (such as ‘good girl/boy’), or specific actions (like a pat on the head),” Dr. Bisbey says. “Ask if they like to be praised for activities, and which ones. Then ask if there are types of praise that are a turn off, or feel condescending.” 

The more specific, the better. Do they like a particular tone to their praise, e.g. warm and nurturing vs. firmer and more authoritative? Do they like to mix praise in with roleplay dynamics—like dominance, submission, or degradation—or do they like it to feel more natural and “neutral?” Talking specifics can help you tailor your praise particularly to them. It can also help you form a foundation from which your imagination and creativity can take off.

Checking in after sex

All kinds of sex can be vulnerable. It’s why many people like to practice aftercare: where you take some time to check in, co-regulate, and soothe each other after intimacy.

These moments can be a good time to reflect on the experience: how did the praise feel for your partner(s)? Was there anything that didn’t land? Was there anything they’d like more or less of next time? This kind of debrief can help you process the experience together, and prepare for more pleasure next time.

Explore Feeld’s guide to aftercare for a deeper dive on caring for each other after sex.

Praise phrases to use / The core praise kink phrase directory

Once you know what your partner’s into, it’s time to build out your vocab. The phrases below are starting points—so adapt them to your own dynamic and mix and match as you see fit.

Praising how your partner looks, feels, or tastes

• “You’re so beautiful.”
• “You look/feel/taste incredible.”
• “Your body’s so perfect—like it was made for me”
• “You look so pretty/cute/hot when you…”
• “God, I love watching you…”
• “Mmmm, your skin is so soft.”
• “I think about this body all day, do you know that?”

Praising what they’re doing or how skilled they are

• “You’re doing so well.”
• “You’re so good at X.”
• “The way you do Y drives me wild.”
• “Fuck, I love it when you X.”
• “You know exactly how to please me, don’t you?”
• “No one’s ever made me cum like you do.”
• “That’s it, just like that. Take your time.”
• “Keep going for me, you’ve got it. Good.”

Praising who they are as a person

• “You’re so strong.”
• “I love how confident you are.”
• “You have such an incredible energy.”
• “You’re such a special person.”
• “I love the way you carry yourself.”
• “I love how attentive you are.”

Praising them through pride and ownership

Ownership language, and how different people feel about using it, is really personal. So, again, agree beforehand on whether everyone’s into it, and which terms feel good.

• “That’s my girl/boy/[insert pet name].”
• “I’m so proud of you.”
• “Look at you, doing X just like I taught you.”
• “I can’t believe you’re mine.”
• “You’re doing so well for me.”
• “Good job, sweetheart.”
• “This perfect body is just for me, isn’t it?”

Names to explore

If it’s your and your partners’ thing, there are tons of pet names that you can mix into your praise. Once again, always ask your partner which ones land for them, because plenty won’t, and that’s okay. 

Some examples include:

• Good girl/boy/thing
• Sweet girl/boy/thing
• Pretty girl/boy/thing
• Baby girl/boy
• Princess/prince
• Baby
• My love
• Darling
• Sweetheart
• Beautiful
• Cutie
• Angel
• Puppy
• Bunny
• Kitten

Some people like praise mixed with more degrading name-calling, or language entwined with Dom-sub dynamics, like “slut,” “toy,” “plaything,” “pet,” “doll,” or “brat.” But it’s absolutely crucial to get enthusiastic consent before using degrading language. 

How to deliver praise: tone, touch, timing

Delivery is as important as language in praise kinks. With help from Dr. Bisbey, here’s how to build the right context around your praise, depending on what your partner’s into.

Playing with mood and tone of voice

Firm and dominant, soft and tender, awe-struck and uplifting, condescending and demeaning—you can take the same language and deliver it to different effect, depending on tone and emphasis, in all of these ways and more. 

You can add in expletives to make it feel dirtier (“you’re doing so f*cking good”), or keep it clean and more romantic. You can play with giving orders and praising your partner for something you’ve told them to do, or for a skill they demonstrate on their own, or maybe it’s something specific you notice about them. In any case, delivery makes all the difference.

Pairing it with touch and eye contact

Maybe you’re running your hands along your partner as you praise their body, staring into their eyes while you tell them how beautiful they are, or patting them on the head as you drop a “good girl/boy.”

Some people might like to be physically guided in how they please you—a hand on their jaw or hips to set the pace, for example—and then be praised when they get it right. 

Some people love praise when they’re being pleasured themselves: to be praised for getting close to orgasming, for example. 

Exploring different timing

Praise given in the heat of sex is great. You can also explore it in everyday life as a way to build anticipation for later. You can offer a softer, less explicitly sexual version after sex, too—simply by telling them how great they did, or how incredible they made you feel, during aftercare. 

“[In a BDSM dynamic,] you can also use the praise as a reward for accomplishing tasks, or behavior that the dominant wants to encourage,” adds Dr. Bisbey. “The more praise is paired with reward, the more the intensity.”

Optional role play 

“You can add role play to a praise kink to make things deeper,” says Dr. Bisbey. “It may heighten some partners’ pleasure to use honorifics for the person praising them—like daddy, mommy, Miss, or Sir.”  

Many roleplay dynamics pair well with praise: maybe you’re a more general Dominant and submissive; maybe it’s more nurturing. Maybe you’re a teacher and a student, a doctor and a patient, a boss and an employee, a pup and master, you name it.

Adapting praise to your partner’s identity or the role they’re playing

When it comes to tailoring praise, the biggest variable is always the individual, and what they’re into. Not their gender, sexuality, age, or anything else. Many men are subs, many women are dommes, and many non-binary people aren’t switches. So, again, nothing beats just asking.

And FYI, getting specific—making it personal, and repeating the phrases your partner really likes—tends to land well regardless of identity.

Praise kink ideas beyond sex

Stoking a partner’s praise kink doesn’t have to start and end in the bedroom. Here are Dr. Bisbey’s top tips for scattering praise throughout the day, and building tension for later.

Praise your partner during neutral conversations

You could drop a “great job” after a domestic task is completed (bonus points for eye contact). Or if you’re looking for your partner around the house, you might call out, “where’s my good girl/boy?” Bisbey says. 

Write notes and place them to be found during the day

Maybe you put a note in their lunch bag, like, “Be good and drink your water,” says Dr. Bisbey. Maybe you leave a post-it on the fridge telling them how amazing they were last night.

Praise them via text

A well-timed “I’m proud of you, cutie” or “You looked so pretty before you left this morning” can get the heat going even when you’re apart. 

Praise kink vs. other dynamics

Some people wonder if the opposite of a praise kink is a degradation kink—where you get turned on by being belittled, demeaned or name-called within in a consensual sexual dynamic. 

The two can feel oppositional: some people might only enjoy praise, and dislike degradation, or vice versa. But plenty of people are hot for both, and might see them as existing on the same spectrum. For example, “you’re such a good [degrading name] for me,” or “you look so cute when you’re [doing consensually degrading thing].”

Kinks are rarely black-and-white, or a case of choosing one thing over another. Instead, they’re adaptive, expansive, and specific to the person, and often can be fluid and overlapping. Each one is but a single ingredient in a sexy cocktail, so it’s up to you and your partner to mix and match dynamics as you like.

Great praise is about so much more than planning a script. It’s about understanding your partner ahead of time, paying attention to what lights them up in the moment, and keeping the creativity and communication coming together. 

Keep it personal, mean what you say, and don’t be afraid to practice. The more you learn what lands, the more naturally it’ll come. Good job today.

Find people who understand your desires—and are transparent about their own—on Feeld.