The Feeld guide to period sex

How does having a period affect your (sex) life? Full Cycle is our week dedicated to exploring everything that exists at the intersection between menstruation and intimacy—from period sex, to the strengths of each cycle phase, to how science explains the ebb and flow of desire. Our contributors unlock liberating experiences, and interconnected truths shared by Feeld members. We’re asking the questions—join us. 

In a world where menstruation is historically regarded as “unclean,” it comes as no surprise that period sex as a practice has largely been considered taboo across cultures. A 2018 publication in a medical journal asserted, confidently (and without source), that “Sexual intercourse during menstruation can affect negatively the man’s sexual desire (libido) and make him temporarily impotent”—a belief that seems more fitting for decades ago than for the year in which it was published. 

But the times have changed and, thankfully, so have our attitudes. As the stigma associated with menstruation fades, period sex is becoming more mainstream—and it’s about time. For many, it’s just another everyday (or every month, rather) element of one’s sex life; for others, menstruation is a specific kink that isn’t only tolerated but actively sought after.

So: can you have sex during menstruation? 

• Yes, yes, yes (but only if you want to!) The prospect of sex during menstruation might feel daunting if you’ve never tried it before; but we’re here to guide you through.
• Movements against patriarchal norms have expanded our cultural views, so that it’s no longer such a big deal to have sex whenever we feel like it. Awareness of menstruation more generally has also contributed to changing attitudes, and a more positive perspective on everything period. 
• But as with all intimate acts, your own personal preferences, desire, and comfort will inform whether you want to try having period sex, and how you have it. Ultimately, it’s entirely your choice.

The history of period sex

Negative attitudes to menstruation, and particularly to sex during menstruation, are written into the Bible itself. Leviticus 15:19-33 states that a menstruating woman is unclean for seven days, with any man who has “physical relations” with her also becoming unclean. Pliny the Elder, in Natural History, grimly warned that if menstruation coincided with an eclipse of the moon or sun that the “noxious” congress would result in “fatal effects”; not to mention that the blood of menstruation had the power to sour crops, trigger insanity in dogs, and even cause fruit to wither on the vine.

As centuries went on, the suspicion around period sex failed to abate in Western cultures. The Tudors believed that a child consummated from sex during menstruation would be born with red hair; in the 1920s there was hysteria around the idea of “menotoxin,” a supposed invisible substance exuded around menstruation that would stop jam from setting and bread from rising. Perhaps paradoxically, the Victorians believed that women were at their most fertile and desirous during menstruation—conflating it with animals in heat—a belief that could both insultingly contribute to sexist views of women’s hysterical sexual nature and also act as chilling permission for sexual activity, with consent implied.

In the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, the advent of the contraceptive pill gave women greater control over their cycles. Rather than necessarily embracing period sex, menstruation was often framed as something that could be minimized or controlled.

Following that argument, if women could expand their sexual agency by bypassing period sex—why not just take it off the table altogether?

Personal choice: the pros and cons of period sex

All this said, any historical consideration of period sex requires us to resist the easy progression from “outdated” ideas about cleanliness and purity to a more modern and “liberated” approach. Period sex isn’t shameful, or dirty. But how do we separate what is culturally taboo from our own intrinsic senses of comfort, selfhood, and desire? 

For people with endometriosis, to give one example, period sex can be downright excruciating, or can feel impossible. Elsewhere, menstruation may be triggering for those who have experienced sexual trauma. For others, it might simply not appeal, and that’s fine too.

A study conducted by Arizona State University found that negative feelings around period sex could be grouped into four elements: personal discomfort and the physical labor involved in cleaning up the aftermath; the emotional labor of managing a partner’s reaction; partner discomfort; and negative self-perception. 

Let’s take a look at what might feel like period sex pros and cons…

Pros:

• No need to avoid sex at certain times of the month; period sex means that getting intimate is possible whenever you feel like it.
• Period sex can feel extra-good, thanks to a cocktail of hormones and lubrication, and can even relieve painful period cramps (we’ll get back to this.)
• Orgasms might even shorten your period, thanks to the magic of strong uterine contractions.
• Sex when you’re menstruating can encourage a sense of intimacy and comfort with one’s body; it’s a deeply personal act, after all.

Cons:

• There’s a slightly higher risk of blood-borne STI transmission (again, we’ll come back to this.)
• There’s no denying that things can get messy; if you’re a big fan of white sheets, this might need some advance planning.
• Period sex can trigger uncomfortable feelings both physical and emotional; especially if you have a history of trauma, a condition such as endometriosis, or you’re anxious about your partner’s reaction.

Why do people enjoy period sex?

A queer female friend has a simple and liberating take: “I just get very horny when I’m on my period!” she says. “And why turn down free lube? Having sex with a partner who’s also on their period makes a mess that’s somehow incredibly hot.” Referencing the photos of Nolwen Cifuentes, who documented queer couples engaging in period sex, she adds, “There’s a tenderness to these photos that has stayed with me.”

Beyond exploration and breaking barriers, sex during menstruation is an intimate act of trust. And it’s made all the more so in the context of everyday domesticity; accepting someone for all of them, all the acts of their body, all of the time.

Why does period sex feel better for me?

Like my friend above has discovered, far from being a chore, sex when you’re menstruating can actually lead to increased pleasure for both partners. Let’s break it down: 

• Extra lubrication during sex: who doesn’t love a little extra slip and slide? Plus, it’s free, and extremely all-natural.
• During your period, nerve endings are more sensitive, and the cervix is lower and softer, which might affect the positions you try. Deep penetration might feel a little too intense, for example—or it might be exactly what you’ve been looking for. 
• Contrary to popular opinion it’s still possible to get pregnant during period sex, but the risk is much lower, which might help alleviate any reproductive anxiety.
• The general consensus is that the hormones of ovulation, around the middle of one’s cycle, are the most conducive to arousal. But hormones and desire are complicated; menstruation can absolutely trigger desire, too.

Does period sex help with cramps?

One key benefit of period sex is that it can actually provide relief from menstrual cramps. Cramps during your period happen thanks to prostaglandins—hormone-like substances connected to inflammation that encourage the uterus to contract and shed its lining. Orgasms also encourage the uterus to contract, but can provide a much-needed sense of relief (and distraction), as well as facilitating the release of a different kind of substance: endorphins, the feel-good hormones we love so much.

Period sex risks: a health and safety guide

Despite rumors of sex during menstruation causing endometriosis, increased cramps, or danger for the participating partner, the main risks of period sex are a potentially increased chance of STI and blood-borne illness transmission, or injury to the cervix due to its lower position. The following points are sourced from sexual health testing service, Better2Know, and their comprehensive knowledge on this subject:

STIs and period sex

• If the period-having sexual partner is infected with a blood-borne infection, such as HIV or Hepatitis B, it’s technically possible to transmit this infection during oral or penetrative sex.
• Infected blood needs to come into contact with a compromised mucous membrane—for example if you have open cuts on your genitals, hands, or mouth—but Better 2 Know also points out that it’s “incredibly rare.”

What’s the risk level?

• Generally low. But the chances of transmission are higher if partners have other, simultaneous, infections, such as chlamydia, herpes, or syphilis; this is because these infections could damage the mucous membranes.
• For those infected with HIV, the viral load needs to be high in order to transmit to a partner through period sex. If the viral load has been lowered, for example through taking antiretroviral medication, then the risk is low.

How to minimize period sex risks

• As with transmission of STIs generally, the best practice is to engage in safer sex using a barrier method, such as a condom or dental dam.
• Due to differences in cervical position, those engaging in varieties of penetrative sex might want to try positions focussed on shallower penetration, to prevent any bruising or extra bleeding (may we recommend spooning?)

Period sex and kink

While many people might be perfectly fine with period sex, on a scale ranging from ambivalent to positive, there are those who actively seek it out.

In some cases, the taboo lends itself to kink; in others, the possibility for enhanced pleasure is a major factor. Perhaps also, for male-identified kinksters particularly, it taps into ideas about masculinity and sexual enthusiasm: boldly exploring where others are afraid to tread. It’s a primal act, however you identify. And whatever the reason, there’s no denying it’s a kink growing in visibility, with gleeful explorations into the world of “bloodhounds” appearing even in mainstream media.

Period sex and BDSM

According to sexuality educator and coach Lilithfoxx, during different times of the menstrual cycle you also may find that your reaction to pain is different, thanks to the fluctuations of progesterone and oestrogen. If you practice BDSM it might be useful to note the times when you feel more sensitive, or times when your pain threshold is, conversely, higher. Let’s also not forget that you may experience period fatigue, or feelings of increased vulnerability—both factors that can alter the dynamics of BDSM play.

Period sex tips

• Don’t be afraid to adapt. Try different positions that work with your body’s sensations, or go more slowly than your usual pace, in order to see what feels good.
• If mess is a concern, there are plenty of options. Menstrual discs or sponges provide a barrier to blood flow. Putting down a towel is a time-honored move. And if all else fails, get in the shower (the extra lubrication of blood works particularly well here).
• There’s also the option to start slow by trying out sex on lower-flow days, toward the end of your period.
• Be sure to remove menstrual cups and tampons beforehand, and if it makes you feel more comfortable to have a washcloth or towel nearby, go for it.
• If engaging in BDSM, be mindful of how changes in your physical and emotional state might impact your regular dynamics and activities. You might want to go for lower-energy play, or you might find that your pain threshold is lower.
• Whatever kind of period sex you’re having, communication is key to the comfort and pleasure of all parties. And on that note…

How to talk to a partner about period sex

Opening conversations around period sex with partners can feel scary, but also liberating. You might be eager to try it, but unsure if they are; or you might be nervous at the prospect, and wondering how they feel about it. But a willingness to discuss period sex together, and to explore it if it feels right for everyone involved, can be an exhilarating experience. 

Depending on the situation, you might plan to open the chat when one of you is on their period already, or when you know it’s approaching. Perhaps introducing the topic happens in a more spontaneous and casual situation, such as a hookup that happens to fall during that time of the month. 

However it arises, some things you might want to discuss include: 

• Your boundaries around period sex: what acts are you happy to try?
• Your comfort level: are you okay with the potential mess and any cleanup involved, and how are you feeling physically?
• Aftercare: do you trust the person you’re engaging with to look after you at such a vulnerable moment, and what do you ideally need from them afterwards?

Period sex conversation starters

• “I’m on my period today, and was wondering how you felt about sex at this time of the month?”
• “I’d really like to explore having sex on my period, but I feel a little vulnerable. Could we chat through some options and boundaries first?
• “I noticed we’ve never had sex on my/your period. Is this something you’d be into? I’m down if you’re down.”
• “I’m up for having sex  when you’re on your period, but only if you’re comfortable with it. Do you have any concerns?”
• “I noticed you’re on your period. How can I make you feel more comfortable, and is there anything you’d especially like me to do?”

As period sex shakes off its ancient taboo, and more and more people embrace it publicly, it’s also necessary to navigate the complex dance of desire around the act. There is no one right or wrong perspective or approach. Ultimately, as with any form of sex at any time of the month, it comes down not to judgment, obligation, or a sexual box-ticking exercise, but to personal comfort, empowerment, and the vital pursuit of pleasure. 

Read more from Full Cycle. And if you’re looking to deepen your understanding of yourself, and your connections with others, we’re waiting for you on Feeld.