Why I love one-night stands, and don’t feel guilty about it

I nearly choked on my coffee the other day when a younger friend told me that one-night stands were dead. As an active Feeld member and lover of casual sex, I was shocked by how far this was from my experience—I am certainly not contributing to that trend. The statement, however, gave me some food for thought. I have indeed noticed that an increasing number of Feeld members now openly express clear boundaries around one-night stands (or, ONS) on their profiles. In 2026, hook-up culture no longer feels trendy, and showing enthusiasm for one-night stands can seem out of place. Have people really moved beyond casual sex? I decided to dig deeper and do some research.  

Long associated with unsatisfying encounters, embarrassing walks of shame, or rom-com clichés, the one-night stand has a bad rap shaped by popular culture. In early 2025, The Times published a survey highlighting that only 23% of 18 to 27-year-olds said their friends regularly had one-night stands. This is a sharp drop compared to the 78% result from 2004, which naturally raises questions. On top of that, almost half of Gen Z considers having sex on the first date a deal breaker. I must admit that, at this point, I felt the generation gap. Was I that old millennial woman chasing pleasure and orgasms relentlessly, offering herself to strangers without shame, while the kids knew better? Had I become the person I once judged with all the arrogance of my glowing youth?

Despite my wave of self-doubt, I can’t help but still feel that one-night stands are misunderstood. While we have importantly expanded our language to set and maintain boundaries, I wonder whether rejecting casual encounters outright, as a matter of principle, and without thinking them through as case-by-case events, misses the point. How do we know what kind of connection we’ll have with somebody before meeting them? Is this a boundary best set in advance, something that can take shape later, or even one that has room to change? Is it OK to adjust in the moment if we feel so? Are we specifying “no ONS, connection first” only to paint a picture of ourselves as not frivolous or shallow, rather than as an authentic representation of our desires? At what point does a physical connection qualify as a one-night stand? Do people close doors that might lead to beautiful places by rejecting casual sex? Young people have revived the “missed connections” tradition on Reddit and TikTok lately. What if you could simply give it a try in the moment, and avoid the “regret” and poetic literature later?

Connections of all kinds

Let me be clear: I am admittedly partial when it comes to casual sex. My current partner in crime of 15 years was originally a one-night stand. Also, most of the connections I make on Feeld are momentary, because I live in a place where people vacation for a week and don’t usually stick around. Circumstances have led me to embrace the one-night stand, and I am grateful for that.

I do believe that one-night stands are all about connection. They can be a fulfilling way to engage with another person, as long as there is mutual respect and communication. Isn’t that the key to any successful relationship, no matter if it lasts two hours or a lifetime? There are people I have spent a night with and never saw again that still taught me things, shifted my perspective, or simply gave me orgasms I didn’t know were possible. Connections don’t need to last in order to be meaningful. History proves it in many ways. Socrates was famously engaging in one-off conversations with strangers in the agora, some of these shaping his entire philosophy. Could this inherently inquisitive approach, with spontaneity and ephemerality as part of the structure, also apply to sexual encounters?

Personally, I cherish those nights, particularly instances right after sex when we lie together in bed—or wherever passion brought us—and are simply there, present. We know we will likely not see each other again. When that’s the case, we’re not thinking about our performance or what the other person thought of it. We are firmly in the moment, making the most of this short-lived liaison. Some people are silent, others chatty. Some will tell you very intimate things about themselves or their stories, others will just want a hug. Some will be embarrassed about the wild side they just unleashed, some will be abrupt or nonchalant, some will leave right away. And that’s OK. For me, the key to good casual sex is acceptance: acceptance of others’ feelings, attitudes, approaches, kinks, personalities, you name it. There should not be expectations in one-night stands, only mutual respect and openness.  

If you can do that, just sit in the moment with whoever is there, you may find some evanescence, some transience, and magic. Imagine you have reached the destination and there is no next milestone to get to. You are you, truly. I’ve had many of these precious instances, and they are pure bliss. Many philosophies agree on this: a moment does not need a future to be valid or meaningful, it only needs presence and attention.

How to cultivate positive and enriching one-night stand experiences

Not all one-night stands are great; here’s why

Don’t get me wrong: sometimes an encounter isn’t as fulfilling or enjoyable as you’d hoped. This can be for various reasons, whether it’s down to a feeling of incompatibility, or just doesn’t have a concrete explanation. There might also be situations where anticipation on one side runs too high, and the disappointment does too. I have learned over the years to cut it short when something like that happens. There is no point in blaming anyone, but there is also no point in staying together if it doesn't sit right. What’s the saying again? It takes two to tango, and it is true that it takes all partners to be on the same page and in rhythm to have a memorable experience. Keep in mind however that you may have great alchemy without good sex. If your one-night stand turns into something other than hooking up, and everybody feels good about it, embrace it. 

Things can also feel unfulfilling when expectations don’t align, when someone waits in silence or secretly hopes for a different outcome. It happened to me when I was younger and was pretending to be OK with one-night stands, when what I really wanted was to meet someone and start a relationship. You can probably imagine how that turned out: a second date that never came, long hours waiting for a message or phone call, recurring feelings that I was not good enough and embarrassing texts in the middle of the night. It actually took me years to accept that we were simply not looking for the same things. 

As for every connection in life, it is important to recognize that everyone has different connectivity needs. If you can’t make peace with that, you might be navigating dangerous territory.

Open to possibility: making the most of one-night stands 

First of all, embracing one-night stands—as with any kind of intimacy—should mean prioritizing sexual health and safety. Safer sex practices—like using condoms, dams, or gloves, and taking PrEP or PEP—can always apply. BHOC guidance recommends getting tested for STIs every 3 months if you’re having regular sex with more than one partner. 

As for conversations, it’s sometimes awkward to end a one-night stand. If you’re on messaging terms, a thank-you message a few hours later or the next day will often be appreciated. If you didn't get to a point where you exchanged contacts, or if you agreed you would part ways without, leave with grace. If you hosted, offering a shower might feel like a natural denouement. I personally have never experienced someone leaving in the middle of the night without even saying goodbye, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy the feeling—though I can imagine people have different opinions on this. Communication is key.

If you want to change the initial arrangement and wish to see this person again, you can say that. Worst case scenario, they won’t be on the same page, and if that’s the case it’s best to respect their decision. 

Be yourself. Or don’t be… In my case, a one-night stand brought me a life partner, precisely because I didn’t give a shit and showed him my true self. He happened to fall in love with that true self, but that’s another story. And guess what: with casual connections, you can also reinvent who you are. You can be, or pretend to be, whoever you want, and sometimes that experience is truly liberating. But however you show up, it’s important to stay authentic and not mislead the person you’re sleeping with. It is not about manipulation, but about fun. We are all playing, after all.

You might connect with people who don’t check all of your pre-conceived “boxes,” whether it be physically, spiritually, or analytically, and you could have the best sex of your life. You might try new things because you’ll never see that person again anyway. You might even stop thinking about what they think of you and truly enjoy yourself. Maybe you’ll set clear boundaries and stop pretending you like things you actually don’t. Maybe the sex won’t be mind-blowing and you’ll end up spending the night laughing. Maybe you’ll be the one-night encounter that person needed at that specific time in their life and they’ll remember you forever. Maybe you’ll decide to call it quits right in the middle of things because you’re just not feeling it. Maybe you’ll think about that one night ten years later, and reminiscing will make you smile. Whatever the outcome, it all starts with embracing the experience and staying in the moment, open to possibility.

Revisiting casual sex

After talking with a few friends and acquaintances, it seems that people stay away from one-night stands for a myriad of reasons, some of which I understand, and others which, in my opinion, deserve reconsideration:

• Firstly, some people avoid one-night stands because they’re afraid to hurt or to get hurt. You can be truly vulnerable during a one-night stand and, for me, that’s the beauty of it. But for some, that element dissuades them. At the end of the day, it’s all about personal choice. 
• Secondly, one-night stands get a bad reputation because they are often associated with parties, spontaneous (read: bad) decisions, and regret. As with all kinds of sex, consent must be freely given, meaning everyone involved has sufficient mental clarity and sobriety to do so—and you may consider your own boundaries with alcohol in this context. Sober dating is gaining in popularity, and intentional one-night stands should be something we prioritize. One-night stands can be fulfilling, meaningful, purposeful, and enjoyable—not mistakes to “regret.” 
• Thirdly, casual sex is commonly associated with mechanical, unfulfilling encounters, and nobody wants that. When you first meet someone and share intimacy, it’s true that it doesn’t always flow naturally. Sometimes, we need a bit more time to feel comfortable and open up—and in these instances a one-night stand might not be the best configuration. Other times, the chemistry and physical connection is instant. Some one-night stands may indeed be more fulfilling than others, but that doesn’t mean all will be bad.
• Finally, some people imagine that one-night stands can become boring, inspiring a “been there, done that” kind of feeling. In my opinion, that’s a bit reductive, considering we’re all different—offering endless opportunities to explore new relationship structures, identities, and kinks.

If you try a one-night stand, or casual sex, and realize it doesn’t ignite you, or it simply isn’t your thing—just as some subs may try to switch and realize that being in charge doesn’t stir them—that’s perfectly fine. We’re all free to set and express our own boundaries. 

If you’re releasing inhibitions for one night, enjoy the ride. You might discover a bit of extra magic. If you’re anything like me, you may realize that one-night stands give you that unique thrill every single time. Imagine opening birthday presents every day: sometimes you’re a bit disappointed, but sometimes you explode with pure joy because you got exactly what you wanted… and more.

Curious about making meaningful connections of all kinds? You can find what—and who—you’re looking for on Feeld.