Femboys are an exciting part of the conversation around gender, identity, and self-expression that exists beyond the binary of "man" or "woman." While femboys share some similarities with non-binary and transgender folk in challenging traditional gender norms, they do so by blending masculine and feminine traits in a distinctive way. One that can, but doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their gender identity or sexuality.
So, what makes someone a femboy? From the history of femboys and origins of the term to femboy fetishism and influencers on social media, let's get into it…
What is a femboy?
"Femboy" is a slang term for (typically young and cis) men who incorporate aspects of femininity into their presentation. In terms of style, that might mean wearing feminine jewelry, makeup, nail varnish, dresses, or skirts. Behaviourally, they might "act" softer or more feminine too. It can be a sexual or erotic thing, but it's not necessarily. In short, it's fluid—there's no strict criteria.
"Femboy" doesn't denote a specific sexual orientation. You can be straight, gay, bi, pan, or anything else, and resonate with the label. You can also appear and/or behave femininely as a guy and not resonate with the label.
Is femboy a derogatory term?
"Femboy" emerged in the late ’90s as a derogatory term for effeminate men, used to belittle those who didn't fit into traditional standards of masculinity. Fast forward to today, though, and it's been reclaimed as a positive and affectionate way for men to self-identify. Starting on Reddit before making it over to TikTok, a vibrant femboy community has grown online in recent years, who thrive on subverting gender norms.
History of femboys
The concept of femboys isn't exactly new. Throughout history, men have blended masculine and feminine styles in various ways. For example, in ancient Japan, male kabuki actors would dress up as women during their performances. It wasn't just about acting. It was a way to challenge strict gender norms and show that they, too, could be beautiful and graceful.
Fast forward to the 18th century, and the dandy movement in Europe, where men wearing flamboyant outfits and appearing perfectly groomed redefined what it meant to be masculine. Then, in the 1960s and ’70s, the Stonewall riots changed the game for LGBTQ+ rights, opening doors for more visibility and more acceptance. This era also saw drag culture blossom, where performers brought their flair and fluidity to the forefront, shaking up traditional ideas about gender and how people could wear their clothes, hair, and makeup. Black dandyism, an important part of the movement, has recently gained renewed attention, especially with the Met Gala's focus on Black style and tailoring this year.
Over the years, many performers and artists have also embraced femboy aesthetics, using clothing and makeup to express their femininity. David Bowie was well known for his androgynous looks and bold personas, while Kurt Cobain challenged traditional masculinity by wearing dresses and nail polish. More recently, Harry Styles, Jaden Smith, and Yungblud have been just some of the high-profile names proudly championing the fluidity of personal expression? To distance from gender expression which is more personal and identity-based.
And social media has played an important role in the popularity—and acceptance—of femboys, too. To give an example of what that looks like, just one of Reddit's many femboy forums (/r/feminineboys) amassed nearly 70k members since starting in 2012. On TikTok, the hashtag #femboyfriday has over 250 million views, counting.
Why do people like femboys?
So, what's the deal with femboys? There are plenty of reasons why people like and celebrate them. First off, femboys challenge traditional gender norms. By mixing feminine and masculine styles, they encourage others to break free from outdated ideas about how we "should" look and behave.
Then there's the aesthetic. Many folks find the femboy look appealing—outfits in all different cuts and colors, the accessories, and makeup highlighting all their best features. The creativity to blend different styles and elements without being restricted allows people to truly express themselves. Whether we want to be like confident people or be with them, it's a trait that's seen as admirable. And, of course, some people are attracted to femboys for their femininity, not just their hella cute style.
It's not just about looks though. It's also about authenticity. Femboys often embody a sense of self-assuredness that can inspire others to embrace their own identities, no matter how they choose to express them. Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have created spaces for femboys to connect, share experiences, challenge norms, and connect with a wide range of people across different communities, creating a sense of belonging.
How do femboys challenge traditional gender roles?
By blending masculine and feminine aesthetics, femboys challenge traditional gender roles, creating a space for fluidity and self-expression. They push back against societal expectations that dictate how men "should" look and behave, demonstrating that embracing femininity doesn't diminish masculinity. This subversion of norms invites everyone to explore their identities beyond conventional labels.
Self-professed femboy Seth Williams, known on TikTok as @thatsusboi, has been credited with bringing the fem boys to the attention of TikTok's 800 million users, racking up 7.2M likes on his own videos. Chatting to The Standard, he said, "Feminine men are not any 'weaker' than masculine men", stressing that "the fabric on your body doesn't make you any less of a man if that's what you identify as."
While the femboy identity celebrates freedom and individuality, it’s worth noting the societal privileges that often accompany male expression of femininity. Unlike women, whose feminine traits may invite scrutiny, harassment, or even violence, femboys can often explore similar aesthetics without facing the same level of systemic threat. This disparity underscores the role of male privilege in facilitating certain aspects of gender-fluid expression.
From a feminine perspective, femboy culture can echo themes explored in Madonna’s iconic "What It Feels Like for a Girl", which critiques the limitations placed on femininity while celebrating its power. By embracing softness and flamboyance, femboys invite a broader cultural appreciation of feminine traits - traits that women have long fought to see valued on their own terms.
Common misconceptions about femboys
Despite the increasing popularity of the term and the growing number of hashtags, there are still a bunch of misconceptions about femboys that could cause confusion or upset for those who identify with the label…
"Femboys are gay"
One of the biggest myths about femboys is that they're gay. That's just not the case. A femboy's gender expression doesn't dictate their sexual orientation. Just like anyone else, femboys can be straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, or anything in between. It's all about how they feel and express themselves.
"Femboys are just trans women"
Some folks think the term "femboy" is aimed at trans women, but that's a misunderstanding. While it can be misused sometimes, "femboy" was originally coined by and for effeminate men who wanted to express themselves and create a sense of community. It's important to remember that femboys typically identify as male, whereas trans women identify as female. Sometimes, femboys later come out as trans women, but it is not a given. The two identities can be separate.
In an interview with The Standard, femboy Kevin Ninh, who goes by @FlawlessKevin on Instagram and has almost 700,000 followers, says a common misunderstanding people have of him is that he's "in the process of transitioning or am transgender."
"All femboys are men"
There's also a lot of discussion within the femboy community about what gender identity really means. Some femboys identify as male, while others might not fit into that category. This variety is what makes the community so vibrant and welcoming to different experiences.
“Femboys must be cisgender”
Another common debate is whether you have to be assigned male at birth to identify as a femboy. Some people argue that only cisgender guys can use the label, while others feel that anyone identifying as male, including trans men, can embrace the femboy aesthetic. This ongoing conversation really shows how fluid and complex gender identity can be.
"Femboys are overly sexualized"
Online in the 1990s, people began discussing sexual fantasies about femboys. And in 2013, PornHub introduced femboy as a searchable category on its site. With this, there's a misconception that femboys are just seen as fetish objects in the porn industry. Sure, some aspects of femboy culture might overlap with kink, but most femboys aren't adopting this style purely for sexual reasons. Understanding this difference is crucial for appreciating the rich diversity of the femboy identity.
Getting to know femboys and the community around them helps broaden our understanding of gender. They challenge what it means to be "masculine" or "feminine," showing us that self-expression can look a million different ways. So whether you're figuring out your own identity, wanting to support someone else, or you’re curious about what all this means, hats off to you. Keep learning with help from Feeld's Glossary—and download the app today for femboy-friendly dating.
