Most of us enjoy being told how hot and cool and great we are. Compliments light up the brain’s reward center, triggering dopamine, oxytocin, and all those feel-good chemicals; they can boost closeness, relationship satisfaction, and self esteem. But not everyone *gets off* on compliments, per se. Enter: The praise kink.
People with praise kinks derive a special flavor of pleasure and excitement from being praised during sex, or in an erotically-charged context. The term “kink” has historically referred to “non-normative” sexual practices, but plenty of people have a praise kink. In fact, “praise kink” mentions in Feeld bios have more than doubled over the past year.
So, if you think you might have one, or you’re just curious to learn more—you’re in the right place. (In other words, you’re doing really good).
What is a praise kink?
“A praise kink is about taking affirmation and turning it into fuel for pleasure, erotic connection, and play,” says queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel.
It means you go wild for being told how good you are, how good you look, how good you feel in a sexual context—or for giving this praise to your partner/s (hence why some corners of the internet call it an affirmation kink or a compliment kink).
There are tons of sexual dynamics where praise fits in beautifully—from more “traditional” sexual experiences, to mixing it with domination or degradation, to pet play, body worship, you name it. But anyone, of any gender, and any sexual inclination, can have a praise kink.
Examples and common praise kink phrases
Common examples of praise kink phrases might be:
- “That’s a good girl/boy”
- “That’s my girl/boy”
- “Look at you, taking it so well”
- “You’re so amazing at X”
- “You feel/taste/smell incredible”
- “That’s it—keep going, just like that”
- “I’m so proud of you”
- “You know exactly how to please me”
- “It’s like your body was made for me”
- “You look so pretty/cute when you...”
- “The way you do X drives me wild”
- “It’s okay, you can take it—you’re doing such a good job”
- “No one’s ever made me cum like you do”
- “Look at you—I can’t believe you’re mine”
- “I think about your body all day, do you know that?”
- “I love the way you say my name”
If you’re thinking, what’s the difference between a praise kink vs. dirty talk, then? Well, the praise can be, and often is, woven into dirty talk—which is any kind of sexually explicit chat intended to rev arousal, or heighten a sexual experience. The key to the praise part is just affirmation and encouragement. As opposed to, you know, “You like that?”
Praise kinks in BDSM and consent conversations
A lot of people associate BDSM with pain or discipline. It certainly can involve those things, but it doesn’t have to. And either way, praise can be a huge part of the fun.
Many subs get off on being praised for following orders and pleasing their dom—meanwhile, encouraging words can be a really hot way for doms to reinforce control and guide the experience. Aftercare is also a crucial part of BDSM (referring to how you soothe one another, with particular attention on the sub, post-scene). Praise can be an enriching part of that, too.
Praise is often seen as a softer way to play with a sub/dom dynamic during sex. But it can also be mixed with pain, degradation, or roughness, if you’re into that. So it’s really important to discuss your desires and boundaries up front.
What’s the psychology behind a praise kink?
Questions about praise kink psychology are common. We all like to know why we are the way we are. But “a praise kink doesn’t always have an origin story,” says Kassel. “Sexual praise might resonate with someone who knows that they enjoy words of affirmation. But it can just as easily appeal to anyone else.”
And sometimes, even well-intentioned versions of the “why” question carry an assumption that a praise kink must sit outside of what’s “normal” or healthy, Kassel points out. The truth? “Praise kinks are just one of many ways humans can experience pleasure, desire, intimacy, sex, and more. We don’t need to explain their existence in order for them to be valid.”
With all that said, we can still observe the sexual and emotional benefits of a praise kink; the things that make praise so appealing.
“For some, a praise kink is a way to enjoy something they already like—positive reinforcement—in an erotic context,” says Kassel. “For others, eroticizing praise makes it easier to digest: For people who have a hard time accepting compliments, being told that they are good, desirable, impressive, etc. during sex can make those words feel truer.”
“Some people find that being praised during sex creates a positive feedback loop that helps a person feel worthy outside of sex, too.”
How to tell if you have a praise kink
Kinks are generally better understood as existing on a spectrum rather than being part of a binary framework (in other words, a praise kink isn’t necessarily as black-and-white as something you do or don’t have). And if you’re reading this article and thinking, “this sounds fucking hot”—that might be all you need to know.
Still, if you’re looking for pointers, here are some potential signs you might have a praise kink, with the help of Kassel…
Hearing or imagining praise during sex ramps up your arousal
Whether you’re having sex with a partner/partners, or it’s a solo session pleasing yourself, it might be hearing or imagining phrases like, “you’re such a good girl/boy,” “look at what a good job you’re doing” etc. that get you close to or over the edge of orgasm.
“If you find yourself getting turned on when a partner compliments you during sex, or if dirty talk feels incomplete without encouragement,” ding ding ding, says Kassel.
Your body gets a kick out of certain words
“If your body responds strongly to being called ‘good,’ ‘hot,’ ‘sexy,’ or other positive adjectives,” says Kassel, “that’s a sign praise is erotic for you.”
Even in your day-to-day life, maybe a partner or someone you find attractive tells you you did a good job on something. Maybe it’s not explicitly sexual—but there’s eye contact, and an erotic twinge somewhere inside you. Could be a praise kink. Just saying.
You feel an urge to give compliments during sex
“If you love giving that kind of affirmation and notice it heightens your own excitement, you might lean toward the other side of praise play,” says Kassel.
Maybe you like the dominant edge it gives you, or maybe you just like making your partners feel good. You might like to switch between giving and receiving praise, too—it doesn’t have to be either/or!
Tips for exploring a praise kink
There’s a world of fun to be had here. So let’s talk top praise kink tips, with the help of Kassel.
Talk about what language and phrases feel good
Not every phrase will land well for everyone. “Some love hearing ‘good girl/boy,’ while others want to be told how hot, skilled, or powerful they are,” says Kassel. “Some people enjoy different words and labels on different days, too, depending on their energy and mood.” So always check in, instead of assuming.
Ask your partner what kinds of words light them up, and share what resonates for you. If you don’t know exactly what you like, look to porn, erotica, or online resources for inspiration—and you can check out Feeld’s guide to talking about kinks with your partners too.
Feel shy? Start small
If you like the idea of dirty talk and sexual praise, but you feel shy when it comes to actually doing it, you’re really not alone.
“Try sprinkling in a few affirmations you’d feel comfortable saying outside the bedroom during sex,” Kassel suggests first, “like, ‘You feel amazing,’ ‘I love how you move,’ or ‘You smell so good.’”
Once you see how that lands during sex, you can get more specific, playful, or spicy over time.
Experiment with delivery and dynamics
“Think of praise as an ingredient you can layer into your sexual recipe rather than a script you have to follow,” says Kassel. “Try pairing it with touch, eye contact, or deep breathing to heighten the intensity.”
A tender, whispered, “that’s it, baby” might feel nurturing, while a firmer tone—perhaps after giving an order—could bring out a more explicit power dynamic.
Know that the bedroom isn’t the only place for it
Sex doesn’t just start and end in the bedroom. You can tease your partner with a little praise during the day: Slip a cheeky “good girl/boy” into a text, a casual conversation, or even say it when you’re out in public, to build anticipation for later.
And finally, check in after praise
Aftercare always matters, and that can include checking in after giving or receiving praise. If you’re delving into praise for the first time, Kassel suggests having a debrief afterwards—like: “We haven’t used that kind of language before. How did it feel?”
Even if praise is something you regularly use, these conversations don’t need to stop. “You can use a quick mid-play ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘Do you like being praised?’” Kassel adds. This helps ensure the affirmations land as arousing, not awkward or overwhelming.
So, that’s praise kinks explained. At its core, a praise kink is simply about finding pleasure in affirmation—and there’s nothing weird about that. Whether you lean into it as part of a dom/sub dynamic, or keep it light and tender in more “traditional” contexts, there are countless ways to explore. So stay curious, keep communicating, and have fun with it. And if you’re looking to connect with people who truly understand your desires, you can find them on Feeld.
Great job today.
